Everything Starts With an E

Everything Starts With an 'E' - Chapter Four The K-HOLE.

Brad, Kev, Sophie and Neil all sitting together, on ecstasy in a club
in a medium sized city sometime near the end of a century. So this is
where it starts, well the drugs I mean - what else? With the reckless
pursuit of oblivious heaven? A narcotic nirvana for the weekend as they
seek to deaden the egregious boredom of the times. Boy George and
Jeremy Healey were right about one thing - as the song says,
"Everything starts - Everything starts with an 'E'."

Brad, who has joined the little throng, is a little less out of it now,
a little more with it. His brain adjusted to the chemical assault and
his riding the waves, surfing the scree - jaw grinding to the rhythms
of the night, as the music, the tug of the drug combine driving him to
bliss for another few hours. They are closer now than they've ever
been, love washing over them - islands in their own space but in mutual
congruence as they share temporary utopia. A leggy, waif like blonde
smiles over at him from the corner. God, I'm truly battered he thinks,
he nods over at her it's not a sex thing, she knows where he's at - she
can see his very essence he thinks. He walks over and tries to mouth
something out but the rush takes over, his stomach flipping over so he
just smiles. He can tell now she's as gone out as him, pupils as wide
as space itself. Brad, looks into them then stops - he could fall in,
to that endless cosmos emanating from the windows of the soul. She
smiles back again and then passes him her bottle of Evian. He takes a
few sips, no need to thank her as the thanks has already been stated -
it's unsaid. He needs it dehydrated from all the drink and drugs. For a
moment he considers asking her to join him down stairs for a few
discreet lines of coke, but that would spoil it - kill the moment.
Ecstasy is such as spiritual drug at times - like when taken in the
present context - unlike cocaine. Now he wants to throw the wrap away,
denounce it but as he turns Neil's next to him, nestling an arm around
his neck. "Er, Hullo......." Neil's having real difficulty enunciating
anything at all at the moment, speaking, talking, walking all
incredibly hard, "How ya doin'? I'm...I'm mashed up. Was going to go
over and have a go on the decks - but I'll have to wait as I can only
focus out of one eye at the moment. These pills...are woosh...magic.
God, I feel so............fuckin' happy.........but I can't think
straight.........better go and have a sit down for a mo'" he then
starts to giggle as Brad reprimands him for his current appearance of
imbecility. "How's Kevin and Sophie? Has the old whinger come up on his
pill yet? Neil, are you listening -?" Neil wasn't listening, wasn't
there at all really. He was preoccupied his mind was on other more
important things like the coloured stripes that were dancing on his
shirt and the tiles on the floor which were seeming to have taken on a
life of their own, swaying back and forth to the beat.

Sophie Sapphire flicks those raven locks back, then with true style,
true panache - takes a short breath and blows upwards clearing her
heavenly fringe from her forehead as she cruises on to the dancefloor.
She's swaying, rocking, hands on hip, holding on to the buckle on that
black leather belt - mind and body at one with the music, dismissing
the admiring glances from both boy and girl. Kevin's not far behind
her, self-conscious still but feeling braver. With Sophie by his side
he feels like he can take on the world, he feels special - god, he's
never felt like this. Little does he know that the mechanisms of the
MDMA he's swallowed are beginning to do their sterling work, playing
gently with the switches on his neurotransmitters in prelude to the
main event. The tune that's whipped up this fervour, this frenzy is
'Aftershock' by Pink Bomb - wedges of funk chords, enmeshed in a deep
house groove -

"It's a perfect situation, got to make your body move, Out there on the
dancefloor I wanna see you groove Get on up - Everybody get up! - Get
up! Whoo! Whoo! Get up! Whoo, do, - oooh"

Getting up, or coming up that's exactly what was happening to Kevin
Dooley at that moment. As he turned and faced Sophie on the dancefloor,
watching her gyrate those hips, hands and flicking that hair in perfect
synchronicity to the music - he felt something, something unusual,
something strange - but, at the same time fantastic was in
manifestation. All of a sudden, he noticed a mounting change in his
perception, the lights took on an added dimension, an ethereal shimmer
but as he watched their glow he felt the warmth take hold of him. His
face muscles spasmed for a moment, but there was no fear the weirdness
of it all was soon forgotten as he was overcome with waves of joy - the
unimaginable feeling of that first rush, now firmly gripping hold of
him. Whooooooosh! So this was what it was all about, he laughed out
loud - no wonder they call it ecstasy!

