Bundle of Joy

"Shut the hell up you little bastard! Look at yourself. You've
misbehaved once again and I told you not to throw your cookies on the
floor if you're not gonna eat them!" Cassie shouted. An uncontrollable
rage registered in her eyes as she violently shook the baby girl in her
arms. She extended the baby out from her chest and narrowed her eyes to
stare at it. "You stop that god damned crying you spoiled little
bastard!" However, despite the dizzying effects of her physical abuse,
the high pitched wailing of the infant continued unabated. Her baby's
eyes fluttered like butterfly wings with each pounding fist Cassie
randomly unleashed into the baby's soft body. "Stop it! Stop it!" she
screamed. "You listen to me. I am your mother. And you'll obey me!" In
a fit of anger, she raised her right hand and with the heavy groan
threw the soft rubbery infant hard against the wall of her tiny
bedroom. Her baby's crying subsided with a heavy thud. The head
shattered and broken portions from it flew in all directions. The room
became deathly quiet. She closed her eyes and rubbed the temples of her
forehead. The raging storm inside of her had ceased for the present
time. She walked slowly and gently picked up the infant once again and
cradled its lifeless body into her arms. She caressed it gently in the
nook of her arms and sat alongside the edge her bed. Cassie softly
sobbed as she stroked its blotted patches of remaining hair. She smiled
sweetly and rocked her baby and began to sing. "Hush little baby now
don't you cry, Momma gonna bake you an apple pie. If that apple pie
comes out good, Momma gonna treat you really good."

**************

"Come on now, Susan. You're doing just fine. Keep pushing. Breathe
deep and exhale. Just like you practiced before. This what you've been
wishing and waiting for. Push Susan. You're almost there. Dilating very
well. I can see the baby's head," Dr. Christian encouraged her in the
delivery room. Susan's breathing increased and her crimson colored face
contorted as she contracted her abdominal muscles once again. She was
bringing into the world another living being. A product of the timeless
love and devotion of her marriage to Jack. A mixture of joy and relief
was flooding through her. Joy would be their daughter's name. Yes
indeed, their first born would be named Joy for she would bring such
happiness to everyone who would know her. Every muscle in her body
seemed to be cramped from her exertion to give birth and liberate
herself from the excruciating pain. Her hair was matted damp from sweat
and hung limply still held tight by the plastic bonnet secured around
her head. "One more big push Susan! She is almost here," he urged her
once again. Susan tossed her head from side to side and moaned once
again. Gathering all her strength, she strained once again. She heard a
slap and then the wailing began.

"Merry Christmas, Susan. It's three o'clock in the morning on
Christmas Day. Looks like you've got yourself a beautiful present for
beneath your Christmas tree," Dr. Christian announced. The soft sighs
of the other nurses surrounding her confirmed that daughter was here
and Susan began to cry. Dr. Christian congratulated her and held the
crying little bundle of joy up for her to see. She giggled and tried to
see through blurred teary eyes the ten tiny toes and ten tiny fingers
of her newborn baby girl. She reached out and Joy was laid to rest upon
the breast of her mother. Susan could feel the tiny rhythmic heartbeat
and Joy's protesting sounds of birth turned into a soft gurgling sigh
of contentment. "Merry Christmas, Joy," she whispered and let her lips
gentle touch her forehead."

