My Dinosaur Era Chapter 2 *Rewrite*
By beanzie
- 45 reads
the ten years in between left me in tatters
broken daily by the shit I consumed
great beers to bad porn
they ate away at me
I lay down and allowed them
I drifted around the place
from damp flats in dagenham
to damper ones in the hills that overlooked brighton
I fled each container
looking for safety in a new box
the first brighton flat felt like wet paper
paper so sodden that it might collapse on me as I slept
slugs rising up from the skirting boards
licking my ears as I lay hungover
on sheets that clung to me
I felt like a plague was taking me in those days
my will terrified to intervene
my eyes wide open yet seeing nothing
one wednesday afternoon
when the shower stopped working
I packed a rucksack
went to gatwick on the national express
took a cheap flight to bilbao
a place that I had longed for
from the lens provided by the internet
southern spain seemed too raucous
too full of brits
there’s bangers and mash at home
I sat by the river eating delicious food
balanced on tiny bits of bread
didn’t know they were pintxos
or how the hell you pronounce it
I tipped luscious rioja wine down my throat
wandered around the guggenheim
smiled drunkenly at the basque people
striding around
going about their days
back home, the flat was seeping still
I imagined it underwater
shoals of fish swimming through broken windows
a frog sat in the sink
I never went back to that place but I did leave spain
the money ran out
so did the thrill of cosplaying a holiday
when in truth I was just hiding
I stayed with my sister in Hove
her sofa so deep and kind
she hated me being there
just for a couple of weeks I promise
I lied, no great plan to save me
I took a job selling shit to people
people who rarely wanted to accept that particular gift
plugged into my desk by means of a headset
a contraption that gripped you firmly
even when you took it off at half five
one bloke went to the pub at lunchtime
with his headset still on
gulping pints with the wire clanking against his glass
not sure anyone else even noticed or maybe, like me
thought it best to keep quiet
I had to pretend that I knew about finance
solely to trick people into taking another call
about some made up thing
a new dimension where the money is endless
where everything grows on trees
it should have sickened me more than it did
you’d have to be a greedy fool to fall for that
so my conscience sat quietly in the corner
as I dribbled down the line
the worst thing was
I was good at it
they believed me
after seven months
I went to the pub with my headset on
I never went back
they billed me fourteen ninety nine
for the unreturned equipment
I earned enough to rent a new flat that was above sea level
ninety two stairs up, regency splendour
sub let to the poor and needy
from the balcony I could see the battered old pier
its remnants struggling to stay in place with each gust of wind
a flatmate, samantha
never call her sam
her young daughter, whose name I forget now
who screamed in the night
all smiles in the morning
washing machine on the whole time
washing up almost touching the ceiling
I started growing mushrooms in a cupboard in my room
a small distraction from this world
buttons of magic on a shelf
walking along the seafront lawns
the grass flashed purple
the pier waved at me
I was high enough to look down
not too high to fall off
sam found the shrooms
her outrage made me shudder
I had to leave
my daughter though
what about my daughter
she cried
at the fungi
I packed my bags
clutched my jars against my chest on the bus
I munched a mushroom, raw
tasted like fresh soil
washed it down with a can of gin and tonic
a belch emerged from within me
a woman looked round and wondered what I had said
as the air filled with juniper and substrate.
back to my sister’s, just a couple of weeks
I pleaded again, her
worried that I’d fart on her john lewis couch
spill red wine on the fifty quid a metre carpet
reluctantly she smiled
her teeth gritted tight
after a month, she left me a note
she was going on holiday for a week
I had to be gone before she was back
we were never close
each of us recalling our childhoods with different filters
growing apart each year
until we were strangers
all over again
I went to ginny’s place for the first time in two years
not even sure if she was speaking to me at the time
I needed somewhere to stay I said as she opened the door
she looked at me, a single nod
not here
you can stay with jane, you'll like jane
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