Another tune kicked in, he knew it but couldn't remember what it was
called - now mind, body and soul in symbiosis with the sounds, a bass
woofer resonating - taking him into dance trance autopilot. He looked
across the floor, now joined by Neil, Brad - the rest of the girls, all
dancing, smiling, all together in chemical bliss. His jaw had begun to
grate slightly and for a moment he felt like he was going to vomit, not
because he felt ill but it was such a shock to his system - the very
absurdity of overflowing happiness. Another tune now spinning, things
getting hazy momentarily, his thoughts wandering - he remembered his
childhood for a fleeting moment - that eternal sunshine in your stomach
that belonged to the age of innocence. That's what he felt again now -
how many years had it been? Next to Kev now, a huge ape of a bloke
moved into the dance space. The ape's head was shaved; he was covered
in tattoos - a pretty scary sight. Alerted Kev sought to move and
quick, a couple of years ago he'd been attacked when out on a stag
night by a similar type. Last thing he wanted was to bump into this
monster and precipitate an affray. As he made his escape, his worst
fear materialised. Co-ordination impaired by the drug he slipped
slightly falling directly into the ape. Huge hands reached out for him
- shit this was all he needed. Then a strange thing happened, as the
hands drew him near, the ape menacingly sneering - NO, hang on the ape
was smiling, grinning in fact and the hands they were drawing him into
an embrace. Now Kev was scared that some kind of gay thing was going
on, but the fear was soon allayed. "Olright - mate. Having a wicked
time!......................You on a pill too? You look a little hot,
chill out for a bit - you were staggering there for a moment. 'Ere are
have some of my water, mate - remember to 'ave a good one..." the ape
guided him over to a table on the side of the floor and then forced a
bottle of Evian on him. Dazzled all Kev could say was,
"Er....................Thanks," as the ape turned and winked at him
with twinkling goldfish eyes.

Time flows fast when you're on Ecstasy. The swelling, pumping, pounding
rhythms of a techno beat drew Neil Alanis to the middle room like a
moth to a florescent lamp. A habitual and seasoned drug taker, even so
the power of these particular MDMA tabs, the very might of them had him
exhausted and tired him now. 'I need some base, some speed - to keep
going,' he told himself - he fiddled in his pocket touching his wrap of
cocaine, it was almost gone now. Didn't want to take the risk of having
any more of that though, 'coke and pills' normally made for congenial
bedfellows but not on these pills - he could end up having a heart
attack, or the abdabs if he took any more charilie and this
moment.

His thoughts turned to Kev and he couldn't help but smile. Mr.
Straighthead, Mr. Say No to drugs had been lurching around hugging
everyone as he'd left the upstairs floor, eyes rolling in the back of
the head just like he was. Kev was in the club now, in Neil's little
gang. Neil was glad though he liked Kevin, that poor boy had needed
this to chill-out a little, let his hair down and have a really great
time.

He hit the dancefloor, wiping sweat from his brow - the magic of the
first few rushes now had passed and he was left with the metallic taste
in his mouth, jaw acheing and his vision which had almost been double
at one point was slowly returning to normal. The music was a lot harder
down here; the squelch of 303 acid boxes and 909 drum machines thudding
out their electronic pulsations enticing the crowds into frenzy. It was
a different scene down here, this was the room where Neil normally
played his records, he made up his mind he was going to go to
'Select-a-Disc' mid-week and have a vinyl binge out. Next week he was
due to DJ, Friday at Meltpot and Saturday at the Bomb.

