My Dinosaur Era Chapter 32

 

do you want to tell me more, I say

petula fiddles with the ashtray again

I do but it’s a long story, they always are aren’t they, she says

often, yes, I say

she looks like a child, squirming on her seat

doesn’t know what to do with herself, awkward as fuck

her usual poise is gone, filtered out 

it’s not that I want to keep anything from you, you deserve some sort of explanation, she says

not really, I mean, I don't really know you, I know very little about you, so perhaps I don’t deserve anything in terms of an explanation, I just want to know that you are ok, I say

I feel ok now that I am here, now that I am with you and patrycja has been so kind too, I’m wearing her clothes, I left in a bit of a rush, she says

you’re the same size, ginny’s clothes would be like a kid’s on you, I say

she tugs at her shorts, sits on one hand

look, you’re here and you are safe, how long are you here for, I say

I don’t know, I only booked one way, I didn’t know if I’d find you, she says

we are here for a few more days, can you stick around, I say

yes, I want to stick around, if you want me to, she says

of course I do, I say

I reach out for her hand, it falls limply into mine

what would you like to do tonight, I say

I’m really hungry, I didn’t eat yet today, she says

then we shall eat, I say

will you get ginny and patrycja back, I don’t want to mess up your holiday, she says

I will but you haven’t messed anything up, I’m glad you are here, I say

I will tell you more, I promise, I just want to eat and try to centre myself a bit, she says

well, you are in the right place then, that’s why I’m here, I say

 

patrycja, ginny, petula and me

all sat around the table

petula is devouring a selection of pintxos

ginny is next to me, her chair touching mine

she smokes, watches petula eat, blowing her trail sideways

patrycja holds her drink in one hand, leaning back

soon, we go inside, yes, it is too cold now sun is gone, says patrycja

mm, yeah, I am cold, says petula

you are not wearing many clothes, here, says patrycja

she pulls a sweatshirt from the bag at her feet

petula puts it on, her head emerges, still chewing

to be honest, I’m exhausted, says petula

yeah, me too, I say

ginny puts her hand on my arm

shall we go back to the hotel, have a drink at the bar, says ginny

it’s just so early, I say

tomorrow we leave early, for beach, miss the traffic, says patrycja

how early, says ginny

I pick you up at seven thirty, driving is better then, says patrycja

jesus, says ginny

ok, let’s have an early one tonight then, I say

petula can stay with me, yes, says patrycja

we all look at petula

I mean, yeah, if that’s ok, she says

are you sure, timmy, says ginny

yeah, it’s fine, I say

 

drinks are finished, we stand

ginny goes to patrycja

I go to petula

so, I’ll see you in the morning, I say

yeah, the beach, huh, cool, says petula

it’s so good to see you, I say

you too, she says

we embrace, a gentler hug than before

as we come apart, she kisses me on the mouth

just a touch of the lips, so brief

has patrycja been teaching you her ways, I say

hmm, looks that way doesn’t it, she says

over her shoulder I see patrycja kissing ginny

still gentle, still brief

we swap

ginny comes to me

petula goes with patrycja

 

walking to the hotel, weariness invades me

fuck, my legs are gone, I say

shall we uber it to the hotel then, says ginny

ha, fuck off, I can see it from here, I say

then quit moaning, big boy, she says

shall we get a drink and take it up to the room, I say

nah, I’m fine, I just want to go to bed really, she says

I might get a brandy, dunno why, it just feels right, I say

ok you weirdo, I’ll go up and see you in a minute, she says

I drag myself to the bar, ginny waits for the lift up to our room

the brandy smells sour, could be a great brandy or a shit one

I have no idea, do I even like brandy

fuck it, can’t be arsed to carry it, drink it like a shot

catch the next lift

 

I go into the room, ginny is naked, standing by the bed

she grabs a tee shirt and holds it against her chest

I smile

 

what’s so funny, she says

 

you do know I have seen you naked before, right, I say

 

well, yeah, but that was different

 

how was it different

 

it just was

 

do you mean because it was before we knew petula was here

 

well, yeah, I guess, I mean, she’s back now, we can’t do, you know, that stuff we were doing before

 

why not

 

because you like her, so we can’t be doing stuff, can we

 

we didn’t have sex, did we, we just held each other

 

no, it wasn’t sex but it wasn’t just holding each other either, was it timmy

 

I walk over to her,

put my arms over her shoulders

look into her eyes

 

look, we can do whatever we want, this is what I meant about people going nuts when there’s the merest sniff of sex in the air, right

 

she looks at me

sad eyes

wobbly mouth

 

look, let’s just go to sleep tonight

 

wouldn’t you rather petula was here

 

no, not really, not right now, she’s in a confused state, I still don’t know what is going on with her either, I’m happy to be here with you

 

I saw her kiss you, was that your first kiss with her

 

I suppose it was, yeah

 

she snuggles her head into my chest

talks into my torso

 

I don’t know what’s going on with me either

 

what do you mean

 

I dunno, kissing patrycja, fancying her, then she is kissing everyone else, then I’m naked with you and you’re touching my bum and I really like that too, then there’s petula and you and the, oh, I don’t know

 

look, look at me

 

ok

 

we all can be anything we want to be, here, in bilbao, or back in brighton, I’m confused too, but it’s all good, right, nothing bad is happening

 

timmy, can I kiss you, like patrycja does, that gentle one

 

sure

 

she kisses me

we go to bed

sleep finds its way into us

the morning crawls closer