My Dinosaur Era Chapter 5 *Rewrite*
By beanzie
- 79 reads
I don’t know the band we are seeing tonight
ginny had a thing with one of them last year
she’s had a thing with a lot of people in a lot of bands
I guess it’s what she does
she’s in a band herself
a band that rarely gigs
because of her crippling stage fear
they’re great when they do actually play
bluesy rock, ginny lead singer
where else could she be
I look into my pint
dirty lager that I don’t want
ginny is talking to someone by the stage
a woman, tall, short dark hair, massive eyes
maybe she’s the one in the band she used to fuck
so hard to tell, could be any one of them
she’s been in a woman fucking phase
but she may have switched to a man fucking phase
I don’t keep track
she comes back over to me
leans in, speaks into my ear
why do you always look sad?
because I feel sad
she shrugs
did you see me talking to that woman over there?
yes, she’s really tall and has massive eyes
that’s petula
no one is called petula, don’t be silly
yes they are, she is, you are so blinkered sometime, timmy
I shrug
I was telling her about you, she says
what were you telling her?
how funny and clever you are
heh, fuck off
no really, I think I sold you, she seemed into it
into what?
you, you dummy
why would she be into me? she’s stunning
that’s the spirit, mate, always so fucking positive
it’s true though
it is not true, you moron, she is stunning and she has seen you and for whatever reason, she’s into you, so maybe just roll with it?
I wait for the headline band to come on
ginny has disappeared into the throng
she’s so tiny, she could be anywhere
small, sweaty venue
I’m lost amongst these people
I want to go home and watch a film
not be elbow to elbow with strangers
petula has shuffled to my side
she is too beautiful for me
ginny has lost her mind
again
always trying to find me that elusive woman
someone who’ll varnish over everything in me
petula though
I say it over and over in my head
petula
petula
petula
she looks at me and speaks
are you having fun?
yeah, sure I say
you don’t look like you are
how do I look?
you look sad
that’s what they tell me
you look like you want to go home
I always look like that
she laughs, bites her lip
like she wanted to say something but doesn’t
I speak instead
I actually do want to go home and watch a film
which film?
jurassic park
that is a great film
yeah, it is
why don’t you go and watch it then?
I’m trying to get out more and talk to people, ginny made me come
we could go and watch the film
right now?
yes
are you not into being here either?
not really, too many people, ginny made me come
yeah, she does that
petula smiles
someone bumps my into me from behind
I make up my mind to leave
let’s buy snacks and drinks from M&S and go
yes, let’s do that
we go to the M&S in the train station
it lights up the night
petula waits outside and smokes
I go in, squinting
head banging with all the brightness
booze first, snacks second
I pick up four cans of passion fruit martini
four of gin and tonic
that was easy, snacks are trickier
beef hula hoops, chocolate coated peanuts
I dither over mini scotch eggs, go with no
scotch eggs are not a night time snack
they should be consumed in daylight
pick up some posh crisps
some ridiculous flavour
outside, she’s leaning against the wall
still smoking
the shop illuminates her
long legs encased in shiny black leggings
her face partially obscured by the smoke
she looks at me and I hold up the bag, triumphant
I have hunted and I have gathered
she smiles, flicks her cigarette under a passing bus
I open the door to the flat
is there shit everywhere?
is there porn flickering in the dark?
is the fridge full of mushed up forgotten food?
the flat is tiny
a studio they call it
a bedsit before now
it’s just alcoves and a bathroom
the deposit courtesy of jane
brighton is so expensive
crippling me each month
mortgage paid by another shit job
writing copy for a travel site
trying to make horrible sounding hotels seem like
they are not so fucking horrible
petula follows me in
throws off her jacket
it’s warm in here, left the heating on
I think about the meter clicking away
spewing fivers into the air
the place doesn’t look too bad
a couple of discarded sweatshirts
no crumpled tissues
any other signs of me falling apart
she slumps onto the sofa
I go to the kitchen alcove
fumble all the bought goods onto the counter
I search in the cupboards for glasses
ones that don’t make it look like I never use glasses
passion fruit martini in a champagne flute
gin and tonic in a tumbler
posh crisps in a pasta bowl
I turn on a sidelight and petula emerges from the darkness
her face is so symmetrical that it makes me blink
her eyes even bigger in this small space
I hand her gin and tonic
crash the crisps down on the coffee table
I sit next to her and turn the TV on
this huge beast that takes up half a wall
my portal to a world beyond my three and a half walls
the endless nooks masquerading as rooms
we’re sitting on my sofa
we’re sitting on my bed
I realise I still have my jacket on
I stand straight up again
try to strip it off
hands caught in the cuffs
struggling to escape
making it much worse
petula reaches out a hand
frees me with her fingers
I go to the bathroom
I don’t need to piss
I need to check if the toilet is full of shit
or if the sink is caked in toothpaste
it looks ok, slightly above average
I splash bleach around
flush the toilet
I look in the mirror
my eyes are puffy and red
my cheeks are flushed
yet the rest of my face is a pure white
I haven’t shaved in a few days
patchy stubble, ear hair
my shaven head looks huge
it feels like it is filled with a viscose fluid
it sloshes around when I think
creating waves that smash into my temples
I want to stay here, behind a locked door
I wonder how long would she stay
if I just didn’t come out
I sit on the edge of the bath and stare at a towel
I think of her on the sofa
waiting to watch jurassic park with me
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