Manic crusties waltzed in and out, combats and T-shirts, with
big-boots. That's what Neil liked about Meltpot, in was a mixed crowd
and the dress code was more relaxed that at some of the new super-clubs
that had opened up in town. He himself liked to dress pretty smart, the
odd designer thread here and there but an officious dress policy could
ruin the vibe. Back in the early 90's there was none of the pretense
that you found in some quarters of the scene nowadays. You'd get away
with wearing your Addidas three-stripe trainers and retro 70's sports
tops - he favoured those striper 'raver' threads of course though.
There were the glove toting idiots in those days and MC's and whistles,
so some things had improved, were less cheesy - but was it better
overall, unfettered by the commercialism that had now crept in. He'd
got into dance music during the 'second summer of love' as they'd
called it in 1989 when at seventeen he'd got swept away with
free-parties and acid-house, enthralled by the love vibe. By 1990's
he'd bought his decks and was playing out 'happy-hardcore' at student
parties, taking acid and pills whenever he could. Looking back he found
some of those old tunes dreadful, so basic, so dated now. The Future
Sound of London cleared the way for intelligent techno in 1992, yes -
'Papua New Guinea' was probably his favourite track of all time. Next
week he decided he was going to play a set so hard, so dark it would
probably only be the mad acid addled crusties and the skinheads that
would dance to it, but that was what he liked.

Back upstairs now Sophie Sapphire has found Kev, sitting, sipping his
water and chatting with Sharon and Beth. "Sophie, come and sit over
here next to me, I've had a great time. Best time I can remember in
ages..........that pill it was absolutely awesome......" "I knew you'd
like it. Such a nice drug, so much more civilised that just getting
pissed - don't you think?" He nods in agreement, still up on the drug,
pupils wide and jaw seeming to have a life of it's own. Across the
club, people are beginning to slowly filter out now. Still the hardcore
posse on the dancefloor, shouting at the DJ to play on. It's after two
now though and Sharon and her friends are tired - none of the girls has
taken anything tonight except Sophie. Samantha Morley is trying to get
them all together always the organiser, so she can arrange for a cab to
get home. "We'll have to go and find those two bad boys, Kevin. I think
Neil's downstairs and as for Brad, Samantha said she saw him necking
with a blonde haired girl on the stairs a few minutes ago - what is he
like? Bet, he's still in a total mash-up state - we'll check the
stairway and if he's not there, the chill-out rooms." "OK," he grunts
as speaking is still far too much effort at the moment as they slip
towards the stairway. The first phase of his pill now over, he stills
feels the warmth, but the exuberance, the passion of those magical
first few hours is melting away now. That's said he has no regrets,
it's been a valuable eye opener for him. Still taken aback that he'd
taken the pill with such little thought though, everything seemed so
novel, so new. It was a pretty unbelievable situation he was in there
was a touch of unreality about how quickly it had all happened. Will he
do it again, he considers - of course. For years he'd been forever
looking for something, something outside himself to transcend the
boredom, the pain - perhaps tonight he'd been shown a glimpse, a vision
of what that something could be. He'd misunderstood the drugs scene,
now realising that thousands of ordinary folk just like him were out
every weekend finding their salvation through chemical means. What he
had viewed as so unnatural now seemed instinctively right, so
welcoming, contrarily so natural- a panacea for these modern times. He
thought some more wanting to talk now, to tell the whole world about it
all, as his mind exploded with ideas. He nudged Sophie, who was still
busy looking for Brad, "Sophie, I must thank you. Thank you, for what's
happened tonight - for giving me that pill, but most of all for being
there for me at the same time." He was starting to ramble on, a
loved-up loony - but Sophie didn't mind, all this was so funny coming
from Kev. "I don't know really how to describe how this night's been or
how the pill's really affected me. All I can think of to describe it at
the moment is simply spiritual. The whole experience has been
'spiritual,' as ridiculous as that sounds." "Oh! Kev, shut up while we
try and find Bradley," she laughed real belly laughs, "next thing you
know you'll be telling me that you've found God. Then you'll run off to
the Amazon, like who's that guy - oh! What's his name?............Yes,
Terence McKenna - that's it and in no time you'll have started to lick
the backs of those fluorescent frogs that secrete those potent
hallucinogens or somethin'."

He broke off his ramble looking really put out for a moment, "Sorry,
Sophe - I can't help it, it's like minds been laid with fireworks and
they're exploding out all these mad ideas."

