Falling Over My Own Two Feet

Shauna Patterson glanced at her watch. She clung to her books and
her program schedule while her jacket was half on, half off her. She
was already a full ten minutes late for class. A great way to start her
first day of college.

Room 1346. The door was closed and the professor was already into his
lecture. She reached for the doorknob and her program schedule fell out
of her hand. Bending down to get it, she lost her books in the process.
Sighing deeply, she retrieved her possessions. The strap on her handbag
decided to break at the same moment. As she was standing up, she banged
her head on the doorknob.

It was all in a day's work for the 18 year old self-proclaimed
klutz.

She got the door open and everyone turned to stare at her. The
professor stopped talking and glared at her over the rim of his
glasses.

"Well, Miss..." he looked at the attendance roster sheet, "Patterson.
How nice of you to grace us with your presence."

She could feel her cheeks burning up. "Sorry."
She looked around the classroom. It looked like all the desks were
filled. There wasn't an empty desk to be found anywhere.

"There's a desk right in the back, next to Mr. Thompson." The professor
told her. "Mr. Thompson, if you would be so kind as to raise your hand,
Miss Patterson can take her desk and finish disrupting my class."

She heard the snickering and watched as the other student raised his
hand. Of course he had to be the best looking guy in the class. Dying
of embarrassment, she made her way to the back of the room. He pushed
the desk out for her as he smirked at her.

"Thank you." She whispered.

The desk consisted of a chair and a small piece of wood that passed as
the desk portion. It was very wobbly. No wonder why nobody wanted to
sit in it. She sat down and the desk almost fell over. Her books fell
on the floor and she heard everyone laugh. The student known as Mr.
Thompson bent down to help her get her books.

"Thank you." She said again.

He winked at her but he looked amused.

She felt her face burning up even more and busied herself with the task
of getting her books into order. Her eyes welled up with tears. This
was the story of her life, getting laughed at all the time. She knew
that she was a klutz but there were always outside forces that seemed
to put her into these predicaments. Wobbly chairs, alarm clocks that
didn't work...her life was full of these demonic little things.

Fifty minutes later, the class was let out. Shauna stood up and her
purse fell onto the floor.

"You're not having much luck today, are you?"

She watched as Mr. Thompson bent down to retrieve her bag. He placed it
on the desk in front of her.

She shook her head, feeling her cheeks growing red. She avoided his
eyes. She was still so embarrassed by the events that had occurred in
her life for the past hour.

"It's okay. You seem to be a good sport about it. I'm sorry I laughed
at you but you sort of broke the tension." He leaned in next to her.
"Professor Hadley is a boring old fool. I'm surprised everyone actually
managed to stay awake for the class. English 111 isn't my forte but I
have to take it. It's one of my requirements. I'm Joe, by the way.
What's your name?"

"Shauna." She replied as she looked down at her program schedule. She
had to make it to her next class so she wouldn't be late for that one
either. It was all the way on the other side of the building.

"It's nice to meet you. This your first semester?"

She nodded. "Yours too?"

He shook his head. "I'm starting my junior year. I had to retake this
class. Like I said, English isn't my speciality. What are you majoring
in?"

"English." She replied. "I want to be a writer."

"Wow! This must be my lucky day. I could use some help with my grammar
and whatnot. Maybe you could help me out."

She was struggling to put her jacket on. She was sweaty and felt
nervous. This good looking guy was asking her for her help. Maybe her
hearing was going.

"Shauna?" He asked her.

"I have to get to my next class before I'm late for that." She stared
at her schedule but the room number for her next class was
smudged.

"Can you make this out?" She showed it to him.

"Room 6896. Hey, that's my next class too! What luck! I'll walk you
over!"

She turned to grab the rest of her books and she bumped into another
student.

"Sorry." She apologized and wished that a hole would show up in the
floor and swallow her up.

"I'll get them for you." Joe picked up her books.

"Thanks." She went to retrieve them from him.

"I'll carry them for you." He offered.

This was the first time anyone wanted to do something like that for
her. She looked at him, really studying him for the first time. He was
tall and athletic and very good looking. He had short brown hair and
nice, warm brown eyes.

"You never told me what you're majoring in."

"I'm taking up business management but I'm on the hockey team and I
want to go pro. I'm 21 and I've been the top scorer for the university
for the past two years. I have a real good chance of turning pro.
Hockey is my life and that's all I want to do."

She nodded. She figured that he was an athlete. He just looked
it.

They left the classroom and started to walk to their next class.

"There's a game Friday night." He told her. "Maybe you'd like to
come."

She knew he wasn't asking her for a date. He was just being friendly.
She didn't want to look too deeply into it.

"Thanks." She said and apologized to the next person that she bumped
into.

