The Pied Piper of Dagenham

The Pied Piper of Dagenham: A Child's Story.
(After Robert Browning)

I

Dagenham Town's in Essex,
By famous London city;
The river Thames, both deep and wide,
Washes its way past the southern side;
A smokier spot you never spied;
But, when begins my ditty,
Not so very long ago,
To see the townsfolk suffer so
From gridlock was a pity.

II

Cars!
They squashed hedgehogs and killed the cats,
And choked the babies in their cradles,
And shook the tenants out of their flats,
And curdled the cream on the cook's own ladles,
Took over the streets like autocrats,
And jammed together like packs of rats,
And even spoiled the people's chats
By drowning their speaking
With growling and shrieking
In fifty different sharps and flats.

III

At last the locals in a body
To the Town Hall came flocking
'Tis clear, cried they, our Council's shoddy,
And as for the highway planners - shocking
To think our taxes pave the way
For fools without the guts to say
This plague of cars must go away!
You think because we all use wheels
We can't see what their ease conceals?
Rouse up then! Give your brains a racking
To find the remedy we're lacking,
Or, sure as fate, we'll send you packing!
At this the Mayor and his congregation
Quaked with a mighty consternation.

IV

An hour they sat in council;
At length the Mayor broke silence:
I'd use an unleaded pencil
If I thought it would make a difference!
It's easy to bid one rack one's brain -
And now my poor head aches again,
I've scratched it so, and all in vain.
Oh, for a law, a law, a law!
As he said this, pacing round the floor,
Came a hooting sound from the chamber door.
Bless us, what's that? cried the Mayor,
(And he stood with the councillors, below his par,
Wishing he had the key to the bar;
He felt his forehead getting moist
And hoped his anxiety wasn't voiced,
For his leadership was under scrutiny
And now was not the time for mutiny).
It was only a hoot, but not too far,
And anything like the sound of a car
Makes my nervous system jar!

V

Come in! the Mayor cried, looking wan:
And in did come the strangest man!
His strange long coat from foot to neck
All green in colour with small white fleck,
And he himself was tall and thin,
With sharp blue eyes that shone within,
And short red hair, yet swarthy skin,
Long beard protruding from his chin,
Small nose where air went out and in;
There was no guessing his origin;
And no-one there could quite admire
The stranger and his odd attire.
Said one: Looks like his head's on fire,
And I wouldn't give an old ten bob note
For that imitation frog-skin coat!

VI

He advanced to the council table
Saying, Please good people, I am able
By means of a secret power to weave
A spell to make the cars all go
Wherever I bid the traffic flow
So your own eyes you won't believe!
And I mainly use my skill
On afflictions that make people ill,
Like car or virus, bug or viper,
And people call me the Pied Piper.
(And here they noticed hanging round
His neck a pipe on a cord of flax
With which he'd made the car-horn sound
That stopped their meeting in its tracks;
And his fingers, they noticed, were ever straying
As if impatient to be playing
Upon his pipe that hung with beard
Over the coat that looked so weird.)
Said he Pied Piper I'm bestowed,
And in Basildon I freed the road
Of 'Wayne and Tracy' window stars
And cleared Romford of its lorry load
And Southend of mobile snack bars,
And as for your own brains' impasse
If I can rid your town of cars
Will you curtail the new bypass?
Bypass? All road plans we shall cancel
Cried the astonished Mayor and council

VII

Into the street the piper stepped
With concentration on his brow,
He knew full well what magic slept
Within his pipe, unstirred 'till now;
Then, to show he was adept,
He puckered up to blow his pipe,
And gave his lips a gentle wipe
And when the moment was most ripe,
Three shrill notes from his pipe departed,
And a distant droning instantly started;
And the droning grew to a whirring;
And the whirring grew to a mighty roaring;
And out of the streets the cars came pouring.
Big cars, small cars, clean cars, dusty cars,
Red cars, black cars, white cars, rusty cars,
Slow old plodders, fast young shooters,
Latest models, earlier cousins,
Flashing lights and sounding hooters,
Family saloons in tens and dozens,
And every bumper, brake and boot
Followed the Piper for their route.
From street to street he piped cajoling
And wheel by wheel they followed, rolling,
Until they came to the river Thames,
Wherein all plunged and were washed to sea!
- Save one of Ford's production gems
Whose buoyancy was somewhat poor,
Was caught on the banks of the estuary
And pushed back to the factory floor:
There disbelieving engineers,
(The piping had not reached their ears),
Dismantled the car down to its gears
And tried to disengage their fears
That their design might be the fault
Which ceased the normal engine's halt;
When parked in garage or out on drive
They shouldn't really come alive;
It seemed as though a mysterious force
(Stronger by far than any battery)
Had pushed the cars from their normal course
And onto a road too soft and watery!
But none of the boffins could decide
What caused the automotive tide,
And swallowed their manufactured pride,
Which now the sea would quickly hide;
What mystery had overtaken them,
Somehow able to awaken them,
So that brakes and gravity had forsaken them?

VIII

You should have heard the Dagenham people
Ringing the bells till they rocked the steeple.
Go, cried the Mayor, and put up barriers,
To keep out any transport carriers!
We don't want to hear one engine transmission!
Then up came the Piper, contract in hand,
Just sign this, he said, to save your land,
And cancel the bypass planning permission.

