You've perfected your lines..

Beeme this is just beautiful! 'closes itself up like a dead flower avoiding the detection of spectators eyes.' - these lines are brilliant and the ending is wonderful. Keep writing because you have talent you shouldn't waste! Magic xxx

I really like your re-edit Artisus - can't believe I didn't catch the lack of an apostrophe in 'spectator's'! I definitely think you should consider it Beeme. Just a little idea from me with the last two lines of Artisus's idea: 'I cry just a little as you send me roses with a desire to revive our love with another blossoming chance.' The repetition of 'with' jars me a bit so I would change it to: 'I cry just a little as you send me roses; a desire to revive our love with another blossoming chance.' But I say again this is a wonderful poem Beeme and well worth working on and then I reckon a cherry's on the horizon ;) Magic xxx

Beeme,you know I've always enjoyed your work. My opinion is lol in someway you have stepped up your poetic game since the war poems you made. It's like your a different person writing these pieces. Anyway never the less I enjoyed this one. "I feel it's dead: our love deep inside of me, like a piano being played in the dark, designed for teary eyes." "and my heartbeat just stops, closes itself up like a dead flower, avoiding the detection of spectators' eyes." They are brilliant verses and well written, I like how you ended them focusing on the results of eyes. Good work Pinda

This is lovely. I have to say I found Artisus' edit easier to read which gave the words more meaning. But the words are the same - the only difference is the stuff that can be learned, punctuation etc. The words themselves are your natural ability which you should nurture:) sarah x