Joe tried not to laugh. She was really clumsy but she seemed to be a
good sport about it. She was pretty too, in a natural way. Her figure
was slim and slender, her face devoid of makeup but fresh and bright.
She had nice skin. She really didn't need makeup. Joe hated it when
girls caked the stuff on. She had green eyes that seemed sad to him.
Maybe she was just tired of dropping her things and bumping into
people. Her hair needed to be combed. It was long and dark brown and
she had it pulled back into a sloppy ponytail. It looked like she had
been running late when she woke up and had neglected her hair.

"Hey, there's Susan." He suddenly said out loud.

"Susan?" She asked.

"My girlfriend." He waved at her.

Shauna felt her heart drop. So he had a girlfriend. That meant that he
was only being nice to her because he felt sorry for her. Everyone
always felt sorry for her.

She watched as the gorgeous, curvaceous blond came up to them. She
watched as Joe and her kissed each other deeply. She knew it had been
too good to be true. He had a girlfriend and she was absolutely perfect
to boot.

Why would a guy like Joe be interested in her anyway? She was plain and
clumsy to boot. His girlfriend was sexy with pouty lips and
perfect...well, everything about her was perfect.

She began to walk away, bumping into yet another student. She didn't
even apologize this time. She just kept walking, her head down. Why
would she even think that she would ever get a boyfriend? Everywhere
she went, she caused havoc and commotion. If she wasn't dropping
things, she was knocking into people all the time.

She got to her next class and was glad that only a few other students
were sitting there. There were plenty of desks available. She got a
desk near the back of the classroom so that she could hide away. She
had always been shy and always sat in the back of the class.

She took her jacket off and went to hang it on the back of her seat. It
immediately fell to the floor and she bent down to pick it up. Her
purse fell down just then too. She sighed.

All in a day's work.

Joe came into the room and sat at the desk next to her. "Why didn't you
wait for me?"

"I figured you'd want to be alone with your girlfriend."

"Aw, it's okay."

She opened her notebook, pretending to read something.

"What class do you have after this?" He asked her.

"I don't. I get to go home after this. I only have two classes
today."

"Hey, me too. Do you want to go and get some lunch or something?"

The class was three hours long with a break in the middle. She had
planned on getting a snack then.

"I don't know." She admitted, embarrassed to even want to eat in front
of him. What if some other major catastrophe was to befall her? It
would be a disaster, in front of him.

"Let me know." He said to her and then said hi to another guy who came
into the class. He busied himself in a conversation with him and
momentarily forgot about her. It was just as well. She'd rather just
disappear and have everyone ignore her.

The class was interesting to her. It was a writing class and she was
excited about it. She knew that she would excell in all her classes.
She had always been an outstanding student and was already a published
writer.

She was absorbed in what the professor was saying. The time had passed
quickly and before she knew it, the teacher had called a 20 minute
break. There was a candy machine outside in the hallway. She decided to
get something to hold her over.

Joe followed her outside. "I guess I'll get something too. What are you
having?"

She studied the pickings. "I think I'll get a KitKat." She took money
out of her wallet.

"I'll buy it for you." He offered.

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to." He stuck some change in the machine and pressed the
button. Her candybar slid out.

She bent down to get it and banged her head on the candy machine.

"Ouch." Joe said. "You all right?"

She nodded. "Thanks."

He couldn't help himself. He began to laugh.

"Thanks a lot." She said, obviously hurt in more ways than one. She
rubbed her head.

"I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing with you."

"I don't remember laughing!"

"It's not that you hit your head. You make this face everytime
something goes wrong for you. I don't think you're aware that you're
making it but it's the cutest face I've ever seen. You sort of sneer
like this..." he demonstrated, "well, I just think that's funny. I'm
sorry you hit your head. I would certainly never laugh at that. I was
just laughing at the face you always make."

"Oh." He was right. She wasn't aware of making a face like that. It
probably just came second nature to her, like her clumsiness.

He got a Hershey bar for himself and then they went back into the
classroom. It was empty since everyone was out smoking a cigarette or
getting a bite to eat. They sat down again. As she did, her desk
shifted and one of her books fell onto the floor.

"I'll get it. Relax." Joe bent down to retrieve her book. "Were you
always like this?"

"Like what? Clumsy?" She sat down and her jacket fell off the back of
her chair. He bent down to get that for her too.

"Well, yea." He sat down next to her.

She nodded. "I've always been a klutz. It's embarrassing. People are
always laughing at me and making fun of me. I guess I've gotten used to
it but it hurts just the same sometimes."

"I'm sure it does. I think part of the problem is your attitude."

She took a bite of her chocolate bar. "What do you mean?"