She leant over squeezing his hand, "No, Kev. I'm the one who should be
sorry. Don't worry you were just making me laugh really, when I'm
trying to concentrate on something else. You're on your first ever pill
remember, that's how it gets you...but, that's why I just love Ecky so
much!" Sophie put her arm around him, now all she could think of was
telling him how very sorry she was if she'd upset him, how gorgeous he
looked in Brad's skimpy T-shirt and how much she truly loved him as a
person, as a human being.

They find Brad, who's arm in arm with the really acquainted Carmel, he
introduces her to them. "Where's Mr. Alanis then?" Sophie asks. "Oh,
God that boy's totally battered. He's over in the far corner, probably
having an inane conversation with someone as we speak................"
"Right you are then," pipes up Kev and goes in to find him, as Brad
gives him a quizzical look. Neil was in a right state, much as Brad had
said. He sticks up a thumb and then staggers over, knocking over a
bottle of Evian and almost a table in the process. "Uh! Hullo, had a
good one Kev. What do 'y think of those pills, eh?" "Nice - totally
nice, sorted man" says Kev, concerned he's even beginning to sound like
him now. The last tune plays out an ambient mix of Madonna's 'What It
Feels Like for a Girl' and the lights go on. Neil clasps Kev's arm
again as they make their way to where Brad and Sophie are
standing.

Now reunited our little posse get ready to go, it's time to move on,
someplace else somewhere to chill and ride out the come down. Brad
suggests that the four of them with Carmel go back to his place, a flat
above 'Fat Sam's Burger Bar' in Canning Circus, plenty of booze in his
fridge and if he can convince Neil to come, plenty more drugs.

They collected bags and coats from the cloakroom, Neil shaking hands,
mouthing drugs talk to the lingerers at the entrance. "Come on Alanis,
let's go..............there's a bottle of Bud with your name on it
waiting in my fridge. Right, we all set then - let's move."

As they walk out down the steps and into the city the summer rain hits
them. It's pouring, streaming down all over them. Kevin looks up as the
downpour soaks his skin. It feels so fresh, so wonderful, reviving him
after the heat of the club. There are no clouds in the night sky, just
stars. Kev stares at the stars for a few seconds, the drug still
sending warm shivers down his spine. He then looks over at Sophie and
she smiles back as only she can. He feels so glad, so glad to be
alive.

The little troop makes haste as they navigate the cobbled streets of
the Lace Market, scurrying from the rain. As they hit one of the main
roads, Sophie pulls Kevin into a doorway. "Jesus, look at you - you're
soaked!" He says nothing just beams back as she tries to get the
attention of the others. "Oy! You lot - over here! I'm not walking any
further into town in this rain - it's pissing down! We can hail a cab
from here, no problem..." just as the words came out from her pretty
mouth Brad spotted one coming out from around the corner of Stoney
Street. "Here we are - listen you lot get in this one and me and Carmel
will wait for another. If you get to mine before us, Neil knows where
it is - let yourself in. There's a spare key under the plant pot at the
back entrance," Sophie, Neil and Kev. Right then...........in a bit.
Laters."

In the car now, they speed past slab square still packed with the
Friday night revellers, waiting now for taxi's or buses, some moving on
to the two till six shift at one of the all-night cafes or bars. In no
time at all it seems they're at the top of the Derby Road, at the
Circus - they get out, surprised as somehow Brad and his lovely are
waiting for them. He welcomes them at the passage that leads to the
back of his flat and they move up quickly to find refuge from the
rain.

