Holding back the years

Holding Back the Years.
"&;#8230;..Welcome to Radio Brenton on this chilly morning,
Saturday 15th January fifteen whole days into the Millennium
and&;#8230;.."
"Damn!"
"Mummy! You shouldn't swear! Miss Chivers says it's naughty."
Lisa looked down apologetically into the solemn sherry-coloured eyes
of her seven-year old.
"Sorry Moppet! It just slipped out."
"Miss Chivers says that people who swear have a poor
vocum..vocad&;#8230;voc&;#8230;."
"Vocabulary?" suggested Lisa. Amy nodded and Lisa smiled to herself,
happy to know that Miss Chivers was doing her best to ensure that the
children in her class behaved themselves. Now that Lisa had to go out
to work for a living she was acutely aware that her daughter needed a
good female role model&;#8230;..
"Did you know that ten years ago today your Daddy and I were married?"
asked Lisa. "And the sun was shining brightly." Amy stared out of the
kitchen window of their fifth floor flat at the heavy grey sky and
looked at her mother doubtfully.
"So - today's your wedding anniversary?" She looked thoughtful. "Miss
Chivers said it was her parent's wedding anniversary yesterday and that
she was taking them to Angelo's for a posh meal."
"Well - I can't afford a posh meal, darling. But when Daddy gets home
tonight I'm going to have a little surprise waiting for him!" Amy's
face lit up.
"What sort of a surprise?" she squealed excitedly. "I want to surprise
him too!"
"Well - I haven't decided yet, darling but I'll think of something."
Lisa's mind was racing. It was almost midday now and Jamie would return
from work at five o'clock. What could she arrange at such short notice,
she wondered? A meal, the theatre - even the cinema would all cost too
much&;#8230;.But she had to do something. She and Jamie seemed to
have drifted apart lately and she so needed to show him that she still
loved him - especially after all they had been through.
Suddenly her face lit up. Yes! She knew what she would do!
Quietly, and with as much tact as she could muster, she explained to
Amy why she would have to spend tonight at her Grandma's
house&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;

Jamie was frowning as he stacked the pallets in the warehouse. Lisa
had forgotten that today was their anniversary, he was sure of it.
True, she had been fast asleep when he had left for work at six o'clock
that morning - but there had been no sign of the usual card that she
had always left at the side of his bed the night before.
Well - it only reinforced what he already knew. The romance was over.
They had fallen out of love. He had known it for a long time now - ever
since she had insisted on going back to work full time.
"I want to save up for a deposit on our own house, Jamie," she had
protested when he had opposed her decision. "With you having been
unemployed for a year&;#8230;.."
"That's right! Blame me! Why don't you come out and say it? I'm just a
lousy provider! That's what you think, isn't it?"
She struggled to hold back the tears.
"No, Jamie - it's not what I think at all. In
fact&;#8230;&;#8230;" But he had stormed out in fury before she
had finished the sentence.
And now, with the hours they both worked, their time off rarely
coincided - and Jamie was lonely. If it hadn't been for the baby he
knew that he would have left home ages ago. But now Amy was seven - old
enough to understand. It would hurt her, of course, but children were
resilient and he knew that she would soon settle down to a new
routine.
He had his little leaving speech all prepared in fact. He would tell
Lisa first and when she had calmed down he would explain it all to Amy
- stressing, of course how much he love her - which was true. The idea
of leaving his beautiful daughter actually made his heart turn to ice -
but it was the only way to protect her from the constant rows that took
place when he and Lisa were together.
It was a pity that it had to be done tonight on their tenth
anniversary, but if Lisa had forgotten that it was a special day, then
what the heck?