"You always expect things to happen to you. You're in this mindset. You
expect it to happen so it does. I have the same problem."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at me. I'm a smart guy but I hate English. I mean, I really hate
it. And the thing is, I like to read. I mean, not everything but I do
read. I just can't stand this stuff. I hate to write and I hate reading
stuff like 'David Copperfield' and 'Tom Sawyer'. It's so boring to
me."

"Lots of people feel the way you do."

He nodded. "I wish I could do better but no matter how hard I try I
can't. I hate grammar and punctuation. All that stuff has no meaning to
me. My life is hockey."

"You are going about it the wrong way."

"What can I do to change my attitude?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I don't have a problem with that stuff. I
like 'David Copperfield' and 'Tom Sawyer'. Maybe next time you read
them you could pretend that they're hockey players stuck in those
situations. Tom Sawyer is not really a kid. He's a hockey player who
has adventures on the Mississippi."

He grinned. "Now that's a new one to me. I never thought of it."

"It's a stupid idea. Forget I even said it."

"No, I like it. Really. You're smart. Do you remember when I asked you
about helping me?"

She nodded.

"I really meant it. I could use some help with my English. And I could
help you too."

"How?"

"Do you know how to ice skate?"

"Are you serious? I can't even walk right."

"Stop putting yourself down. See, that's your biggest problem. Maybe if
you learned to skate, it would help your balance out. Skating requires
a lot of balance and it might help you."

"I'd be too afraid to try."

"Now you sound like me when it comes to commas and periods. Look, I
don't mind helping out. I can teach you how to skate and you can help
me with my English. Is it a deal?"

She was thoughtful for a moment. "I don't mind helping you with your
English but I'm not that thrilled about learning how to skate. I think
I'll have to pass on that."

"Aw, don't be like that."

"Wouldn't your girlfriend mind?" She tried not to sound too
curious.

"Who, Susan? Nah. We're not real serious or anything like that. She's
basically seeing me because I'm on the hockey team and sort of a local
sports celebrity."

And you're seeing her because she's totally gorgeous and sexy, Shauna
thought.

"It's not serious." He said to her again. "She's nice and all but she's
not for me."

No, Shauna thought sarcastically. She's only just too perfect. And I
bet she's not clumsy.

She got up to throw her candy wrapper in the wastebasket that was in
front of the classroom. She tripped over her shoelace.

Joe laughed at her again. "Are you all right?"

She nodded, hating him for laughing and yet, knowing that maybe he
really didn't mean to. She was just so used to being made fun of all
her life. Still, it hurt. She had feelings. Didn't anyone realize
that?

"I'm sorry." He told her when she returned to her desk. "You made that
face again. It's adorable when you do that."

She sighed, pretending to ignore him when she opened her
notebook.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He asked her.

She looked up at him. "No, why?"

"No reason. I didn't think you did."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Don't be mad. I just asked. I mean, you're kind of
intimidating to be around."

That shocked her. Nobody had ever called her that before. "I'm
what?"

He smiled. "Intimidating. You're real smart."

"How can you tell?"

"Just by the way you talk. I bet you always did good in school."

She nodded. "I did."

"You're just real smart. You have this way about you. Your clumsiness
belies your intelligence."

The professor came back into the room and the class resumed.

Joe looked bored and Shauna felt sorry for him. But she decided that
she would help him with his English. What did she have to lose?

The rest of the class passed by pleasantly for her. When it was over,
the students stood up and began to collect their things.

"So, are we having lunch or what?" Joe asked her.

"I don't know. I..."

"I don't bite." He assured her. "I just thought we could have a
hamburger or something. Maybe you could explain to me what the teacher
was talking about."

"We have to write an essay."

"Yea, a thousand words." He rolled his eyes and grimaced.

"That's not so bad."

"Maybe for you. For me it's torture."

"We have to write about something that we're really passionate about.
You're passionate about hockey. Why don't you just write about
that?"

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is."

He smirked. "I wouldn't know what to write."

"Why don't you write about what it means to you to be able to play?
Write about how it feels to skate across the ice, to score a goal, to
hear the crowd screaming your name."

"I'll say it again...you make it sound so easy."

"I'll write something for you tonight and show you just how easy it can
be."

His eyes lit up. "You want to write the paper for me? I'll pay
you."

She shook her head. "Absolutely not. You'll never learn if you have
someone do it for you. I'll help you but I won't do it for you."

"You're no fun." He teased her. "What will you be writing about? What
are you passionate about?"

"Writing."

He looked at her as if she had grown another head. "Huh?"

"I love to write. I want to be a writer. I already am, actually. I've
been published in some magazines and I write for the local paper once
in awhile. I want to get a book published someday."