IX

Cancel permission! The Mayor looked green,
As the councillors disappeared from the scene.
They knew he'd turn to them for support,
But decided instead to leave him caught;
He hadn't seen them misbehave,
So up he spoke, still sounding brave,
I'm afraid I can't agree to that,
My signature at the drop of a hat!
Besides, said the Mayor, you've fulfilled your pledge,
Our business was ended at the river's edge;
We saw quite clearly the cars all sink,
They won't be coming back, I think;
So whilst I certainly wouldn't shrink
From the pleasure of giving you a drink,
And the freedom of Dagenham for your pains,
The planning permission still remains
As long as I wear these Mayoral chains.
And as for the drink, I'll buy you ten
If you don't ask me to sign again!

X

The Piper's face fell, his voice was low,
Don't fool with me, I've got to go -
I've promised to visit by dinner time
The Ritz in London to accept the prime
Of the head chef's food, which he's rich in,
If I clear away a nest in his kitchen
Of cockroaches, leaving no survivor,
And he's a terrible bargain driver,
He only wanted to give me a fiver!
People who put me in a passion
May find me pipe in a different fashion!

XI

What! Cried the Mayor, Do you think I'm afraid
Because with this cook a deal you've made?
I find your attitude most ripe
With your weirdo clothes and crazy pipe!
Threaten me - go on, do your worst,
And blow your pipe until you burst!

XII

He took two strides along the street
And put to his lips again
The thin, long pipe of smooth, straight cane
And blew three notes so sweet,
Notes that even from a bird
The Mayor knew he had never heard.
There was a tension that caught the attention
And no-one dare mention their own apprehension;
Then small feet came pattering, design trainers clattering,
Jackets all rustling tongues quietly chattering,
And like free-range chickens when corn-feed is scattering,
Out came the children running!
All the little girls and boys
With computer eyes from expensive toys
And pasty skins and awkward poise,
Tripping and stumbling, ran hypnotised after
The strange, eerie music, with no sound of laughter.

XIII

The Mayor was dumb, and the councillors stood
As if they were changed into blocks of wood,
But they couldn't hide their shocked surprise
As the children swarmed along like flies
They could only follow with their eyes
The silent crowd at the Piper's back:
Now the Mayor knew he was on the rack
And his heart rose upwards to his mouth
As the Piper turned towards the south
To where the Thames still rolled along,
Right in front of the offspring throng!
But at the last he turned them east
And not 'til Canvey Island ceased,
Where all the children were policed
And onto the island were released.
He'll never keep them on that land,
The people said, He's played his hand,
Because a bridge the waters spanned.
But when they reached the bridges' end
The structure then began to bend
As if a hinge had suddenly formed,
So the Piper advanced and the children swarmed
And when they were over, to the very last,
The island from the mainland cast.
Did I say all? No, one was left,
He'd tripped, still on the mainland side;
So of his friends he was bereft,
But glad he'd missed the Pipers'ride, -
It's dull in Dagenham without my mates,
But as I'm not sure of their fates
Since Canvey Island sailed away,
I'm just glad I'm still here today!
I hope they won't be harmed at all,
As the Piper told us in his call
That he'd make Canvey really cool,
We'd never have to go to school,
We'd play computer games and pool,
And have our music really loud,
And stay up late. We'd be allowed
To wear whatever clothes we like
And each have our own designer bike;
But I'll never know if this made sense
As I tripped and tore my ligaments,
It might have been a smart deceit
To make us get onto our feet
And follow him along the street;
But none of us felt in any danger
From what was promised by this stranger!

XIV

Alas, alas for Dagenham!
The Mayor now wished he'd properly planned,
As for bridge nights - you're not in command
Unless you know your opponents hand
Or there's no use in blagging them!
He now sent east, west north and south
To offer the Piper by word of mouth
Whatever he wanted if they could find him,
Cancelled roads to his hearts content,
If he'd only return the way he went
And bring the children back behind him.
But they saw it was a lost endeavour,
The Piper and kids had gone forever
And so in the future it would never
Be forgotten just what had occurred
They made a plaque with day, month and year
In memory of what happened here
When all the youth did disappear
And not one of us could speak a word
To stop a stranger's clever tricks.
And for posterity to fix
The place of the children's last retreat
They christened it Pied Piper's Street.
Here anyone playing pipe or flute
Would be guaranteed to get the boot;
Nor would they allow the pub
To be too merry, night or day,
And they even closed the big dance club
So no-one else could dance away;
And on the great church window painted
Their story, to make the world acquainted
With how each child became absentee
Because of the Mayor's stupidity.
But I must not forget, you see,
To say what happened to the hive
Of Dagenham kids, now still alive
And living well on their own island,
Without a single car on dry land;
For they decided not to bring
A similar sort of suffering
To their new and peaceful land,
As had their parents, by their own hand,
And so they float quite happily
On their own rock, somewhere at sea.

XV

So if you see a strange young whelp
Who offers you his pipe for help,
Then please make sure, take my advice,
That you don't forget to pay his price!