Lost

Recapture clearly
Inside my mind,
That crisp spring morning,
So much alive,
Soft blossoms bursting
With energy of life,
Sparrows snatching worms
From cold, damp earth
Filling bellies of little ones
Back home.
Radiant sun high in sky,
Life beautifully enriched
Smile at all who pass by.

Time stood still.
His mouth was moving
I simply couldn’t fathom the words.
Clammy hands that clenched mine,
Limp
I just cried.
Tears absent of screams,
Inside me
Hysterical,
Roaring,
Trapped.
Desire to escape.
I need to close my legs
Badly,
But he’s still talking,
Surely of matter’s
That don't concern me?

Spread my skinny legs
As I drown,
Deep in drugged sleep,
Wide and wider still
Forcing
It
Into
Flesh ……………….
Peer into the depth of me
Whilst my legs hang
In metal prisons,
Take from me
To dispose,
Scrape, scrape, swab…………
Close.
Where?
I will never dare to know.

Linen sheets stained
Cruelly wedged between legs
With aftermath crimson blood.
Inside all is raw
Hurt so much,
Not of this shameful, useless body,
But deep down where the soul hides.
Violation
Bleak days ahead,
Dreams, wishes and hopes
Now lie dead.
Nightmares rushing in
Gleefully twisting in sleep
Tread heavily on guilt,
Desperate to recall
I just can’t remember
Committing the fucking sin at all.

If I don’t rise
Will life pass me by?
If I continue to cry
Will God make it right?
Turn my face
Give the other cheek……slap me harder
Hit me deep.
If I promise to pray
Become milder, be meeker,
I’ll do it gladly without pride,
But, please, please, don’t do this.
I’m just too weak
To simply exist
In barren whispered shadows
Incubating in dark recesses of the
Pained mind.

Grant me a wish
To seal with hopeful kiss,
Give me back
That tiny little thing
It means everything to me
My precious little being.