The Holiday

I realised it was something serious the moment Doctor Felstead
leaned back in his chair and gazed out of the window. He always had a
little peep when he was considering &;#8230; and he considered a
lot. But then I suppose being a doctor he would often be called upon to
consider. Mind you, Mrs Snoad always said he was only ogling the pretty
young girls passing by but I knew different. I said to her once, why is
it I said, after he's finished his considering out of the window that
he always gives me a prescription? She couldn't answer that because she
knew I was right.
He then gingerly pulled the curtain back a little further but was
distracted by my sudden surge of sneezing. Not that I wanted to sneeze.
Well you don't do you but I couldn't help myself. I'd tried desperately
to contain it but &;#8230; well nature always wins doesn't it? His
immediate attention diverted, he began to gently stroke his chin as he
assumed his ponderous look. He always did that when he was on the verge
of prescribing.
His mouth opened and I watched his tongue hover from side to side as
it wetted his lips. It reminded me of when I once saw a toads tongue
hover in one of those television documentaries before catching a fly.
Not that he had any intention of catching a fly. He then firmly closed
his mouth as to assure me his diagnosis demanded additional
consideration. That's what I admire about Doctor Felstead &;#8230;
he always thinks properly about what to say. Not like today's doctors.
Far too quick. They don't give themselves time to consider properly.
Eventually he leaned forward with his hands clasped together. I knew
instantly he was about to tell me his considerations.
I remembered when Doctor Felstead joined the surgery. Fresh out of
university he was. And so young. So dashing. Even today he was still
capable of sending a quiver down my &;#8230; not that I ever told
him. Nor would I. Well it wouldn't be right.
The receptionist had asked for donations towards his retirement
present. A just reward I told her for his many devoted years of service
to the community. I gave them a nice new fifty pence piece. He'd like
that. And then I suggested they didn't buy him a clock, as I was quite
certain that after forty years of married life he and Mrs Felstead
would already possess one.
"I think Mrs Maddison, what you really need is a holiday."
"And my leg?" I asked him.
Doctor Felstead leaned even further forward and softly patted my knee.
"May I suggest that, unless it's detachable, you take it with
you."
* * * * *
"I think I'll have another piece of that chocolate cake," said
Albert.
"He gave me a prescription for your &;#8230; your whatsits," I
said, and cut him off a large portion. Albert never did care for them
small slices. 'Namby-pamby' he always said. Mind you, I could
understand what he meant because if he had a small piece then I always
finished up cutting him extra. There again I always cut him extra no
matter what size slice he had. But he always did appreciate a large
portion so that's what I cut him.
"Anyhow," I said, "I phoned Mrs Hadley and she said ---"
"Who's Mrs Hadley?" he said.
I couldn't believe my ears. "We had our &;#8230; you know, at Mrs
Hadley's bed and breakfast place. Remember?"
Fortunately he remembered but then said Mrs Hadley was probably dead
as she was getting on a bit and that we was there sixty-four years ago.
I soon put him straight though when I said, how could she be dead if
I've just spoken to her on the phone? I then told him I'd arranged for
us to have a little holiday there &;#8230; doctor's orders! I wasn't
certain if he understood because he just carried on munching his
chocolate cake.
The coach stopped on the way down at one of them motorway service
stations. The driver said we had half an hour but I said that wasn't
long enough because we had a coach-load of folk. He said he had a
schedule to keep but I soon put him right when I told him that wasn't
our problem.
Besides, it took Albert the best part of twenty minutes just to get
inside the building.
Me and Albert, we had a cup of tea and a cheese and tomato sandwich
each and the change we got from ?10 &;#8230; well it was hardly
worth having. And I had no idea where to put the teabag afterwards! I
complained to the cashier but she said it was nothing to do with her
and continued chewing her gum.
Finally we climbed back onto the coach and was greeted by an impatient
looking driver. I said to him, it was all right for you because you
have yours in a special room and you don't have to pay. And there's
only one of you I said and fifty-six of us. It was obvious I was right
because he never said a word.
When we reached the coach station the driver got out all the suitcases
and then held out his hand for a tip. I told him if he were more polite
I would've given him something. Somebody else told him to back Dancing
Cavalier in the 2.30 at Goodwood.
The taxi-driver was just as bad. He kept complaining about our cases
being too heavy but, as I told him, you have to bring a lot of clothes
because you can never tell what the weather will be like. Mind you, he
did carry them in for us when we arrived at Mrs Hadley's so when he
said the fare was ?4.90 I give him ?5 and told him to keep the change.
Well I do like to show my appreciation.
When we arrived Mrs Hadley made us a lovely cup of tea and gave us a
fruit scone with real butter and jam to go with it. Home-made she said
it was. Albert wanted to take two but I soon put paid to any ideas he
had on that score. Well it's not proper to abuse one's kindness. Albert
was right about Mrs Hadley though. Not that I said anything to him. I
wouldn't want him to think he's a know-all. It turned out that the
current Mrs Hadley is married to Mr Hadley and it was Mr Hadley's
grandmother who was Mrs Hadley. The proper Mrs Hadley that is
&;#8230; the one who looked after us when we was on our &;#8230;
all those years ago.
