Spent in Minutes

Minutes and hours I spent, deciding what was to be said. I couldn't
decide what I should do because somehow I just never knew. I suffered
red cheeks the minute I saw a door or a window of your time. It was
those times I imagined moments of me and you. I built up a picture of
our front door, mixed up with my hypotheses and dreamt destiny. I'd be
reflecting visions of our past, present and future, from your eyes.
Your eyes which were like a cleansed dish where the residue of what I
had was cleared and sparkling. This picture was as clear as the ones on
my wall, except I would do all your chores and any bores would no
longer be yours!
Right, I still had no idea what to say. Days were spent screwing up
thoughts in my mind, each one falling short of my bin, maybe if there
was some way I could of used what might of been. What might have been?
This was how I saw us, derelict but possibly the headquarters of
something.. just something. You admit to complete strangers on a daily
basis that you're screwed up, like each ball of paper where I could
hardly begin. Why haven't my signals been seen or even taken in.
There's no point being scared of me. I am lovely. Maybe it's because
you think I live everyday in fear. I only dread the essence I once
loved like passion, desire and mirrors where myself could be admired,
then contained within. I couldn't stand the thoughts of what might have
been.

By now I could just about see everything being projected like a party
in my mind. Part of the problems were merely fractured fantasy, like a
disco ball which broke at some big party that might never of been. But
at this assemblage we were together, playing cameos of one another
whilst our imagined effects took this show to the big screen. Y'know
the screen in that multiplex cinema, in the vagrant building where
these things might have been. Our movie title was day
dreaming&;#8230; What were we thinking?

Weeks passed and every time I saw you all I did was cheekily grin.
Thinking back to the silly things we did and what drunkenly might have
been. I tried to hide the smile in case you did the same and a dimple
appeared in your skin. How could anyone with this much desire that
syllables deconstruct into silent resonance, resist such a subtle touch
of beauty? Even the things that put people off, all that you embody.
Not even I know what things these distant pictures show. Because I keep
remembering there is no history between these people I call we. Maybe I
should do just a little something because I can't go on living in
silence, merely thinking in terms of what I believe.

Days I spent following and listening, still looking for a way to break
into your life. It's as if someone's broken out of a place, a place
where nobody could break in. You had no guards. You had no-one
chaperoning. You had everything you needed except me. So I took three
deep breaths and wiped my specs and chin. I was now ready. Hours spent
planning came down to this. This moment where I no longer needed to
picture this thing called 'we'.

Then there I was. Sat with my hands cuffed. I had always dreamt what it
would be like to be trapped like this, with the windows steamed and the
sound of sweat dripping. The rain leaked through a slip in the driver's
window and the whole time I questioned, what was it they decided I
ought not to do? There must be some law against true love, some twisted
ruler who decided to suppress feelings because he fell from the wings
of a dove, or some such thing. All I was doing was taking hold of my
destiny, walking up and holding the only women just perfect for
me.

As I clung to your slippery, rain soaked skin, there was only one thing
glowing deep within. My heart, it was warm - maybe hot enough to light
the universe. The brightness of the light deceived my vision both out
and in. I could only see shades and tones as I was hauled in. They
forced me into this car and spoke some garb about my wrongs and rights.
The only thing unjust was the second they ceased my lust, the very same
moment what I had wanted to say became distinct. The only thing you
heard was a set of screams.

It's all just a distant memory, even though it was only today. But they
say I must pay. I offered to sell my heart to you because I no longer
had a need for it. I'm locked inside a cell, which needs no security,
this was more than enough for me. Instead, they offered me time or a
fine, but I was anything but the latter and the former me was
incomplete.

This tale is for you, the one I loved, the one who took words from my
mind and detected me, but misunderstood. We could of built a whole new
world and made our film. We could have had parties and broken mirrors,
you believe luck is such a frivolous thing. It was merely because you
were a star and not those I saw in your eyes, which separated the we
from you and me. Now my love, I must murder thee, snuff out one side to
let the other free.

I close my eyes and passion still fills the room but all I envisage is
a sky of turkish delight, splashed with your cherry red. It's sweet
smelling aroma's flood my senses and I'm confused whether to believe
any of this. For just one minute the world existed inside of me,
everything was you and me - the way it should now be. But it's not now
that you're in this diary. It's just "not now!"