Jan. 20, 06

Today, as I waited for my orange curry soup with green beans, mushroom, and squid, I had the choice of drinking my iced coffee in front of the buddha shrine or behind, where I had a view of the largest pond in the university. Uncertainly, I decided for the latter.
To my right, there's a gnarled tree with numerous roots coming down from branches and going into the earth far away from the trunk of the tree. While apparently the phenomenon is part of the tree's biology, it's supported here by logs that somebody inserted to fight the effects of gravity.
The next thing I noticed are the four-legged black bugs that swim in countless waters around the world; I know them as "water skippers." It occured to me that a water-skipper, ultimately created by the same forces as a man, has a relatively fixed role in life. He propels himself about the water and eats whatever he eats, probably tiny plant life. But then again, a food source might appear or disappear-a chemical might be introduced into the water. All life has its share of struggle- especially in this age of pollution.
The next thing I noticed was a white egret who, with those spindly graceful yellow legs, landed seemingly on top of the water. He had a substantial bluish-grey patch on his upper neck and head. He seemed healthy and even more than the water-skippers, he seemed an embodiment of natural tranquillity.
But how can I think him un-disturbed my the modern disease: the pollution, all the new metal creatures, the fields that explode in toxic fire, the miles and miles of earth populated only by concrete, iron, and hominids? He must be infected and yet he retains a seeming grace. Perhaps this is because he is not a potential perpetrator of this disease.
You see, these days I'm afflicted. I have a deep-discontent with our whole technological society and my place in it. I have a deep yearning for the spiritual... but I know that I am highly capable of phony spirituality and madness.
I have literally believed that I was a re-incarnation of both John Lennon and Brian Epstein. At I least I believed these two things at different times.
Nonetheless, as the wheel of my life turns, I seem to retain my belief that there is a "super-natural," perhaps to be found more in the natural world than elsewhere.