Mrs Hadley, the current one that is, very kindly gave us the same room
as we had before. I was quite surprised she knew which one it was but I
expect they keep records of these things. The room was just as I
remembered it with pretty wallpaper with roses on it and a matching
vase type pot. Albert said it was there if we needed it during the
night. I said that's what he said when we was here before. He said that
proved he was right. I soon put him right when I said it only proved he
was just as daft then as he is now.
Albert then decided he was going to have a sleep for the afternoon. He
said it was the coach journey. I said it was a good job the coach
driver didn't doze off otherwise there'd be no telling what would
happen. He said that was different because he had a job to do. Anyhow,
it gave me the excuse to wander down to the shops with one or two other
ladies and we bought a few knick-knacks. Albert said it was a waste of
money but I said it couldn't have been as I enjoyed myself. Besides, he
shouldn't have spent the afternoon sleeping. It was strange I thought,
how he managed to wake up just before the evening meal was ready.
We arrived at the meal table and I couldn't help but notice that
nearly all the other guests had a good selection of tablets before
them. Between them I calculated that they had a better selection than
Boots did. It was then I remembered that me and Albert hadn't bought
ours down. In fact we hadn't had them at all. Not since Doctor Felstead
had prescribed them. I put the forgetfulness down to the excitement of
having a holiday. I knew where they were &;#8230; in my little
medicine box that I'd put in the bathroom. I could hardly ask Albert to
fetch them; it had taken him an eternity just to come down the
stairs.
By the time I returned he was tucking into his steak and kidney
pudding and there was nothing on this earth that would enable a mere
tablet to gain precedence. I took mine as Doctor Felstead said I should
have one before meals. As Albert only had to have his as when required
I put it into my handbag for later. The steak and kidney pudding was
delicious and so was the apple pie and custard we had to follow. Of
course Albert showed his thanks in the only ways he knows. First of all
he burped loudly - there was a posh couple who looked at him rather
strangely - but as Albert always said, what's wrong with an
appreciative burp? He then asked if there was any seconds and if there
was could he have a large portion? Again the posh pair looked at him
oddly but Mrs Hadley obviously sided with him as she delivered his
request with a broad smile.
I then noticed that Mr Hadley helped Mrs Hadley serve the meals. He
also helped her take the dirty dishes back to the kitchen. I thought
how nice it would be if my Albert was to help me like that. Not that
I'd mention it to him; well he'd only say it was poofy. I suppose in
his way he's right. It would be nice though.
Afterwards somebody suggested we all went down to the Royal Oak for a
drink but me and Albert we decided to stay in with Mrs Hadley
&;#8230; and Mr Hadley: and watch telly and have a cup of tea and
some biscuits. Albert likes a Saturday night with some biscuits and a
cuppa. Says it helps prevent him having nightmares. Mrs Hadley asked
him if he would like some cheese with his biscuits. I thought he
would've said no, considering the nightmares and everything but he
thanked her very much and asked me for his tablet. Said as he had to
have it as and when this seemed an appropriate enough time.
It wasn't too long afterwards when they returned from the Royal Oak. I
was both pleased and surprised to note that they were all sober. Mind
you I thought, give them the week guzzling down all that alcohol and
there'd be no telling what they'd be up to. I decided on the spot that
Albert wasn't going anywhere near the Royal Oak. Or any other pub for
that matter. Mind you, in fairness Albert wasn't really one of them
drinking sorts. He was more interested in his food. That and he was too
idle to wander down the pub. There again, if he ever had the notion to
ask them to deliver &;#8230;
Albert then said he was off to bed. I said I'd join him shortly as I
was reminiscing with Mrs Hadley. Albert said how could I reminisce with
Mrs Hadley as she wasn't the proper Mrs Hadley. I said I knew she
wasn't the first Mrs Hadley but her husband was Mr Hadley and he was
Mrs Hadley's grandson. Besides, they had a photograph book.
After a while I said I'd finish looking at the photographs in the
morning and decided to call it a night. Mrs Hadley said she was pleased
I enjoyed the photographs and I could continue looking at them after
breakfast. I thanked her and, feeling rather tired climbed the stairs
to our room.
When I entered &;#8230; well! There was Albert sprawled out on the
bed and wearing nothing but a broad grin. And as for his &;#8230;
well, you know &;#8230; it was &;#8230;Well I was so shocked I
was speechless. And then I noticed on the dressing table. I'd no idea
what Doctor Felstead was considering but in the morning I'd most
certainly be on the phone for his reconsidering. And I wanted my nice
new fifty pence piece back! Then I remembered what Mrs Snoad always
said. But he'd still have to explain why he'd prescribed Albert that
Viagra