Brad's flat is a proper little bachelor pad. Littered with the latest
gadgets, magazines like FHM, Loaded and Mix-Mag are strewn the place
over, but it's not bad, quite comfortable Kev thinks as he walks in.
"Welcome, welcome all to my humble abode, folks," Brad confidently
shows them in. "Sit down, make yourself comfortable and I'll sort you
all out with drinks...Oh! And if you ask him nicely Mr. Alanis over
there might, just might be kind enough to sort out a little in the line
of chemical stimulation for us - line being the operative word, is that
right, Neil?" Sophie giggles as Neil fumbles for the wrap. "Yup, still
got some left. Let's get out a card to cut it up with." The wrap is
laid out and then Neil meticulously cuts up the gear into four lines,
"Having any Kev?" Kev declines, but the rest of them all gather around
the tables like animals at the zoo at feeding time. Neil takes his line
first and then pulls an awful face as the drug is trickling down his
nasal cavities and into his throat. He takes a couple of post-drug
snorts to clear his passages, before moving over to let Brad have his
line. The coke livens them up for a few moments, but then the post-pill
slide, the tiredness takes them back down. "Coke, ain't really that
special is it Brad," Sophie states. "Yes, it's a bit bashy. Probably
cut with everything under the sun. Neil can always get wicked pills but
with cocaine, you really need to go nearer to the source. Too many
middle men, taking their cut - having a line or two themselves then
adding glucose powder or something to make it up again. I knew a guy
once who bought some dodgy speed, he used to snort it and once he
bought some cut with Ajax. It was nasty, cokes bad enough for eating
away your nose, but speed mixed with industrial strength cleaning
powder, yuk - we called him basic face after that!"

Carmel interjects now, "By the way, almost forgotten - I've got enough
weed with here for a few joints. Who wants to skin up?" Sophie raises
her hand and then takes the plastic bag, raising it to her nostrils and
then takes a sniff. "Ooooh! Yes, that smells like the business. What is
it? Afghan bush, or Sensi?"

"Homegrown, darling - but it's good. There's a bloke who lives at the
bottom of the street, he's got all the lights and stuff in his cellar.
It's not that strong, like skunk but it's good for comedowns. Not too
intense, it doesn't make you para, which those super skunks have a
tendency to."

Kevin watches with amusement as Sophie assembles the joint, he's not
going to partake in any more drugs, not at least for a while. He has
some of the wine though; it feels nice -drinking on pills feels good.
Neil has a go at another one but like he says he too battered and he
starts to drop the tobacco all over the place. "I'm proper mashed
still. Can't see straight at all, but it's all good. Sophie are you
still getting rushes off your pill?" "Yep, not so strong now. Well, I
was wondering if you've got any left. Once we've had a couple of beers
we could always crush up a couple and snort them with the coke. Have
you ever tried that before?" "Of course, Sophie, my dear. I've munched
them, sniffed them, smoked them, chewed them absolutely everything you
could thing of babe. That said I've never injected them, never ever
injected anything. That type of things is for scuzzbags, real tosshead
junkies - you know like the Big Issue sellers and the freaks that sit
around begging in town."

"Have you ever tried heroin though? Or what about crack?"

"Yep, I remember sitting around Ben Parkers place, remember him worked
in systems development? He was a clever bloke, too clever for his own
fuckin' good. But he lost it, big style, probably in prison now or
something. Last time I saw him he was living in this high-rise up by
the Asda, there was needles and pipes everywhere. He was living with
this street girl - who had all these lesion things on her face like she
had AIDS. Anyway he'd called me up, as he wanted me to sort him coke
and pills. The coke he was going to cook up into crack and the pills
well he'd probably have just taken them throughout the day, no reason
just because he's like that."

"And? What about the heroin?"

"Well, I go over and we do the deal, but then this black guy comes in.
Ben then buys an eighth of brown and half a teenth of crack. He's
slightly short of the funds and so he pleads with me to chip in. So, I
help in out and then after that we just sat around, first of all
smoking crack and then the brown. He'd set me this fat pipe up, biggest
stone I'd ever seen in my life and after I thought I was going to
having a cardiac arrest or something. He was cooking up because he uses
needles and I'm wired man wired like a baboon or something. Listen - he
tells me you need some brown to come down. He sets up the foil and a
metal tube and then shows me how to smoke it........."

"Did you like it then? What was it like?"

