Health

Among all places on this planet, there is not quite one like the
doctor's waiting room. You get there as soon as possible to be able to
see the physician before anyone else. However, no matter how hard you
try someone or the other pips you to the post. And so you must do the
obvious thing, wait. There is plenty you can do while wasting your time
on the doctor's sofa. There are usually back issues of newsmagazines.
If you don't fancy that you can peruse the film glossies. If you are
not the magazine-reading type don't lose heart. A doctor's waiting room
is a great place to feast your eyes on the demographical variety in
your area. These days most waiting rooms in Calcutta have television
sets.
But to get to the actual story. Three weeks back I was visiting a
general physician. My problem was all about acidity. Or so the good
doctor said. After having collected my prescription I was about to
leave when the most incredible thing happened. Believe me or not a
full-sized Tiger walked in and asked to see the doctor. What was so
astonishing was that he was speaking Bengali like the rest of us. I
asked the tiger whether he realized that he was speaking a language of
the human beings. The tiger turned around and said, 'What do you
expect? I am from Sunderbans in South Bengal where everyone speaks
Bengali'. Then he became a little emotional and added that a year ago
he had been struck by lightning during a tussle with poachers. Since
then he speaks nothing but Bengali. That's unfortunate because it is
difficult to frighten anybody in Bengali because the language is so
very maternal. Saying this the tiger went in. We remained in wait for
the animal. When he emerged he looked sadder than before. I asked him
what the doctor had to say. The tiger scratched his right cheek and
said, 'I have acidity. The doctor says it's all due to the food I eat
after dousing them in salt water. He asked me to get some tests done. I
am a poor unemployed tiger. Where will I get the money for the tests'.
At this an elderly gentleman emerged from among the waiting patients.
He informed that the tests could be done free of charge. All that was
required was a letter of no objection from the health department of
Calcutta municipality. For the first time a smile appeared on the
tiger's lips. He trudged off into the world outside.
Three weeks later I again visited the GP. My acidity was cured. I had
come to thank the doctor. As before just as I was leaving the tiger
appeared. He appeared cheerful but was bleeding in places. He smiled
benevolently at us and said, 'I will tell you people everything. I am
so, so happy that my acidity is gone'. Saying this he entered the
doctor's room. He emerged after fifteen minutes with plaster bandages
all over his body. We were all dying to hear his story. And he did not
disappoint us. His tale ran thus. Tiga as he called himself did visit
the health department. He made several appeals to them both in writing
and through the spoken word. However nobody showed any interest. No one
was willing to give him a no objection letter without some incentive.
This made Tiga very angry and he decided to take revenge. Every evening
at the end of the working day he would eat one employee of the health
department. This went on for days and no one noticed. Today however he
had eaten the bearer who served everyone tea in the office. Thereafter
Tiga had been chased and beaten with sticks for his misdeeds. He had
come to the doctor for repair work. But the great news was that after
eating well-fed well-rested health employees of Calcutta Municipal
Corporation Tiga was completely cured of his acute acidity.