Jessica's Decision

Jessica's Decision

Jessica had the letter in her pocket. It had arrived in the early post.
She carried it with her all morning, finally reading its contents in
her lunch break. She knew she had to show it to her parents and she
also knew the reaction it would bring.

The small brown envelope she held in her hands was innocuous enough,
but it meant the whole world to her, it could and would change her life
forever.

She had waited long enough. Oh how she had waited. The hard work. The
endless lessons. The tears the pain. The hopes and dreams. Now the time
had come. At last she held her destiny in her hands and she wasn't sure
if she wanted to know just what destiny had in store for her.

She felt happy and sad at the same time, but most of all she felt
guilty. She was entitled to a life, but at what cost? She was fourteen
years old; she was mature enough to make up her own mind..............
Wasn't she?

She could feel the envelope in her pocket as she rode her bike home
from school. It almost felt hot against her thigh. She rode like the
wind trying to cool it down but it was no use, the letter was burning a
whole in her pocket and invading her thoughts.

So much so that she nearly ran over Mrs Bradshaw's cat Nippy, he wasn't
that nippy she thought as she stood on the pavement straddling her
bike, her heart pounding at the near miss. He had lost his tail when he
got run over by a car not two weeks previously. She watched him dart
under a parked car, spitting and snarling at her. She never liked him
anyway.

Jessica got off her bike and walked with it the hundred yards or so to
the back gate of her house. She was shaking. Mum would be in she
thought but dad would be on his way home from his shift at the bus
depot.

Should she show mum the letter first or wait until dad was there? She
decided to wait.

She leant her bike up against the wall underneath the kitchen window
and watched as Sally came through the back door, waving at her mother
as she went.
"See you tomorrow Sarah, be good". Jessica liked Sally, she came to see
her mum every day.

By the time her dad had arrived home, Jessica had made the tea, bangers
and mash. She got George the youngest to lay the table, Andrew to fill
the jug with water. Mary to put out the glasses and Jason the eldest to
make sure that everyone was sat at the table ready for their
meal.

Jessica' dad sat down after washing his hands the size of dinner
plates, and they all ate their meal in silence. Sean would not tolerate
anyone speaking at the dinner table. The discussions could not start
until everyone had eaten all their food and the plates cleared
away.

Sat around the table like board members at a corporate meeting. Each
member of the family took it in turn to relay the day's events.

Eventually it was Jessica' turn. "Well now Jess, what's been happening
today?" Jessica rose to her feet. She cleared her throat and tried to
stop her hands shaking.

She held the brown envelope high into the air and waved it about like a
flag.
"I've had a letter from Mr Johnson, the choir master at the Cathedral
and he says that I have been accepted to join the choir and that they
have awarded me a grant so that I can attend the boarding school, it
would mean me leaving home, but I'd be back for the summer holidays and
I can help out then", she continued. "I won't be that far away and
maybe I can come home at the week ends". The room fell silent. She fell
back down into her chair. disheartened.

No one congratulated her. No one patted her on the back and said well
done. Jason looked as if the burden he was already carrying had just
doubled in size. George cried into his chest. She knew George would
miss her; after all she was like a mother to him. "Who will cook my
dinner"? Was all Andrew could say, and Mary stroked George's head,
already stepping into Jessica' very large shoes.

"You've made up your mind to go then?" her dad said. "Yes, yes I have".
She said meekly. "Then you must do what you think fit".

Jessica's dad got up from the table and walked over to her mother.
Sarah looked at him with dead eyes, no reaction. Sometimes there was a
sign. But not often. Alzheimer is a terrible thing, he would often say
to anyone who would listen.

Jessica could remember her mother before, when she was...."normal" but
George couldn't. She remembered that the doctor said it was unusual for
a lady Sarah's age, but not impossible. It all happened so slowly no
one really noticed. The dropped plate the odd forgotten sentence. Then
bang! Silence.

The whole family rallied round, even George helped in some small way.
Sally the nurse comes in every day, but Jessica was the rock they all
stood on. She didn't mind most of the time, but she had her own life
and she wanted to live it.

Sean kissed Sarah on the cheek. His big hands gently released the
brakes on the wheel chair and he moved to take her into the next room.
Suddenly Jessica heard her mother's voice. "Well done Sweetheart". In
that moment Jessica knew she couldn't leave.