"That's very impressive. So write my essay for me. You just told me
that you love to write. I'll do anything you want."

"Anything?" She smiled.

He nodded. "Anything."

"No." She laughed. "I want you to learn on your own."

"You drive a hard bargain. I'll take you out to dinner and to a movie
if you write my paper. I'll buy you flowers. Girls always like to get
flowers. I'll buy you chocolates, as many KitKat bars as you
want."

"Now stop teasing me." She frowned at him. It wasn't fair that he was
doing this to her. He made it sound like he would be interested in
dating her but she knew it was only because he wanted her to write his
essay for him.

"I'm not teasing you. I'm sorry if that's what you think I'm
doing."

She put her jacket on. She had to get away from Joe fast before she
started bawling like an idiot. There was no way that a handsome guy
like him would ever be attracted to a klutz like her.

"I've got to go." She told him. She picked up her purse and forgot that
the strap had broke. It fell to the floor. They both bent down at the
same time to get it and crashed heads.

"Ouch." He rubbed his head. "You okay?"

She nodded and took her purse from him. "Thanks."
She began to leave the room and he followed her.

"Lunch?" He asked her hopefully.

She felt herself giving in to him. She really liked him. He was kind
and sweet but what if something awful were to happen? What is she
spilled ketchup on the front of her blouse or got a piece of lettuce
caught between her teeth?

"Okay." She said. "Why not?"

He beamed at her. "Great. We can go to the diner down the street. They
have great burgers there."

Joe offered to drive. It was only down the block but he was just being
a gentleman. After lunch, he would bring her back to her car in the
school parking lot.

They ordered burgers and Cokes. The diner was busy with the lunch time
crowd, most of it made up of students from the school.

"So you like to write?" Joe asked her. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Yea, I mean, I find it so boring. Why do you like to write?"

"The same reason you like to play hockey."

"Yea, but hockey is a sport. It's exciting, competitive. Writing is
work."

She shook her head. "To me it's not. You associate it with school. I
don't. I have a gift and I love to write."

"I still don't get it. What exactly do you write?"

"Short stories, poetry. I'm working on a novel right now. I write
articles for the newspaper sometimes. I keep a journal and write things
down in that too."

"I guess you don't have many friends."

"Thanks a lot!" She threw her crumpled napkin at him.

He laughed. "I didn't mean it that way. It just seems to me that
writing is a very private thing to do. It's not like hockey where
there's a team and people watching you play. Writing is like solitary
confinement."

"Not to me, it isn't. I love to write. It gives me pleasure and I enjoy
it. I'm sorry you can't understand that."

"I guess I'm just finding this whole writing thing really bizarre. I
hate English. I hate the whole grammar and punctuation thing. I always
did lousy in it. I guess I respect someone like you who masters
it."

"I wouldn't say that I master it." She took a sip of her Coke. "But I
am good. I've been writing since I was seven. My teachers always said I
had a gift and my grandmother always encouraged me."

"Your grandmother?"

She nodded. "She raised me. My parents died in a car accident when I
was a baby so my grandmother took care of me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't. You just met me today. I don't remember them
much but my grandmother is great. I still live with her. She's a real
good cook and she leaves me alone so that I can write."

"You still never told me what you write about."

"I write about everything really."

"What's your novel about?"

"It's about this ugly duckling who goes through life alone and insecure
until she meets this really great guy who worships her."

"Hmm. So it's a love story."

"It's drama. He's dying of cancer so he doesn't have much time to be
with her."

"Sounds depressing."

It is but there is a happy ending."

"There always is."

Their burgers came then. They began to eat.

Joe smiled at her after awhile. "So, how should I begin my essay for
the class?"

She wiped her mouth with her napkin. She was amazed that she had been
sitting here with him for 20 minutes and nothing tragic had befallen
her. "Why do you play hockey?"

"Why?" He shrugged as he thought about it. "Because it's fun, it's
exciting. I like the competition. I'm good at it."

"There you go. There's your reasons for playing. It's fun and exciting
and you're good at it."

"But how is that going to help me write the essay when I don't have a
clue as to how to put that in words?"

"You don't have to be a rocket scientist to do this, Joe." She grabbed
a fry and munched on it.

"It's easy for you, second nature. You're a genius at this sort of
thing, Shauna. How would I begin to write this paper?"

"It's easy. You could start it off as to why you decided to play or you
could start it off with some kind of action taking place. 'I am soaring
down the ice as the crowd chants my name. The puck is in my possession
and I am certain that it will land in the net once it makes contact
with my stick.' Something like that."

He smiled at her with admiration. "Wow. That's really something. How do
you come up with stuff like that?"

She shrugged. "It's called using your imagination."