***************

Cassie placed her baby into the plastic strainer inside the stainless
steel sink and turned the faucet on. "It's time for your bath, my
little angel," Cassie said in a melodic tone of voice. "You sit there
and get yourself all pretty and I'll be back in a little while. I want
to get you that special Christmas present I've been promising you
because you should have a sister to play with. I'm going to bring her
one of your toys. Is that okay? How about if I bring Tigger, your
stuffed animal from Winnie the Pooh? Think she'll like that? It will be
just for a little while. I promise. We want to make her feel welcome in
her new home, don't we now?" Cassie turned the faucet off and tested
the water with her elbow. "There that's perfect!" she exclaimed. "See I
am a good mother." She blew the plastic toy doll a kiss and turned off
the lights to her apartment. She clenched her coat tightly around
herself and walked out onto the deserted streets of Saylesville. She
walked purposely but her straining tension was mounting once again. She
tried to block the horrific image from her mind but the picture flooded
her memory once again. She pictured herself once again living on the
streets and the human life she once aborted in the back alley of a New
York City slum. "Good for nothing bastard," she mumbled thinking of her
unborn child's father. She quickened her steps staring at the sidewalk.
"He wasn't worth a damn. Called me slutty whore. Just wanted me as a
fuck cushion to get his rocks off when none of his other bitches were
around. Said he was a construction worker and loved to lay pipe.
Construction worker, my ass. Laying his pipe in me was all the
construction he wanted to do. When I told him I was pregnant with his
baby, he laughed and told me to deal with it myself. Well I did! I
shoved a metal rod like a giant suppository up into my swollen belly
and I squeezed the little unwanted bastard out of me. I raised the
bloody mass of flesh over my head in victory and threw it away in a
dumpster just like he threw his hands in the air when he got done
laying his pipe." A car sped by her and sounded its horn that caused
her to jump. She cursed at it and stuck her middle finger out. "That
son of a bitch Tyrone told me his main purpose in life was to prevent
all women of the world from becoming lesbians! "It was a girl Tyrone!
Just for your information," Cassie yelled. "Can't you hear me, you
bastard? A pretty little girl she would have been too, Tyrone!
Beautiful soft olive colored skin and little hands and dark hair,
Tyrone. Her blood is still on my hands all because of you! You said you
loved and cared for me and then you just walked out on me and your
unborn daughter!" Cassie screamed into the dark silence of night and no
one witnessed the tears which welled in her eyes.

It was nearly daybreak when Cassie found herself staring up at the
bright neon sign at the entrance of St. Joseph's Memorial Hospital.
Douglas Fir and Blue Spruce trees were brightly decorated with colorful
lights. Wreaths and Christmas displays were everywhere. Susan Westwood
was resting comfortably in room fourteen on the third floor. Her
husband Jack was still on duty at the Saylesville Fire Station when he
received the telephone call bringing the news of the birth of his
daughter, Joy.

Cassie began to tremble as she ascended the concrete stairs to the
hospital. The glass doors swung open automatically. She hesitated a
moment then walked quickly, following the wall posted signs to the
maternity ward. Personnel traffic was light and the few people that
passed paid her little if any attention. Her throat tightened and she
stared at the white tiling avoiding eye contact with anyone in hospital
uniform in the corridor like tunnel. She climbed another flight of
stairs. The light from the nursery room illuminated the hallway and she
smiled inwardly. She stopped and stared through the Plexiglass
partition to see the newborn infants in their individual plastic cribs.
She sighed deeply and felt her face begin to flush. The blue and
pink-blanketed infants were lying so innocently there before her. Soon
she would select and hold her newborn daughter in her arms, she
thought. She interlocked her fingers across her stomach and closed her
eyes. She smiled remembering the tiny kicking she felt there deep
inside her last year. Then her facial features changed and she blankly
stared. She recalled her cries of pain and the sight of bloodstained
hands and clothing that seemed everywhere. The intercom blared
someone's name to report to Hematology. The sudden interruption brought
her back from her temporary fugue. Cassie inhaled sharply and her eyes
darted around her to see if there was an entrance doorway. She backed
away a few steps and searched both ways down the long corridor. A
female attendant dressed in blue approached and gave her a cursory
glance and knitted her eyebrows as she stepped past. The nurse stopped
and turned around and opened her mouth. Cassie sensed the danger of
being asked questions and immediately turned and walked away from the
nursery window. She pushed open a hallway side door and walked up
another stairwell. She paused before opening another door a few moments
for the sounds of voices were just on the other side. The muffled
voices faded into silence. She held her breath and cracked the door
open just enough for her to peek through. Two female Environmental
Service Aides were pushing wheeled hamper carts collecting nurses'
garbs down the hall to be brought downstairs to the laundry room. Both
were lost in mumbled conversation discussing holiday festivities. They
disappeared into another room. Cassie opened the door and quickly made
her way to the clothes hamper. She rummaged through the basket
selecting a pair of light blue scrubs. She selected one that still had
a black plastic name tag on it. She hurried once again back down the
hall and exited into the stairwell. Cassie pulled on the nurse's
garments over the clothes she was wearing. Satisfied she looked the
part of being a hospital worker, she descended the staircase once
again. Cassie decided it was time to meet her new daughter in
person.

The door to room fourteen swung open. "Susan?" the attending nurse
asked. "Do you feel up to having something to drink now?

"Maybe some juice but I'm still a bit woozy," replied Susan attempting
to prop herself up a bit more. "But can I see my baby now? Can I hold
her? Please? Just for a few minutes. I'll bet you she is just crying
her eyes out because she is hungry and wants her Mommy." Susan's eyes
reflected her happiness.

