5. The Bite

By chant

Tue, 09 Dec 2014

898 reads

4 comments

You are masquerading as a
normal person in Finsbury Park.
Nearby, deer-like, BMXers group,
debate their mate’s stag do.
A ginger-topped junkie jogs up
seeking a spark for his joint
& now they’re proposing
getting wrecked this weekend.
It’s like putting the needle down
into the groove on a record
knowing exactly which track will
play. You want to sink your teeth
into their jugulars, just to
make them different. Glance
shifting to an early hyacinth,
the flowers are withered on the stem.

@ianjmclachlan

Certificate PG

Poem

A London Vampire

Comments

I liked the desire to change

Permalink Submitted by Bee on Tue, 2014-12-09 10:49

I liked the understandable desire to change them - knowing how possible it would be. Again, neatly made.

Bee

I like the idea of

Permalink Submitted by Philip Sidney on Tue, 2014-12-09 11:45

I like the idea of masquerading as a normal person, the vampire as a metaphor for feeling out of kilter, not wanting to hurt but to change. A really thought-provoking piece.

perhaps "You blend,

Permalink Submitted by bosch on Sat, 2014-12-13 15:33

perhaps "You blend, masquerade as a"

perhaps "play. You want to sink your teeth

into that girl's jugular, just to

make her different." ....

the specific "girl" focuses the lines, the part for the whole

last line perhaps cut "are"

the needle rides in the groove never touching the record.

ABC's formatting has thrown my remarks out double-spaced, not intended. happened to several of my own poems on site.

strong poem

thanks very much for the

Permalink Submitted by chant on Fri, 2015-01-02 19:59

thanks very much for the excellent suggestions Swep, at some point when i'm far enough away from them i'm going to go back over all these poems, you've given me some great pointers on what to do with this one.