"Hmmmm...." Neil considers then starts to rant, "It tastes like
off-fish, absolutely disgusting. I mean the feeling was nice, I felt
this euphoria and it had the required effect of bringing me down.
However, after I while and I mean, I was loving this peaceful feeling -
it was like my mind was shutting down, all my worries going. After that
though I tried smoking a really long line but with the taste and
everything - I then just projectile vomited everywhere. The vomiting
lasted a good half-hour - not like being sick on booze though. It was
strange I almost enjoyed it. But after that though I told myself never
again. Ben was a good friend of mine once you see, he was just like me
- but he's gone down that river of no return. All he has left are the
drugs, the smack and the crack - basically anything he can get his
hands on. Me, I mean I love my drugs but I've still got a life. It's
all about having a good time, like this is now. With the heroin and
crack scene - it just seems awful. People skanking each other, ripping
off their friends, living like absolute animals. Not eating decent
food, shoplifting, lying, contracting dreadful diseases, it's just
terrible from what I've seen." "What about you Sophe?" "Oh, I've none
it all. I was going out with this black guy who dealt it. He used to
give me half a gramme a day. Anyway, I found out after a couple of
weeks he'd put his last girlfriend on the game - after she'd become
hopelessly addicted. I mean I loved it, started to like it a little too
much. So I just walked out on him, stopped clean. Fortunately I didn't
really have a habit at that point, so it was easy. I can understand the
attraction though, why people like Ben get so fucked up on it. I'd
never say never again, but I'm happy with my weed and pills...for now."
Brad's back with the beers and a bottle of chilled white wine. Spliffs
are going round, tunes playing out from the CD player and no one's
talking now, just all chilling out - mellowing in the thick blanketing
haze of weed smoke.

Neil's started to doze for a few minutes, shapes and colours dancing
before his eyes his come down is in full swing. Brad's taken Carmel
into another room, no doubt using his enviable powers of seduction to
get a score of a different kind. Meanwhile Sophie, who has snorted a
few lines of crushed up Mitsubishi, is starting to tire now. The
alcohol has been drunk, the CNS depressant in battle with the
stimulants and now winning. Kev still has some of his bottle left; he
takes a sip whilst a heavenly shiver shocks down his spine as the two
chemicals react. Sophie slopes on the couch next to him, still feeling
warm, content, the weed's made her feel drowsy, hazy. She leans into
Kevin's shoulder and closes her eyes, concentrating on the sounds of
the William Orbit CD, as the feeling consumes her. Rain's still pelting
down on the window, distant drumming adding to the ambience.

Kevin Dooley looks at her, her figure slouched by his side. He admires
her perfection, her beauty; it's not a sex thing though he does it with
detached aestheticism, nothing sexual about it at all. For a moment his
baser side questions him again if he's turned gay, but he realises that
it's probably all to do with the effect of the pill again. Kev's
feeling so sleepy now, drifting off..............he smiles to himself
as he thinks what a hell of a night it's been. He things of the past
few months, the depression, the analysis paralysis of his mind - the
pill has shown him another side, a brighter more hopeful glimpse of
living in the moment, his problems he feel aren't over yet, but like
the millions of others living their lives at the end of the century,
drugs are a way of coping, adding an extra dimension to life. Looking,
always looking for something - but never finding it, that's how he'd
been. Perhaps the tiny off white pill with the logo on it had shown him
some of the answers to the questions. He could think no longer,
tiredness was overcoming him - he'd fight it no longer. The enveloping
safety of sleep soon absorbed him; around him Sophie and Neil were deep
in slumber too. It had been some night.

Sometime at the end of a century, Neil, Kev, Brad, Sophie and now
Carmel, all coming down from ecstasy, all exhausted from the night of
clubbing. I hope they dream sweet dreams because this is where it
starts, the drugs thing of course as 'everything starts with an E' -
but all things have to have a beginning, middle and an end. Look at
them whilst they sleep - I'll take you up, come fly with me if you can,
now we've got an aerial view of Brad's flat, over Canning Circus,
higher - higher right over the city now. Look at it - look all the
shops and houses, all the other thousands in this city coming down or
getting high on drugs, just like our friends have been. Escaping the
boredom? Looking for something more from life - as the century is in
its terminal throes. We'll leave them there for a moment, we've had
enough of the drugs scene for the moment, and a return to 'normality'
is required, whatever that may be. What of me? Well as I've said I'll
put in a direct appearance later, but as I'm omnipresent and
omniscient..........for now just bear me out.