WWIII

things were beginning to wear in the diplomatic field and I could
tell because of the amount of clanging she was making in the kitchen.
and when she'd made enough noise -
enough din that she felt had satisfyingly disturbed me, she came out
into the living room with her usual first liner:

WE GOTTA TALK!

and I put my book down and waited while she sat and mentally added up
the list of latest things that were annoying her and then I asked her
what the hell the problem was
and she said:

DO YOU KNOW HOW UNHYGIENIC IT IS WHEN YOU USE THE
WOODEN
CHOPPING BOARD
INSTEAD OF THE PLASTIC
CHOPPING BOARD
FOR CUTTING UP AN ONION?

and before I could answer I began to think of anything else that may
have been seriously annoying her, and I could only think of one thing -
which was being in between jobs and living off what savings I had at
the time - I couldn't think of anything else:

ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE PISSED OFF BECAUSE I DIDN'T USE A
PLASTIC CHOPPING BOARD
TO CUT UP AN ONION?

YES! YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME!
WHY CAN'T YOU USE THE PLASTIC
CHOPPING BOARD?
THAT'S WHAT IT'S THERE FOR!

WHAT THE HELL DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE USING A
WOODEN OR PLASTIC
CHOPPING BOARD?
HAS IT MADE US SICK?
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING ELSE ANNOYING YOU,
IT CAN'T BE JUST THAT?

and she sat there to think of anything else but there wasn't anything
else and neither of us could agree on who was right or who was
wrong
and in the end it was the wooden
chopping board
that was punished

she
threw it out...

and not long after that I began to wonder how soon they'll develop
artificial intelligence
to the point where the man's ideal woman can finally be realised.

with a bank loan
I'll be the 1st in line.