"The professor wants these papers in a week. I know I'll never have it
done in time."

"Yes, you will. Stop thinking negatively about it. Just focus on the
task at hand."

"Will you read it for me once I write it?"

She nodded as she sipped her Coke again. "Sure. I'd love to."

"Thanks. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're so smart and I
really appreciate you helping me."

"I'm happy to do it."

"So, will you come to the game Friday night? It starts at seven. I
could take you out to dinner afterwards."

She had been sipping more Coke. She nearly choked on it when he'd asked
her out. It spewed out of her mouth and all over the table.

"God, are you all right?" He asked her, slapping her on the back.

She nodded as she continued to choke. Some of it had gone down the
wrong pipe and her eyes filled with tears as she tried to clear it. She
grabbed a handful of napkins and began to wipe the table down.

"Have some water." Joe handed her the water glass that was on the table
in front of her. She shook her head as she continued to choke. He kept
patting her on the back. Finally, she felt better and then took a sip
of water to clear her throat.

"You okay now?" He asked. "You scared the heck out of me."

She nodded. "It went down the wrong way." She'd never been so mortified
in her entire life.

"Take it easy." He said as she swiped at her running tears. "You really
got me nervous for a minute."

"I'm better, thanks." She knew that her face had to be beet red.

"Good. So, we were talking about Friday night. I'll pick you up and you
can come to the game and we can go eat afterwards. Do you like Italian
food?"

She looked at him. There was no way that she was getting involved with
him. It would never last. She was too clumsy and she would only end up
embarrassing herself in front of him all the time. Besides, he had a
pretty, sexy girlfriend. He had no business asking her out and she had
no business saying yes to him.

"I can't." She lied. "I already have plans for Friday night."

He smiled at her. "What, write another chapter for that novel of
yours?"

She gave him a pained look and he laughed.

"I'm only kidding. Relax. I like teasing you. You're such an easy
target."

She glanced at her watch. "Oh, is that the time? I really have to go. I
have to take my grandmother for her hair appointment." She began to
gather up her books.

"You didn't even finish your burger."

"I really have to go. I'm sorry. Thank you for lunch. I appreciate
it."

He watched her. "Did I say something wrong?"

She shook her head. "Of course not. I really have to get going."

"Okay. If you wait a minute, I can drive you back to get your
car."

"It's okay. It's only down the street. I can walk. You didn't finish
eating." She opened her bag and took out a five dollar bill. She threw
it on the table.

"What are you doing? I said I was treating you."

"It's okay, really." She didn't want to owe him anything. For some
reason, she was feeling very badly now about the way things were going
between them. She went to gather up her jacket and it fell on the
floor. She bent down to get it and banged her head on the table.

"Ouch." Joe said but he laughed.

She glared at him.

"It's that face." He explained. "I'm not laughing because you hit your
head. It's that face you always make."

"I have to go." She grabbed her books and her purse. She'd forgotten to
close her purse and forgot also that the strap was broken. All it's
contents spilled onto the table.

She sighed deeply, losing her patience with herself and with him.

"Here, let me help." Joe grabbed her wallet and her keys.

"Thank you." She shoved everything back into her purse.

"What about Friday night?" He asked her.

But she had already turned away. He watched her walk out of the diner
and down the street. The last vision he had of her was of her dropping
her school books and bending down to pick them up.

-------------------

Shauna amazed herself. She was a klutz but she was a very good driver.
She'd been driving for a year and prided herself on being very careful.
She obeyed all traffic laws and did everything right. Still, she was
having a hard time driving the short distance home. It was hard to
drive when she was crying.

She pulled up in front of their small but well kept blue gingerbread
house with the sparkling white trim. Evelyn Patterson was busy taking
care of her rose bushes. Her grandmother loved to garden. She was
outside, weather permitting, doing something to her plants or to her
vegetable garden out in the back everyday.

"Hi Grandma." Shauna greeted her and put her shades on so that her
grandmother couldn't see her tears.

Her grandmother turned around and gave her a warm smile. "Hello, dear.
How was your first day at school?"

"Good." She replied and then gave her a kiss on her still-smooth cheek.
Her paternal grandmother was 70 but she looked about 20 years younger.
She stayed active and took good care of herself. She had some arthritis
that slowed her down once in awhile but Shauna admired her. She had
clear blue eyes that always seemed to be twinkling.

"That's it, just good?" Grandma was wearing a straw hat to keep the sun
out of her eyes. She looked cute but chic at the same time. Her
grandmother had always been very chic. Shauna wished that some of it
would rub off on her.

"I only dropped my stuff three times today and I tripped once."

"Oh honey." Grandma put her arm around Shauna's shoulders. "Come inside
and I'll make you something to eat."

