I Never Remember Killing Them

I never remember killing them

I always had these blinding headaches after I killed a man. I wish the
warning would come before rather than after sometimes. I usually wake
up with a horrid headache and don't know where I am but I always know
it happened again I always know. It used to be that long periods
between these murders gave me time to think and repent but anymore
there seemed to be no time I would just figure out what I had done and
then seems I have done it again. I adore men really so I can't figure
out why I kill them I just do. I can't think of any provocation really
I don't even remember doing it actually.

It was early in the morning around 5:30 several of the neighbors were
awakened by sirens and flashing lights many just rolled over in their
beds figuring it was another rape or mugging down by the riverbank. It
was a body lying partially in the water a male and his throat had been
cut and his eyes gouged out it was a gruesome sight and the frightening
thing about it was that this body was the fourth in about five weeks
now. The police were not going to keep it quiet for much longer.

I was sitting nearby in some tall weeds with my knees drawn to my chest
slowly rocking back and forth I felt a bit confused I did not realize
there was a body down there but I did know what ever was going on I had
something to do with it. That sick sweet smell of dried blood was set
deep into my nose my hands and feet were sticky with clotted blood it
was dried between my toes and felt crusty on my skin I began to wonder
if I had done it again. That loud buzz was in my ears again if often
became so loud I wished for madness to bring me relief it always
started quietly an annoyance and slowly grew louder and
deafening.

I did not even see the coroner come and take away this mans body I
missed the flash from dozens of cameras recording this horrific crime
scene. I knew what was happening every detail I always saw it later
when I made my way home and fell asleep. It always perplexed me why the
police never found me sitting nearby I was always there like I was
watching over my lover waiting for him to be discovered and safely
taken away. They never looked for me I would have been so easy to see.
Sometimes I just wish they would find me then all of this might
stop.

It was pretty quiet and deserted along the riverbank now a few stares
came my way. How could you not miss a woman ruffled clothing and
covered in blood? No one even asked if I were alright no one even
called the police reporting what they had seen knowing another body had
been found very near here. Why could they not stop me? I reached my
small travel trailer parked in a by the week rental lot about a half
mile from the river as I approached it started and I knew exactly what
I had done.

The water from the shower offers no comfort in fact the mixture of
water and blood often makes me vomit and that with the clotted blood on
my feet created horrifying pictures for me. It is often like living a
dream while awake. Each spot of blood each streak comes to life as I
recall it splattering on my skin I feel the warmth of it the pressure
of the spray of it and it arouses me. Often my bloodied hands find
their way to my filthy body and I masturbate my feelings are enhanced
by the circling of brown blood around the drain. All the guilt and all
of the fear is released and trickles down my legs gone, carried away
with the flush of the water. Sometimes I even hear his voice. That
disgusting taunting voice asking me to kill him. Cleaned of his body I
leave the shower exhausted and in need of sleep. That is the part I
don't like so much that is when I see what happened.

She was walking down the street in the darkened area of the docks she
did not seem to be afraid. She wasn't afraid when he whistled at her
and made some remark about her ass in fact she stopped in her tracks
faced him lurking in the dark with a big smile and a chuckle making
some comment about his inability to handle such treasures. This made
him step into what dim light there was. He was fairly handsome he did
not appear to be one of the street bums that slept on these very docks.
She stared into his eyes they were dark and full of teasing overtures
and he did not know he had met his match. Not yet anyway.

She was wearing a white gypsy skirt full and flowing and a peasant
blouse deeply cut in the neck also white, with tiny beaded turquoise
buttons down the front. She had brown hair and was sort of plump in
statute but attractive in an odd sort of way. When a man looked at her
he soon lost site of her slightly pudgy body and focused on her
pleasant features. She just came across as an ornery tenacious woman
that could be a lot of fun. He they weren't to far from wrong she did
seem to have fun.

