My Dinosaur Era Chapter 6

 

I have been summoned to meet ginny in a pub

her terse message made me nervous

this will be about petula

how I fucked it up

 

I sit in another pub before meeting her, I have bought a pint of guinness

I don’t know why, I never drink it usually

comfort drink

a cove to shelter in when the weather is rough

 

petula will have spoken to her, it was three nights ago

she hasn’t spoken to me, we didn’t swap numbers

ginny hasn’t spoken to me since that night either

that’s usual though, she drifts around in her own time

 

I might have a shot, not tequila

fuck, it’s only two in the afternoon

has it come to this

yes it has

the shot enlivened me, black sambuca, the devil’s own work

 

I put the glass down on the table, the door to the pub swings open,

ginny stands there hands on hips

brown boots up to her knees, leather jacket

fingers adorned by a dozen or more silver rings

she looks like a pirate from another dimension

she has a slight glare, a few percent more than normal

she might be pissed off at me or she may have had a shit day anyway

we weren’t meeting here, she tracked me down

 

pre-ginny drinks is it, she says

I dunno, I was just passing, I say, how did you track me down

track you down, don’t flatter yourself sunshine, I saw your huge bald skull through the window, glowing like a harvest moon, she says

she spins around and goes to the bar, returns with a pint of lager bigger than her torso

 

so, she says

leaves that hanging in the space between us, hovering over the table

I say nothing, I look past her, terrified of catching her eye

for fucks sake, timmy, say something or I will, she says

I don’t know what to say, what are you so angry about, I say

she sighs deeply, locks my eyes into hers, no escape this time

what happened with petula the other night, she says

nothing, I say

she takes an angry gulp of her pint

well, she says that you went to the toilet for twenty fucking minutes and then fell asleep about halfway though the film, she says

I wasn’t shitting for twenty minutes, I say

what the fuck were you doing, she says

I was staring at a towel, I say

honestly, I don’t know what is wrong with you, she says

I was just a bit tired, I say

you were being avoidant, timmy, she says, you fucking well know you are

I wasn’t, I was knackered, that’s all, I say

do a line then, have an espresso, wake the fuck up, she says

she’s shouting but laughing and I don’t know if she is having a full ginny meltdown or something else

look, timmy, I set you up with a fucking glorious woman, who, for some reason, seems to actually like you and you act all weird and fall asleep, she says

I never asked for any of this, ginny, I say

I know, timmy, I know but if I don’t help you, you’ll die alone and I’ll be stuck with arranging your funeral and I simply don’t have the time, she says

she smiles now, her eyes glimmering over the rim of her pint as she drinks some more, I smile too, she’s right, she’s always right, dammit

 

I awoke on the sofa that night, the TV was off, the bathroom light was still on

I went to the kitchen alcove and the two mismatched glasses were washed up and on the drainer, the empty crisp packets were in the bin, petula had tidied up, which made it worse

but made me like her more

not that I thought I would ever see her again, not me, the only main in town who can so

spectacularly fumble

every

opportunity

 

there were two passion fruit martinis left in the fridge, poured them both into a pint glass and topped them up with a splash of vodka, sank half of it all in one go

the clock on the oven

5:57AM

morning was broken

 

timmy, are you listening, says ginny

no, what did you say, I say

I said, you can give this another go, she did actually like you, maybe her going home with you was a bit of a big step,yeah, she says

it’s just all so difficult, having to say the right thing, do the right thing, all that stuff, I’m shit at it, I say

yeah, you are a bit shit, timmy but it’s not that deep babe, you don’t have to be anything like perfect, she says

just as well, I say

look, I am a total fuck up, a fucking nut, yet I still manage to get layed, she says

you know it’s different for girls, I say

depends who you are tying to fuck though, of course you are just talking about hetero stuff, I have to navigate this with men and women and yeah, it’s easier with the men but with the women, I’m still the same nut that I always am, she says

yeah but you’re hot, I say

you’re not going to flatter your way out of this, timmy, she says

I dunno, maybe I am better off alone, I say

timmy, look at me, she says

I look at her

I know you’ll want to throw your glass at me but listen to me, she says

I know what she is going to say, my chest tightens

jane died three years ago, she says

 

I do want to throw my glass at her

 

I don’t

I look down at the floor and squeeze my eyes closed

ginny reaches over and puts her hand on mine

I know how much you loved her timmy, I did too, she says

 

she did love her of course

 

she didn’t lie naked with her each night

feeling her die in her arms

she didn’t watch peep show all the way through with her

had to explain some of the sex jokes

she didn’t curate her fucking biscuits

 

she didn’t kiss her for days as she slipped away

 

timmy, are you ok, my darling, says ginny

I look at her, I am not ok

she moves around the table and slides onto my lap

her arms around my neck, her face buried deep into my neck

I hold her back, tight around her tiny waist

she smells of tobacco, vanilla

I can feel her tears run down past my collar bone

the woman behind the bar glances over, likely assuming that this is a lover’s quarrel,

ginny shouting at me then holding me

 

we squeeze each other until enough of this is out of us, she slides back off me

returns to her drink, eyes red, mouth quivering still

 

you’re going to call petula, timmy, do you understand, she says

I smile and nod weakly at the little ball of thunder across from me