"I already had something. This boy in my class asked me to have a
hamburger with him."

Grandma's eyes went wide. "You met someone? How nice! Tell me all about
him."

Shauna shook her head. "It's nothing. He's just having problems with
his English and he asked me to help him. He's a hockey player, way out
of my league. Besides, he has a girlfriend who's really pretty and
sexy. I'm going upstairs to get started with my homework."

"But honey, I want to hear all about your first day." Grandma took her
hat off. Her blond hair was very bright in the sun.

"I'm sorry, Grandma." Her voice was very soft. "I don't feel like
talking about it. If you need me, I'll be up in my room." She went into
the house.

Shauna raced up the stairs and went into her bedroom. She closed the
door and dropped her books on her desk next to her computer. Then she
lay down on the bed and buried her face into the pillow. She liked Joe
a lot even though he had laughed at her and teased her. She knew he
meant well. He was very nice and good looking and she felt an
attraction to him. He had been very sweet to her but that was only
because he wanted her help with his English. She decided that she
wouldn't help him. Spending time with him would be too much for her to
bear. She'd recommend him talk to the teachers about the problems he
was having. She couldn't torture herself by being near him all the
time. He would never even give her the time of day anyway so what
difference did it make?

She would never have a boyfriend, not when she was so clumsy all the
time. Everyone had always made fun of her and laughed at her and that
hurt. She had her writing and that was something she was good at it,
better than everyone else. Her writing was her salvation and that was
all she needed right now.

-------------------

The two classes that she shared with Joe continued that Thursday
morning and she had nearly forgotten about them. She made sure that she
was at the first class early which was also an English class. She was
one of the first students to arrive to the class and this time,
Professor Hadley greeted her warmly.

"Miss Patterson, good morning."

"Good morning , Professor." She replied dutifully and took a seat in
the back of the classroom.

The professor followed her only a moment later. "I didn't realize that
you are the same Shauna Patterson who writes for the Daily Sun too from
time to time."

She nodded. "Yes, I usually submit something several times a
month."

He nodded. "Very impressive. I've read your work and I must say, you
have talent. I checked your high school transcript. Most impressive.
You graduated with an almost perfect average. You were accepted to many
top schools all over the country. You applied to places like Yale and
UCLA and you were accepted and yet you decided to come to the local
community college. Any particular reason why?"

"My grandmother and I live together and I didn't want to leave her
alone. She's kind of old and I don't like to be away from her."

He nodded in understanding. "Can I ask you why you applied to those
schools then?"

"I just wanted to see if I could get in. I did want to go to Yale but
like I said, I decided to stay home." From the corner of her eye, she
saw Joe come into the classroom.

Professor Hadley looked at her. "I somehow get the feeling that you're
going to get lost in this school. You're a bright girl. I'm sure you'll
have no problems excelling." He went back to his desk.

Joe sat next to her. "Hey. What was that about?"

"Nothing. Professor Hadley was just telling me that he reads my stuff
in the paper."

Joe smiled at her. "That's impressive."

She nodded and opened her book, pretending to read.

"So, how've you been?" Joe asked her.

"Okay."

"Good. I started working on my essay. Do you think you could check it
for me? I wrote for hours the other night. I think it came out pretty
good so far but I want to know what you think about it. I was thinking
about you when I wrote it. I used your idea about starting it off with
an action sequence. I hope you don't mind but it sounded good to me.
Even my older brother thought it was cool. He's into writing stuff too
but not like you. He's just good at it. So, will you look at it for
me?"

He sounded so hopeful that she couldn't break his heart. Her resolve
melted. She had planned it all out what she would say to him about
asking the professor for help. Now, she couldn't do it. She didn't have
the heart.

"Sure." She said softly.

His face lit up. "Thanks! I really appreciate it, more than you know. I
hate this stuff and I'm not very good at it and your opinion means a
lot to me."

"I get the idea." She mumbled and was grateful when the professor
started the class.

Joe seemed to be really trying hard to take an interest in what the
professor was saying. This particular class was literature and they had
to read classic stuff that he admitted to hating. When the class was
dismissed, she collected her things. So far, she hadn't dropped
anything or tripped over anybody. She was doing good today.

Joe grabbed her books for her. "I'll carry them for you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to." He smiled at her. "I'm just trying to be a gentleman.
Maybe, I'm just trying to butter you up to helping me with my
essay."

"I already said I would help you."

"I know and I appreciate it."

They began to walk to their next class together.

"So," he began slowly, "you never really gave me an answer about
tomorrow night. Are you coming to the game or not?"

She shook her head. "I can't. I have other plans."

He looked disappointed. "Darn. That's too bad. I told some of my
friends about you. They're also on the team and they've been having
problems with their English courses too. I thought maybe you could help
them out too."