"I'll ask to see if one of the other nurses can bring her in for a few
minutes. I'm not even sure if she's been officially weighed yet. Being
Christmas and all we are short staffed," the nurse replied
apologetically.

"My husband? Is he here?" Susan asked lifting her head from the
pillow.

"I don't think so. Not yet. But he has been called and we gave him the
news. I'm sure he will be here shortly. Now let me see if I can get
someone to bring in your baby for a minute or two."

The attending nurse smiled and pushed open the door and released a
heavy sigh. "Another four hours of this running around from patient to
patient and I'll be ready for some medication myself," she mumbled. As
she walked past the nurse's station, she happened to catch sight of a
nurse holding a baby in the nursery. "Just in time!" she smiled and
forcefully pushed open the door. "Where's your mask?" she paused and
stared at Cassie with knitted eyebrows. "You should know no one is
allowed in here without their surgical mask on," the attending nurse
reprimanded gently. "I think there are some over there on the counter.
Here let me get you one to put on."

Cassie's breath caught in her throat at the sound of the nurse's voice.
She tightened her grip on the infant and held it closely to her. Her
mouth fell open and she stuttered.

The attending nurse smiled. "Oh I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to
startle or frighten you umm, Nurse..umm." She glanced at the name tag
on her lapel which read Cheryl Holden. "I am sorry, Cheryl, I don't
recall seeing you on the floor before, but seeing you're here would you
do me a big favor?" She searched the counter top for a surgical mask
and then stooped down and opened a cabinet drawer.

Cassie's mind raced and she turned away a bit before replying. The
nervous tension within her was building and ready to explode. She felt
as if she was so close now. Her voice cracked. "Oh, I was on days
before in Hematology Lab. They just switched me over to nights. Just
getting to use to feeling my way around the place, you understand. I
didn't mean to intrude and be a bother to you. I'm just on a break for
a moment and thought I'd stop in and see the babies," replied Cassie
regaining her composure. She was being careful not to reveal too much
of her face. "I looked for a paper mask when I came in, but I didn't
see any," Cassie lied with a low giggle.

"That figures. They wait for me to put out a fresh box when they use
the last one. Ah ha, here they are." The nurse selected a mask from
inside the drawer and handed it to Cassie. "Oh and you're not a bother
at all. In fact, you'd be a big help if you could do me a small
favor?"

Cassie licked her lips and nodded her head.

"Great! Would you take Joy Westwood to her mother in room fourteen just
for a few minutes? She asked and is expecting someone with her
daughter. I have to see the doctor for a few other things but I think
it will be okay if you go in and stay there with the baby too. Just for
a few minutes, please? I'll get someone to bring in some apple juice
for her if she should ask again."

"That's not a bother at all," Cassie replied with a smile. She rocked
the baby in her arms and she hiccuped. "Shhhsuuush," Cassie said softly
over her mewling noises. "Momma's right here."

The attending nurse smiled. "You're a peach Cheryl. Thanks a bunch. I
owe you one. Be back in a jiffy."

The attending nurse disappeared and waved to Cassie through the
partition glass on her way through the corridor. Cassie inhaled deeply
and released it slowly. She turned away and headed for the swinging
door that she pushed open with her knee. She looked in both directions.
Satisfied that no one was in the corridor, she removed the surgical
mask and hurried down the hall. She forcefully pushed open the stairway
door. She placed the bundled infant on the floor and hurried to shed
the hospital clothing which she roughly tossed into a corner. She
grunted as she gathered up her bundle of joy and hurried down the
stairs. The baby started whimper from her discomfort and from the rough
handling. Cassie whispered softly to her new baby and allowed her lips
to touch the soft fuzz on top of her head. "Almost there, my precious.
Cassie will save you from all the evil men in the world," she whispered
once again. She pushed the metal bar on the emergency exit door in the
rear of the hospital and quickly made her way across a nearly empty
parking lot. Jack Westwood smiled as he ascended the concrete stairs
two at a time in happy expectation to see his wife Susan and greet his
new daughter. He neglected to see the huddled figure hurrying across
the parking lot with a pink bundle held fast against her chest. It had
begun to snow lightly. Cassie smiled inwardly and tucked a bit more
blanket around the infant to keep it warm. This certainly was a special
Merry Christmas. But she had to hurry home now; her baby girl in the
sink needed drying from her bath and her bundle of Joy was already
hungry and beginning to cry.