the last night...

I stare into the eyes of my beloved, foggy coloured cat Nathaniel. We seem to fall under each others spell. Its been a rough few days, well...weeks...months...years... I laugh, and Nathaniel purrs at me, he gently climbs my chest and rubs at my stubbled chin with his soft velvety furred head. He mounts me, paws either
side of my collar bone, his back legs folded up atop my softened belly.

Face to face with Nathaniel. His eyes are deep black, rich as guiness. A flash of
orange and yellow in the slits of his iris.
I can smell his dainty breath, and almost feel his whiskers against mine.

I smile broadly at this furry fellow, and I run my hand down his spine, just how
he likes it. His eyes narrow, in his silent kiss towards me, his back arcs in
ripples and waves, following my stroke.

“I'm not gay you know...” Nathaniel said boldly.

My eyes enlarge in shock. Laughter falls out of my mouth. I look round, and
can only smell Nathaniel's breath on my face. He purrs and almost winks at
me, rubbing his face against mine and climbing off me, onto the sofa. Tail in
the air like a dodgem.
I sit there, shocked to my seat...did? Nathaniel? Cat-talking? What?
I wasn't pissed nor stoned, not been at the green fairy for a while – but what
did I fucking well hear just then?
I don't even own a poxy radio?! I huff under my breath -”what the fuck...”
Nathaniel turns round towards me, stretching himself out laconically – a fuzzy
felt feline laid out like a sine wave across the sofa, paws extended out, claws
popping in and out from nowhere like silks from a magician's hands.
“no need to swear old bean...i was merely stipulating one was not of the homosexual variety 'tis all...how the devil are you?”

I laugh. It was all I could do that would save my head from exploding. I humoured the cat...well, humoured this hallucination I was experiencing.
“Erm..ok Nate...thanks for telling me...”
“Please dear boy, call me the name you gave me fully if you please – good choice by the way...i like it...but don't dishonour it by foreshortening...i've barely gotten over the loss of my bollocks...don't cut me short on my name
too...”

“It was for your own good...Nathaniel.”
Nathaniel had now taken to clean himself, around the testicular area too. He
looked up from his doings at me, and almost sighed. “I know dear boy, one
really was a randy little fucker I must admit...your slippers took a pummelling,
as did the rolling pin..”

I suddenly had a flashback to rolling out pastry two weeks ago and deciding
in my stoned state to not wash it. Now I wish I did – cat-cum scented steak
pie hmmmm..yummy...
Nathaniel lazily sloped off to the floor – like liquid fur, and sat at my feet. He
spoke “So, I bet you're wondering...why all the talking after all these years.
eh...”

I nodded.

“Well, I have bad news, well mainly for me...you see old bean, I am dying.
There, i've said it. Please..no tears for me, you've looked after me well. I've
had a fine innings.”
“What? You're dying? How do you know? We were at the vets only...”
“Yes, yes...i know, but vets only know how to cut off my knackers and jab me
with occasional needles for over inflated prices...frankly if I were you, you
were me – you my dear fellow would have been dead years ago...”

“you bastard...sorry...i didnt..”

I had never heard a cat laugh before. His little red lips curled up, and his ears
flattened, and a hissy but fruity little chuckle trickled out of his mouth. He
looked so cute. The Bastard!
He continued - “ah my lovely, lovely sir...” he snaked between my legs before
hoping up onto my lap again, climbing my belly again til we were face to face
once more.

“no...i sense I am dying, cat rules dictate if I so wish, to speak on my last day
on this earth alive...not many do..so quite frankly sir, you should be honoured
by this...” He kinda winked, his long steely elegant whiskers brushed against my
stubble.

“You should grow a beard sir, would suit you – and hide those ever increasing
jowls of yours...” He gently pawed at my admittedly jowly face. I blew into his,
knowing he always hated it.

“Sir...kindly desist! You know how abhorrent that is to me...you humans have rank breath. I'd hate to think what it'd smell like if you like ones own genitals –let alone another's...”

I laughed, making him judder in time to my belly heaving. I spoke - “So then,
am I off my tits? Hallucinating or something? Have I had a fit or what?”
“No dear sir, this is all completely real. But I am dying. I am...leaving you
unfortunately. I wish I wasn't truly. You have been a kind and loving master to
me. Well, I say master in inverted commas – after all – you just were here to
look after me weren't you. I didn't really obey you as such – its not in my
exquisite feline nature.”

“you got that right you little...rascal...” I felt a tear escape my eye just then...my little Nathaniel – he was going to die? And tonight?

Nathaniel nodded and soaked up that tear with his head. And he looked me straight in the eyes just then, and if I didn't know better, a small moist cat tear
was streaking down his face too.
“I do love you...master...” And right there and then, I broke down, my arms
around him the best I could, his face against mine – tears from him and me
entwining...i was going to lose my furry little fucker of a friend.
Through my instant grief I whispered “And I love you too Nathaniel – very
much...very much...”
His moistened noggin reared up then, and in reply he uttered “you bender...”
then did that mad little cat-chuckle again...
We sat there in silence, his paws around my neck like a clawed scarf, his
breathing in time with mine..just for a few minutes in silence. He climbed off
then, and launched himself at invisible nothings.
I asked “why the fuck do all cats do that anyway?”
“Ah...cat-secret number 1 sir...that was a fellow ghost-cat visiting!