She stared at him in disbelief. "Joe, what do I look like to you? I
can't help everyone, you know."

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I just thought..."

She shook her head and grabbed her books from him. "Please, don't do
that again." She walked away from him.

He looked at her, wondering what he had done wrong. Determined to set
things right between them, he went after her. "Shauna, I'm sorry. I
didn't mean...it's just that you're so damn smart. You know this stuff.
We don't. We need these courses to graduate. We're just a bunch of dumb
hockey players. I was giving you a compliment when I told them about
you. Look, it's only three other guys. You could help the four of us. I
know you can. We'd even pay you to tutor us. Please? Won't you help
us?"

It wasn't the fact that he said they would pay her to help them. It was
the way he said it and the way he looked when he said it, like a
little, lost puppy dog who hoped that she would take him home with
her.

She sighed heavily. "Fine. I'll help you and your friends. But I don't
want any money. I'll just do it because I'll do it. Okay?"

He beamed at her. "So will you come to the game?"

"Do the words 'give it up' mean anything to you?"

"Not a thing. I'll pick you up tomorrow at six. How's that?"

She sighed again. "That is not a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because then my grandmother will think that you're my new beau and I
don't want her thinking that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're not."

"Would it be so bad if I was?" He asked curiously.

"You're not. You have a girlfriend anyway."

"I told you it wasn't serious between the two of us."

"What difference does it make?"

"A lot. I asked you out to dinner and you ignored me. In fact, if I
remember correctly, you almost choked to death on a mouthful of
Coke.
What was that about? Do you want to date me or not?"

Now she was angry because she knew that he was making fun of her. No
boy had ever asked her out before. She had been teased all her life for
either being too smart or too clumsy. She knew that Joe was poking fun
at her, getting her hopes up for no good reason.

"I don't think that's very funny." She told him. "I don't appreciate
being made fun of."

"Who's making fun of you?" He looked at her in disbelief. "I asked you
out on a date and you think I'm making fun of you. Why, Shauna?"

She shook her head. "Just forget it. I'll come to the game but I'll
meet you there. Okay?"

He nodded. "If that's what you want."

"Yes, thank you."

"I think you think that a guy wouldn't want to date you because you're
clumsy. But you're wrong. You're a nice girl and you're smart and
you're pretty too. You think I'm laughing at you everytime you trip or
hit your head on something but I'm not. I laugh at that face you make.
You're your own worst enemy, Shauna. I like you. I wish you could see
that."

Her heart skipped a beat in her chest but she ignored him. She was too
embarrassed to say something to him now. It was too overwhelming what
he had just said. And maybe, just maybe, he really meant all of
it.

They walked the rest of the way in silence.

After the class was dismissed, Joe asked her if she wanted to go out
for lunch again. She declined, saying that she had to go home and help
her grandmother with something. The truth was that she didn't want to
be around him anymore for now. Her feelings for him confused her. She
wanted to believe that he was serious when he asked her out to dinner
but she had a hard time believing it. She wished that she could trust
him but it was hard. She had enough to deal with all her life. She
didn't want to deal with anymore.

------------------

Shauna sat in the stands clutching a cup of Coke and a hot pretzel. She
couldn't believe she was doing this to herself. She was actually
sitting in a public place with food and drink in her hands. So far,
nothing tragic had happened to her but the night was still young.

The stands were filling up quickly. She watched as Joe skated around
the ice with his teammates during the warm-ups. He looked so good in
his black and red hockey uniform. She noticed the 'C' on his jersey. He
hadn't told her that he was the team captain.

He was standing at the edge of the ice looking up into the stands.
Suddenly, he was waving in her direction. She knew that he wasn't
waving at her so she ignored him.

"Shauna! Hey, Shauna!"

He was calling her. She tried to wave back and dropped her pretzel. She
saw Joe smiling at her. He'd seen her drop it. Darn it.

She hung onto her Coke for dear life. The last thing she needed to do
was spill it on someone's head.

The game started and the crowd went crazy. Crystal Falls was a big
hockey town and they took their sport seriously, even at the college
level. The first quarter was two minutes old when Joe scored the first
goal. The crowd went wild. Even Shauna cheered but she was careful, oh
so careful, with her soda. She decided to finish it quick just to avoid
any accidents.

Joe pretty much dictated the rest of the game. He scored a hat trick
and the team had won by the score of eight to two. It was still
exciting even though they had dominated the whole game.

When the game was over, Joe waved for her to come down to the ice. She
grabbed her jacket and walked down the steps to get to the next level.
She tripped over someone and fell flat on her face.

"Are you all right, miss?" The man was old enough to be her
grandfather. "Didn't see you coming there."

