Shadowed Secrets

S H A D O W E D S E C R E T S

P R E F A C E

A Shadow is a mere reflection of a solid object and yet it takes the
image and distorts it, giving it a different complexion. Life is like
this....

SHADOWED SECRETS is translation of a polaroid picture of a significant
moment in my life. Moments such as these do not come about often and by
these writings, I seek to bring permanence to the picture in my
mind....

Remember that these words are just a drop in the ocean. There is much,
much more...

The cold wind blew my hair over my face, irritated, I pushed the loose
strands behind my ears, hoping that they would just stay there. The
wind howled and numbed my whitened face. I shivered uncontrollably. In
a hurry, I stuffed my hands back into the pockets of the black woollen
coat that completely encased my body. I stood with my posture remaining
unaffected by the intensity of the howling wind. Only my countenance
reflected the animosity I felt for the wind's outrage. I swung my head
round gingerly and transfixed my gaze on what lay ahead of me...

The exterior of the building was dark and gloomy, and loomed high above
me. Its lineaments were formed with an aura of paralysed time.
Questions surrounded me while the swirling wind carried the answers I
so longed for away by its sheer force. My future lay dormant around me.
A step forward towards the huge symbolic building would lead me to
enveloping darkness and the corruption of my fragile sobriety. A step
backwards would greet me with the welcoming aroma of a masculine scent
that would fill my soul and eventually reincarnate my very existence. I
stopped and listened, all forms of life appeared to have been
suspended. Shadows loomed. The sky was grey and overcast, creating
strange shadow-like objects on the pavement. As I looked into the
distance the wind began to fade as if it felt my uncertainty. I then
turned to face him.

I could not quite make out his features as cars, red, blue, white,
black all rushed past him in a state of emergency making my vision
seemingly blurred. The narrow road with its endless stretch of concrete
separated us, two souls yearning to be one. He stood beneath the light
of the amber street lamp, its flickering rays lighting him, as if the
scene was the final act of a play, placing the actors in a realm of
light on the darkened stage. His brown wavy hair shone with lustre and
his light hazel eyes glowed with irrefutable warmth at the sight of me.
He, as only he could, lured my mind closer and closer, sending torrents
of unspoken emotions within the short gulf between us. As he stood
there, casually leaning against the rough brick wall, his breath turned
to vapour in the cold air. He appeared to me to epitomise perfection
with every slight move, every gesture, every smile.. I moved my gaze
from the sunshine he seemed to carry with him, to the eternal cloud
that was the darkness. He too, moved his gaze and contemplated what I
saw.

I looked at the paralysed structure that had dominated me since I had
involuntarily entered the world. The outside of the house showed
normality disguised by the tumults of restriction within its frame. The
interior generated the virtues of 'love', the love between mother and
daughter, father and daughter. Here, the love between a man and a woman
was treated as repulsive and seen as an act that threatened old
foundations of tradition and culture. The very same tradition and
culture that has trapped me like an unknowing animal within the huge
selfish world. I needed to move from this shade and into the
sunshine.

I returned my glance towards him and slowly approached his aura of
light. I held my breath for a moment as I noticed a single tear fall
from his eye on my step forward. The tear gradually made a track down
his face leaving in its wake the residue of pain. As I got closer to
him, more tears trickled down, I wanted to run to him and ease his pain
but my legs felt weak. I turned around so that I could take one last
look at what I was leaving behind. I smiled. Just at that moment I felt
his presence and glimpsed at his shadow. As if all the intensity and
passion within me had attacked me, I turned around and stood before
him. Our eyes interlocked. We saw what no one else could ever see, as
the wave of indelible passion held us together.

Secret love born years, no longer hidden.