This woman walked over to him asking him if he wanted to back up his
most pleasantly received overtures made toward her which seemed to
leave him feeling a little embarrassed and feeling awkward. Of course
he did not decline her suggestions. Within a minute or so he had his
hands full of white flowing gauze skirt and a very unusual woman. When
the belly rubbing and hip grinding began and the mingling of tongues
they both seemed to have a need to go someplace other than the docks.
She rubbed her hand across the obvious bulge in the front of his
walking shorts and suggested he follow her. He did, of course.

Some verbal exchange of tease and promises kept things warmed up until
they reached the place beneath the pier usually only a few transients
were found down there tonight they didn't see anyone else. He had his
hands under her skirt and cupped around her ass pulling her close to
him and began kissing on her neck. She did not seem to like this
gentleness he suddenly displayed. Grabbing firmly onto his cock by
reaching up the flared leg of his shorts it was easy to work around the
loose boxer shorts he wore.

She let a laugh escape into the cool air when he responded with a jolt
and a cry of pain at her less than tender touch. She dug her
fingernails deep into his scrotum and raked them along the tender skin.
He got angry and slapped her now she seemed to be more aroused than
before. Falling to the ground her chiding continued angering him
further. She chastised him pointing out that in her opinion he did not
know how to fuck a woman at all. She watched him as he slid his shorts
down over his hips taking his boxers with them. Her eyes settled on his
hard on and the nasty look in his eyes. When he got on his knees
pulling hard against her knees spreading them this caused her pain and
she responded with kicking and spitting and grabbing his hair and her
continuous laughter.

Her panties were easily ripped from her body and were carried out into
the swells of the water with the rolling waves barley reaching where
they were. Forcing his way between her parted legs he thrust himself
inside of her pounding away like a frenzied animal not seeming to
notice her continued slanders and chiding. He did not even seem to
notice she was not fighting but responding, well not at first anyway.
After a short time his ears were able to hear what she was saying both
daring and begging him to fuck her then he noticed her straining to
reach his thrusts timing them with her own. For a moment he thought
this bitch is crazy but it didn't matter he was lost in this now and so
was she.

Those fingernails raked along his back and hips enraging him more he
continued fucking her hard and viciously. This woman did not even
flinch when her skin was bitten and blood was drawn from her neck and
breasts in fact she responded more intently. This strange struggle
beneath the pier would seem like a brutal assault until looking closer
and then you would wonder if it were an assault at all or just two
people having some sort of sadistic sex.

After he had exhausted himself and collapsed in a heavy heap atop of
her battered body she began softly stroking him and thanking him for
making love to her. He seemed to tired to even be bewildered by this
occurrence. He did not even notice her taking the pocket- knife from
the pocket of his shorts. She felt his body relax and become
heavier.

Opening the knife and placing the blade on the side of his neck she
shoved the tip deeply into his tender skin when he raised his head
stunned by this sudden pain his eyes found hers and she looked into
them as she drug the blade across his neck to the front of his throat
cutting open half of his neck. His blood spurted onto her face and
hands and the top of her body still covered by his.

In only a few moments his eyes were closed and that deathly blue skin
was illuminated eerily in moonlight casting strange shadows through the
breaks in the slats of wood along the pier. She struggled and rolled
his now dead body off of hers and began to feel her head pounding so
hard that her eyes hurt. All she saw in her head now was his eyes those
dark eyes and they were belittling her coaxing her to untamable anger.
She used the knife and plunged them deep into his eyes forcing them
deeper in so she could not see them anymore.

She sat there a few minutes and stood up her shoes were gone as were
her panties. She began walking toward the road still carrying the
bloodied knife as she walked she heard him laughing at her telling her
she was ugly and no man would even fuck her for any reason other than
putting her in her place. She stopped in the tall grass near the road
with a view of the riverbank she sat there for a couple of hours
loosing the vision of what happened with each minute.

It was dawn she was startled by the sounds of sirens. She was sitting
holding her knees rocking slowly back and forth covered in blood. She
did not seem to know what had happened. Next thing you know I saw her
again in my mirror I told her what had happened she only asked me why,
why they did not stop her I could not give her the answer. This damned
buzzing in my ears is driving me mad. I was so tired I told her we
would talk later but now we had to sleep.

The End