"Sorry." She hung onto him as he helped her up. "Thank you. I'm fine."
She assured him. Red-faced, she continued to make her way down to the
ice, holding onto the bannister for dear life.

"Are you all right?" Joe asked her as she met up with him.

She nodded. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. Your mouth is bleeding. You must have cut it when you
fell. You need some ice? Come down here. We'll get you some."

"Forget it. I'm fine." She didn't want him making a big deal out of it.
It was embarrassing enough that he saw her fall.

"Shauna, you're bleeding. Let me get you some ice before it swells up.
Come down here." He held his arms out to her.

"On the ice?" She exclaimed.

"I'll hold you." He assured her.

She shook her head. "Forget it. I'm not coming down there."

"What's the matter? Don't you trust me?"

"I don't trust myself. You know what's going to happen, Joe."

"Nothing is going to happen. I'll hold onto you. Come on, Shauna.
There's blood dripping all over the place."

"Joe..."

He grabbed her and swung her over the partition that separated the
bench from the ice.

"Joe, put me down!" She struggled to get out of his arms.

"Okay." He put her down on the ice and hung on to her.

She clung to him for dear life. "Don't you dare let go of me!"

He grinned at her. "You've got to trust me, Shauna. More importantly,
you've got to trust yourself." He took his hand from off her
shoulder.

"Joe!" She reached out for him. "I'm going to fall!"

"No, you're not. You're going to fall only if you lead yourself to
believe that you are. You won't fall, Shauna. I won't let you."

He could see the terror on her face. Then she began to relax.

"That's it. You're doing fine, Shauna. You can do this."

"Joe."

"Ssh. Relax."

"You just told me that I was bleeding all over the place."

"I lied. There's only a little bit of blood. You'll live."

"I should kill you for this. I should leave you to the mercy of all the
English professors in this college."

He laughed. "I think you're going to like the essay I wrote. I trusted
you. Now you have to trust me."

He was moving away from her inch by inch.

"Joe."

He held his arms out to her. "Come to me. Don't be afraid. You can do
it."

Gingerly, she stepped on the ice toward him.

"You can do it." He assured her in a soft voice.

He kept inching away and she kept coming to him.

Finally, he stopped moving and she came to him. She grabbed him and Joe
took her into his arms.

"You did it. See? I told you that you could." He grinned at her.

"You think you're so smart."

"I just want you to get out of that mind-set that you're so
clumsy."

"But I am. You saw it when I dropped my pretzel. You saw when I tripped
on the steps."

He nodded. "Yes, I did and you made that face and I love it when you
make that face. I absolutely love it." He smiled at her and gave her a
kiss on the lips.

"Why did you do that for?"

"Because I wanted to. I like you, Shauna. I hope you like me too. I'll
go take a shower and then we can go get a bite to eat. Would you like
that?"

"I suppose so."

"Don't sound so enthused." He teased her and then put his arm around
her shoulders. "By next week you will be my skating partner."

"I highly doubt that." She clung to him again.

"We'll see." He winked at her as he touched her face.

----------------------

The following Thursday, Joe yelled out his excitement. He clutched his
essay in his hands and gave Shauna a broad smile.

"I got an A! I can't believe it! I got an A!"

"Did you?" She took the paper out of his hand. "Oh wow! You did! That's
great!"

"I couldn't have done it without you. You're the one who deserves the
credit. You helped me. You checked my spelling and my grammar and all
of that."

"But you did the real work. You're the one who wrote it."

"But you helped me. You're so awesome, Shauna. I don't know what I
would have done without you. Come on, let's go celebrate. I'll buy you
some lunch and then we can go for our skating practice after
that."

Shauna collected her things, smiling. She had gotten an A plus on her
own essay and the professor had read it in front of the class.

"Are you ready?" Joe asked her as he took her books from her.

She nodded. "Yes, I am."

They left the school together and went to the diner. They had burgers
and Cokes again for lunch. They went to the ice rink after to practice
skating together.

Shauna was doing well with her skating. They were going around the rink
together and finally, Joe released her and watched her as she skated
the length of the rink by herself.

"I did it!" She said to him when she came back to be by his side. "I
did it all by myself!"

"Yes, you did. I am so proud of you." He hugged her and gave her a
kiss.

"I'm proud of you. You got an A on your paper. That's just great, Joe.
You see what happens when you put your mind to something?"

"I can say the same for you. You're skating by yourself now. You went
an entire week without anything happening to you. I am so proud of
you."

She took his hand and pulled him with her. "Let's skate some
more."

"Okay." He followed her and then he slipped and fell to the ice.

They looked at each other and laughed.

"Looks like I'm falling for you now." He told her and he kissed her
again.