My Dinosaur Era Chapter 53 [The Actual Full Epilogue]

By beanzie
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mum died six weeks after our visit
abdominal aortic aneurysm
her neighbour found her
sprawled out on the bathroom floor
they say it would have been really sudden
just lights out
I travelled up to the house with petula
michelle was already there
we hugged briefly
so light that it felt like a shadow
petula next to me
michelle looked at her, bemused
michelle, this is petula, petula, my sister, michelle
hello, nice to meet you
michelle looked at me
her eyes said
where the hell did she come from?
I smile, she shuffled me into the kitchen
petula sat on a sofa
where the hell did she come from?
I laughed
what’s so funny?
your face, incredulous, like the impossible notion that I may have a woman in my life
it’s not that she's a woman, tim, it’s that she seems normal
you can tell that from just saying hello?
no, I suppose not
she is normal, well, as normal as me anyway
how did you meet her?
I thought to try and answer honestly
how did I meet her?
I wanted to say that it’s a long story
she’s a friend of ginny’s
who’s ginny?
my best friend for the last decade
oh, right, maybe you’ve mentioned her before
I hadn’t
we are floating around in space
oblivious to each other
out of the same parents
diverging hard ever since
she’s pretty
yes, she is
is petula her real name?
I don’t actually know
you’ve never asked?
no
we stood in the kitchen drinking tea
the silence so deep
the house so devoid of spirit
five foot mum had filled the place
this giant house
with rooms I have never entered
that we didn’t even grow up in
a far cry from the housing association flat
the cement works one side
a mechanic clanking away on the other
the ferocious alsatian that guarded the alley
I said goodbye to michelle
she hugged petula this time
we sat in patrycja’s van
the engine off
the silence followed us
are you ok, timmy?
yeah, I think so, it’s different to when dad died
why’s that?
maybe because this is the actual end, like when dad went, there was still mum and how her life would be after, but now this is it, there are no more chapters for them now
I started the engine
pulled away down a hedge lined road
turned left at the sign for brighton
we joined the main road
I looked over at petula
can I ask you something?
of course, timmy
is petula your real name?
you are funny
why?
what a time to ask
oh right, yeah, I guess
yes it is my real name
not that it matters
we pulled into a space near the flat
turned off the engine
turned to petula
I think we should buy a house
a house?
yes, the flat is too small
it is small
somewhere cheaper than brighton but still near the sea
yes, ok then
I’ll have to talk to ginny and patrycja too
yes, we are all in this together
yes, we are
we all sat around the flat that night
petula looked at me
silently telling me to say it now
I’ve had an idea
a few beats of silence, till ginny piped up
aww, timmy, your first idea
I’m serious
we’re all ears, babe
I want to buy a house
and I want to snog courtney love, so what?
I want to buy a house for all of us, I’ve been working it out
fuck, you are actually serious
yes, you know I’ll be getting half the money from mum’s house, right?
ginny nodded, engaging properly for the first time
well, I think I should buy a house, for us, all of us
but half your mum’s place won’t buy a house in brighton, will it?
no, but that’s it, we can be anywhere
so where then?
somewhere cheaper than here but still by the sea, I still want that
ginny bit her lip, like she was thinking really hard
she shrieked, patrycja looked up from her phone
a disapproving glance at her noise
fuck, it’s obvious, timmy
what’s obvious?
where we need to move to, it’s fucking obvious
where?
margate, we have to move to margate, it’s way cheaper than here, the beaches are fucking lovely, botany bay, we can move to fucking botany bay
it turned out she was right
she’s always right, dammit
we did the sums
half the money I inherited
equalled
a four bedroom house in margate
with a decent lump to spare
I sat on my sofa one night
looking at the numbers on a piece of paper
petula’s neat writing laying it all out for me
patrycja sat down beside me
took the paper from me
you should not think about the numbers so much
what should I think about?
don’t think about it at all
because I already know it is the right thing to do?
I don’t know, you tell me
the winter came
living in the van in england was cold
ginny took a leave of absence from work
the hotel glad of the wage relief throughout january
her and patrycja took the ferry back to bilbao
stayed a few days there
drove all the way down to near cadiz
they sent photos from their seventeen degree coast
we replied with ones of ours draped in snow
me and petula hired a car
drove to margate in early february
the beaches were empty, iced
cormorants sat atop the groyne markers
wings outstretched
inviting the breeze to dry them
we had found a house
not by botany bay but nearby
in the depths of cliftonville
a couple of minutes from the sands
four huge bedrooms
one each, we both said at once
all the rooms full of remnants of a life
that had already run its course
the garden so overgrown it was lost in itself
I made the offer right there to the agent
he laughed, thinking I was joking
his face settling down when he saw I was not
there was a back and forth over the next week
a phone call
second offer accepted
I looked at petula
fuck, we’ve bought a whole house
on ginny and patrycja’s return
all four of us drove there in the van
ginny ran around the rooms
invading all the space at once
patrycja as inscrutable as ever
wrinkled her nose at a rotten window frame
I pointed through the glass
there’s a driveway for the van
she looked out over the concrete hard standing
yes, the right size, very good
I smiled
satisfied that this was the most effusive she had ever been
with me at least
we walked along the beach, heading east
ginny, leading the way
back in her homeland
guiding us all the way
patrycja with her arm over her shoulder
keeping her from straying too far
petula holding my hand
walking in time with each other
ginny turned her head back towards us
shouted
timmy
yeah?
you had better be looking at my arse
don’t worry babe, I am
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Comments
This perfect conclusion to
This perfect conclusion to Beanzie's intense, immersive collection of poems about Timmy, is Pick of the Day! Please do share if you can
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I'm sorry, do you not feel
I'm sorry, do you not feel they are poems? The way you have pared the lines down, so every one matters, and the flow of it all? Not like any poems I have read before, but not like any prose either. Like a play, but on the inside?
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