That Crush

That crush,
that follows me like a lame dog through life.
the blushes,
the insomnia.
never being able to talk in your presence.
loving your faults
seeing them as positive things.
your insults seem like praise to me
glittering jewels in my sad existence.
showing me that you do know I exist
that you have noticed me.
hate is better that indifference
it is very close to love.
if I asked you,
if I told you that I dream of you every night.
that you exist in every fantasy,
in every thought
would you run?
probably.
fast and far.
if I saw you now would I still feel the same
or would you seem like some sad old has been?
are you successful
or did you succumb to your destiny
as a loser
the destiny all my friends told me you had.
in my fantasies I see you as a star,
I see you doing the things others only talk about.
you're probably living with mummy
or sleeping rough.
fool.
if I saw you would I blush?
would I feel the same?
probably.