the night train out - or - do i really want to leave?

sitting in a seedy railway cafe,
a tacky red flashing neon sign hangs,
drawing people in from a grey world,
at this moment its only purpose,
is to draw my mind from its track,
back to my bitter coffee and thoughts,
i can only sweeten one of the two with sugar,

i have no real reason to depart this place,
yet i have no real reason to stay,
my hopes rest on finding somewhere to hold me,
love, employment, even decent sleep eludes here,
draining my coffee over well stained teeth,
i order another, from a waitress of odd shape,
she seems to desire this place less than me,

the door sings in pain as it swings out into the night,
at first, it seems the only visitor is the dark cold,
then a tall figure enters, muzzling the night,
as the door swings shut, a woman,
my interest remains on my coffee,
but hers is on me, sitting opposite she smiles,
i see the sadness behind a younger than old fisage,

she tells me her name and i quickly forget,
i finish my hot coffee too quick, it burns,
standing to leave i see her look away,
feeling knotting guilt i shout, 2 more coffees,
her attention swings back to me with mild suprise,
we chat and she tells me of misfortune and pain,
is she stealing my misery or adding to it,

we leave and walk to her flat,
my train is in an hour i can make it back,
her flat is mildly worse than the cafe,
scorched walls untendered paint,
my senses are stung by sweet perfume,
lingering from her last journey out,
she leads me to her bed and i feel uplifted,

do two negatives make a positive,
i dont know if its love or misery we make,
salt on her skin and her perfumed neck,
bleach the memory of the coffee from my mouth,
the coldness of her warmth is delectable,
writhing in each others arms is merely a purpose,
better than the cafe i thought,

its over and we lay in eerie silence,
i know she is looking at the ceiling,
still she sees me, at her side,
she looks older now, more jaded,
i reach out to her but she stifles my effort,
then turns to the wall to sob,
the new gap between us i fill,

expect your leaving now she mumbles,
would you want me to stay i ask,
no, you would only get in the way,
i dress quickly to leave,
40 bucks for that she murmurs,
my train ticket gone on a hooker,
this damned place wont let me leave.