"We're going out and you'll need this!"
When Jamie opened the door he found himself face to face with Lisa,
who was holding out his warmest fleece jacket. His heart sank as he
realised she hadn't forgotten their anniversary at all. Nevertheless he
had to tell her some time that he was leaving her - and it might as
well be now.
"Look&;#8230;.Lisa&;#8230;..there's
something&;#8230;&;#8230;" he began.
"Hush, Jamie. Say nothing at all - just follow me!" Lisa was wearing a
coat that he vaguely recognised had been hanging in the wardrobe for
years. Clearly, whatever she had in mind didn't warrant dressing up
for.
"Where are we going?" he demanded as he hurried down the stairs in her
wake. "I wanted to talk to you tonight Lisa - so I hope this won't take
long."
She shook her head.
"Not long at all."
As he followed her through the maze of streets that comprised the run
down estate where they lived he was aware that the drizzle had turned
to sleet, and he turned up the collar of his fleece. She must be mad,
he thought, to want to go walking in such vile weather. He opened his
mouth to say as much when she hushed him and stopped abruptly.
"Here we are!" she exclaimed triumphantly. "This is our first port of
call in tonight's schedule!"
Jamie looked around in disbelief.
"Why are we standing here freezing in front of Brenton Comprehensive
School?" he demanded. Lisa smiled and moved to the gate.
"This, darling," she explained, indicating the iron railings, "is the
place where we first met. Nearly fifteen years ago now, it was!" Jamie
shrugged but Lisa continued, "Close your eyes, Jamie and remember how
you felt."
"For God's sake Lisa - it's freezing&;#8230;."
"Just do it. Please."
Jamie sighed and closed his eyes. If it would shut her up and they
could get back to the warm flat then he would have to humour her he
supposed. He closed his eyes.
"Concentrate!" she ordered. He concentrated and - amazingly there she
was, dressed in her maroon and silver uniform and smiling at him. In
spite of himself he felt the first stirrings of attraction that he had
felt then all those years ago.
"Right! Come on!" She grabbed his hand and dragged him through the
gates to the caretaker's hut. And she was giggling like a teenager as
she pulled him behind it. "This," she reminded him, "is the exact spot
where you kissed me for the first time. Now - do it again - the way you
did then."
"You're mad, Lisa - do you know that?"
But Lisa didn't bother to reply as she pulled his head down towards
hers and kissed him passionately on the lips. Jamie closed his eyes and
remembered.
"It wasn't quite like that," he muttered, slipping his hands around
her waist and raising her slightly. "It was much more like
this&;#8230;.."
This time the kiss was at first hesitant, then shy - and finally
tender. And when at last he pulled away he felt just as nervous and
embarrassed as he had all that time ago.
Tucking her hand into his pocket for warmth Lisa pulled him out of the
gates and back into the street.
"Where to now?" A note of exasperation had crept into his voice but
Lisa was undeterred.
"Not far," she said.
A few moments later they were in the park.
"This, if you remember, was where we used to come after school - rain,
hail, snow or shine! But&;#8230;.do you remember&;#8230;..this?"
She had stopped at one of the trees and was peering at its gnarled old
trunk. Suddenly she jabbed at something with the tip of her finger.
Jamie moved closer and when he saw what it was, his memory of that
particular day came flooding back to him. He nodded slowly.
"I remember," he said quietly. "I asked you to marry me and you said
'yes.'"
"Right! And then you carved this with your penknife to mark the grand
occasion."
And there it was - a little less sharp around the edges but
unmistakable.
"JP 4 LB"
A lump came into Jamie's throat. He had really meant that when he had
carved it - so what had gone wrong? How could all that love have
disappeared from his heart when it was still carved right there in the
wood?
They were moving again.
This time he sensed where they were going so he wasn't at all
surprised when they stopped outside the little church where they had
married. Lisa pushed the door and it opened. Silently they walked to
the altar where they stopped at looked into each other's eyes.
"This is where I promised to love and honour you,
darling&;#8230;.and now I want to promise it again." She swallowed
hard as emotion constricted her throat. Finally she managed,
"I take thee, Jamie Samuel, to be my lawful wedded husband. To have
and to hold from this day&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;"
The rest of the sentence was muffled as Jamie gathered her to his
chest and held her there for a very long time. When at last she raised
her head she saw that his cheeks were as wet as hers.
"I loved you then, Jamie - and I still do. I know that I haven't been
the best wife in the world but I'm going to try
harder&;#8230;"
And as Jamie looked down into the sherry-coloured eyes that were
bright with tears he knew exactly where all the love in his heart was.
It was still there where it had always been. The edges had just been a
bit less sharp recently.
"Hush," he whispered. "I love you too Lisa. With all my heart."
Suddenly a great weight seemed to disappear from his shoulders and he
knew that he truly meant those words. And then they were both laughing
and crying at the same time, and hugging each other tightly.
"Happy anniversary, darling," he whispered huskily. "You've given me
the best gift I could ever have wanted."
And still with his arm around her shoulder they walked down that same
aisle that they had walked down ten years before. And their hearts were
every bit as full of love for each other.
Jamie knew that much later he would have to ring Melanie Chivers and
break off their relationship. She would be hurt - but not as hurt as he
would have been when he would have eventually come to his senses and
realised how dearly he still loved his wife.
END

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