XMAS RAPPIN'

> CHRISTMAS RAPPING
>
>
> OI! Toy Boy! Bob!
> Shut Your gob!
> Kids today don't need your crap.
> Christmas is a time for giving rap.
> You do cute and commercial
> But we want more controversial.
> I'm hip! I'm hot!
> But you're not.
> Who cares about construction?
> Sings songs of violence and corruption.
> Make rhymes on death and destruction,
> But don't take my number one slot,
> Or my reputation's shot.
> I'll never live it down.
> I'll look like some kind'a clown.
> Hey Bob! Shut your gob!
> It isn't funny!
> I need the money.
> My mum's suing me.
> I failed at matrimony
> So I have to pay alimony.
> I nicked my name from some confectionery
> So I expect their lawyers will soon be after me,
> But your average listener is only three.
> Can't you see, I need to be
> Number one .. Number one.
> Oh, please, Builder Bob, go on.
> Let me be Christmas number one.
> Isn't number two
> Good enough for you?
> Why should I go under
> For a one hit wonder?
> You're not so fantastic.
> You're just a bit of plastic
> But there's been a nasty theory,
> A viscous little conspiracy
> Spreading rumours you are me
> Aiming to win either way.
> That'll be the day.
> The number one slot's mine
> You stupid little swine!
> Give it Back! Give it back!
> Do I have to buy a stack
> Of my records myself
> To knock you off the shop-shelf?
> You won't feel glad;
> You'll just feel sad,
> When I invade your territory
> And do some children's TV.
> Postman Pat, Henry's Cat,
> Fireman Sam - so easy. Damn! I could do that!
> But I won't do Top Of The Pops
> Until someone stops
> Me going to second base
> By putting you in your place
> With a punch in the face
> And you disappear without trace
> In some tower block foundations.
> I'm bringing together rappers from all nations
> To sing your stupid songs with me.
> We're going 'Wombling Free with Puff Daddy
> While Ice T. does the best of Mister Blobby
> And I'll murder out a mean Tellytubby.
> Don't you see? Don't you see
> What you'll get if you mess with me?
> Last warning Bob,
> Time to shut your Gob, Bob!
> Don't mess with Eminem
> Or he'll sing at your requiem
> And the only (w)rap
> Will be on the little chap
> In the little shroud
> While the happy crowd
> Gets my autograph
> That'll be a laugh.
> And I'll have won,
> Coz I'm number one
> Number one,
> Number One
> Number one

> Eminem nah nah nah nah Eminem nah nah na nah na Eminem na na nah
....
>
> Arthur Chappell
>(Remixed by Caroline Needham) Dec 2000