My Dinosaur Era Chapter 8 *Rewrite*
By beanzie
- 81 reads
I push the key towards the lock
it slips to one side
the metal scratches the door slightly
I breathe in sharply
I try again, try to be slower
it slips again
it doesn’t fit, it won’t fit
it must fit
petula is behind me
I want to kick the door down
my heart is pumping in my neck
a bead of sweat tickles my chest
I feel it pool in my belly button
I take another breath
third attempt
the key slides in
I turn the lock
open the door
petula walks into the centre of the room
her eyes wide in wonder
wow, you’ve decorated since I was last here, right?
yeah, it needs another coat
looks good as it is, such a vibrant green
thanks
did you do it today? it seems really fresh
I did it after we spoke on the phone today, I’ve had the paint for two years, I thought it was about time
so you spoke to me on the phone and then you painted your flat, huh
I mean, I don’t know if it was so directly inspired by you
she laughs, a light laugh that bounces off the ceiling
we only stayed for two drinks in the pub
it was noisy, nowhere to sit down
we decided to watch the rest of jurassic park
in my newly painted front room
I asked her about music
she doesn’t know any hip hop
I don’t really like sound garden, so
there were bumps in the road
we bonded over pj harvey
petula, why are you here?
that’s a bit of a strange question
yes, I suppose it is
she takes the glass of wine I am holding out
takes a sip
looks at me with her great big eyes
ginny said you’re alone a lot and well, so am I, so I thought, he might understand
understand what?
that hanging out with tons of other people can be fucking nauseating, that being alone or just quiet, can be exhilarating
I’m not sure that being alone has ever felt exhilarating
ok, so when we left the gig the other night, got away from that crowd, were you not excited then? were you not excited by the freedom?
I was excited because you were with me
forget about me, have you not ever walked out of a crowded room, bar, whatever, knowing you were going to be alone and felt really fucking happy about it?
oh that feeling? hell yeah, all the time
well, apparently not everyone feels the same way
I drink some of my wine
we are still standing by the kitchen entrance
I feel awkward, hovering here
let’s sit down
petula falls into the sofa
shall I put some music on?
what about the film?
we can watch that later
are you sure you won’t fall asleep?
I can never be sure of that
pixies already on the turntable
everyone likes pixies
the drums of bone machine start up
petula looks over at me
I love pixies
everyone loves pixies
I join her on the sofa
she leans back deep into the cushions
I perch on the edge
not totally sure if I want to commit to the comfort
ginny told me about jane
oh
she said not to tell you, that you might be mad at her for saying
I’m not mad, what did she tell you?
petula sits forward, on the edge with me
that you loved her very much, that she died
is that all she said?
yes, that’s all
I nod slowly
and that you are still very sad about it
I suppose I am
it’s best that I tell you that I know about this, whatever ginny thinks, best that it is out in the open, do you think?
I do, yes, it usually upsets me when I hear her name but it didn’t this time
why do you think that is?
maybe because you surprised me
it’s ok to be sad and to miss her, tim
I nod again
we don’t have to talk about this now, or ever, I just wanted you to know that I know
I think I am less sad about it than I used to be, like, the other night, I wasn’t being avoidant, like ginny said, I was just a bit drunk and I fell asleep, not everything has a deeper meaning
what about the twenty minute bathroom break?
I guess that was a bit avoidant
she smiles, right at me
her face a breath away
I speak without realising
I like your face
I have a big weird face
yet still, I like it
I’m glad that you do
we listen to both sides of surfa rosa
we drink more wine
I drift back into the sofa
my torso leaning away from hers slightly
we settle into a silence
I break it
shall we watch the film now?
we can if you still want to
have you seen peep show?
of course I have, everyone’s seen peep show
I smile
why’s that funny?
jane had never seen it, I think she was the only person who hadn’t
ok, so not everyone has seen peep show then
we watched most of it together, you know, before she died
that’s a nice memory
sorry, I don’t know why I brought up peep show
because you wanted to remember jane and something nice you did together
I guess
it’s ok, you should do that
I do, in my head, just not to other people
what else did you like to do together?
we ate a lot of biscuits
biscuits are good
they are
we sit in silence for a while
the dog from next door yaps at a distant doorbell
petula speaks
it’s nice to just sit, isn’t it?
yeah, it is, though I’m always thinking of cool things to say and then playing them over in my mind, then thinking they are not cool things at all, so I end up not saying anything
yeah, we all do that, I’m doing it right now
what cool thing are you formulating in your head at the moment?
I was trying to recall a piece of pixies trivia to impress you with
why do you want to impress me?
I dunno, it’s what people do, isn’t it?
I guess
she holds out her hand
I take it
we are both slumped deep into the sofa now
looking straight ahead
focused on the dormant television on the wall
my fingers tingle
her thumb rubs against my hand
so slowly that I’m not totally sure that it’s even happening
the dog quietens itself
it’ll find a comfy spot beyond the wall
its eyes will close
it will dream of another time
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