They often do..you see, even when we die, we don't really, if ever we bond with our owners, they'll often feel us – in a brief wind, a sudden tickle from nowhere..its just our way of visiting you in our soft, gentle, spectral way...IF we
like you that is...”

He jumped again at a nothing..well, a ghost-cat. “That was Reginald from the
18th century...died under a horse's hoof...good fellow, bit flat around the
head...”
“So then Nathaniel...what can I do for you? Shall we make arrangements?”
“On my last fucking day?! No sir...nay, nay and thrice nay. One wishes to
party. You and I. I know i've made it a verb, and for that I can only say...kiss
my non-existent knackers. Party. Please...”
So party we did!
Three tins of finest fray-bentos pie for him to gorge himself on. Half a pint of
full cream. And prawn crackers.
“one likes the fizzing on my tongue...much better than Skips dear sir...”
I was also warned against searching for cat porn, as it wouldn't be what I
thought. We went for a walk through the park, he glared at the herons and
called them racists. He hissed at a passing snot-faced child who was throwing pebbles at cars. He even took a shit inside a dog kennel, laughing as he did so. We returned home...

It was evening, I was on my back, Nathaniel sat on my belly – and we were
getting stoned together. Van Morrison's Moondance on repeat. Nathaniel's favourite song. I would inhale, then slowly exhale against his stoned-moggy-mush. He was purring himself something rotten.

He danced a little cat-dance on me, his tail a furry baton conducting the
invisible felines around us no doubt, in a mass orgy of marijuana and music. I
was getting stoned with a bunch of hep-dead-cats.
And then I felt sad again. Nathaniel was going to die tonight. I...I wasn't prepared.

He leapt from my stomach and hit pause with his paws. And staggered
towards me. Purring his whiskers off, like a warm pneumatic drill going off.
I turned to face him, tears streaming down my face...he smiled softly at me
and spoke - “Now good sir, no more tears...i can only thank you once more
for sharing your home with me. For being a human of quality. For always
treating me with kindness and respect. I, dear sir...i...”
we both gulped, and said in unison...

“i love you...”

and with that, we both sobbed, face against face, his paws stroking my throat
and face, our heads rolling and rotating against one another's. My hand
scratching the back of his ears. Nathaniel spoke again...
“this is getting silly my friend...lets sit outside...the moon is bright, and I want
you to see something...”
So we walk outside, and sit under the velvet sky. Nathaniel running between
my legs, looking up. He stopped and leapt up on my lap, his tail in my face,
urging me to look at the sky.
“There good sir...do you see it? The secret within the skies? That star
shooting across the heavens?”

I looked, and there it was...a beautiful, glistening shooting star..leaving a trail
of light behind it, gossamer watercolours in the air...it was beautiful...

Nathaniel continued - “Oh yes sir..a fine beauty that one...here's cat-secret
2...when we die, and have had a happy life, none of this nine lives bullshit...oh no...we live on...free...in the skies...we are stars! That one just then, that...that was my true ove...Agnes...”

“You were in love?”

“Were sir? Oh no...still am...my only sadness is leaving you, but when my
time is up...you will always find me, up there...chasing through the stars at
night...its what cats do best after all...and soon, I'll be up there, with my
Agnes...chasing each other, throughout this dainty and magnificent
cosmos...the garden of the universe...”
“you old rascal...Agnes eh...bet she was as beautiful down here as she is up
there eh...you old rogue you...”

“indeed sir...radiant, incandescent, my soul was afire the moment we met...I'll
be happy up there sir, have no complaint, have no fear...indeed, I cannot wait
to be with her...but remember sir, you have my love too...”
He nestled into my lap at that, and I rubbed his soft yet hard little foggy belly.
He purred so loud. Out of the corner of my eye, up high past the full moon – I
saw another shooting star...just touching the tail of the last, of...Agnes I suppose...

“Look Nathaniel...look! Another...”
It was then that I looked down, and my friend, my Nathaniel. He had left. I shed more tears, but in happy-sadness. For that new shooting star was
Nathaniel.

“Go get her you old rascal...you two go run! I fucking love you!”

Shouting out in the darkness, I felt not a fool, but proud to have shared this
noble little cat's life, and to be there when he died.
I slept outside that night, stoned, and with Nathaniel by my side. For old times
sake. I said my goodbyes again in the morning, burying his body in his
favourite spot in the garden, near the lilies.

That was two months ago now. I think of him whenever I see a star twinkle
and shine. And pretend I'm stroking him when I really miss him. I did buy a new rolling pin though. Dirty burger.

It was only four months later that I met this woman, this incredible person –who understood me, and I her. We could speak without speaking, know
without telling, and love like we were shaking the fucking cosmos.

She was my Agnes, and I her Nathaniel. And one night, eight months after meeting her, I had to propose. We were in the garden, stoned, a bottle of wine on the go. And as I asked, she gasped...she was looking up at the nightsky...she whispered - “Look love, look up...a shooting star...two of them!”

I looked up, indeed there were. Two beautiful stars, not perfect in itself – just perfect for one another...that is why they trail-blaze...thats why the cosmos shook in awe of them.
“And yes...yes you wonderful man...i would love to marry you...”

Just then, as the universe stopped to watch us kiss. I felt that little tickle between my feet – Nathaniel and Agnes coming to pass on their blessings.