CAT'S TAIL - NO PUN INTENDED

At about four I turned over in bed and felt alongside me. Of course,
my wife of six months was missing. Or rather gone away. I hadn`t asked
her to. I merely said that unless "Quetzacoatl" the cat was sent away
or destroyed I would leave her for good. Well, that was fair enough
wasn`t it? You see, I had no idea about the cat before we married, it
lived in Sheila`s house next door and although the creature was around
it always fled when I turned up. I thought it was her parents cat,
naturally, since Sheila never talked about it, and I was after all in
love, with her.

Mother had it sent round after the honeymoon - the morning after we
came back. I don`t normally mind cats or dogs for that matter - but to
see Sheila practically worshiping it and having it growl (truly, a deep
growl) at me ... well I ask you!

Amazingly the cat was still around six months later but this afternoon
I had put my proposition The cat or me would be on our way, where
didn`t matter. So - Sheila had disappeared with IT in a box with holes,
which I had drilled out myself for speed . If I had had my own way it
would not have had any holes.

Ah well, I thought, turning over -I mean, wasn`t it mental
cruelty...?

I was just dozing off, feeling a sort of luxury seeping through me. I
felt that my mother`s old house was cosy enough for me to live in on my
own, and was dismissing the thought that I had promised something about
"till death us do part". (A matter of form these days, surely? ) when I
was jerked into full wakefulness by a sound.

It was coming from outside and I couldn`t make out what it was. I got
out of bed and opened the window to see if that would help. And it did,
too clearly. It was a revolting sort of screech mixed with the sound of
a demented meeow

I recognised it.

2.

It used to make that sort of noise whenever it wanted to come in (I
refused to have a cat flap - insecure I said.)

"They" said that a cat liked to come home from wherever it was. Why
this one wanted to come here I couldn`t think, it had never so much as
jumped into my lap. This one certainly sounded as if it wanted to come
in! I leaned right out of the window but I couldn`t see anything, maybe
this was some other tomcat - perhaps one of the kittens it had fathered
around had inherited its yowl.

I took a jug of cold water and went out of the back door to find the
culprit. I looked round the back and the front but the drive was clear
and the bushes had nothing behind them.

Then I made a more thorough search of the extensive rear garden. The
yowling went on but seemed a little quieter. I looked down the avenue
where I had first kissed Sheila, then behind the bush where I had had
her first. Nothing. No cat, no memories, well almost no memories. I
covered the rest of the garden and as I looked beyond the greenhouse
the noise stopped. Heaving a big sigh I emptied the jug of water over
the rose bed with which Sheila had taken so much trouble.

I gave up my searching.

I returned to the kitchen, shut and locked the door which I had left
ajar and switched on the light putting out my torch and took a tumbler
of cooking whisky from a cupboard, drained it in one gulp and headed
for bed.

My bedside lamp was still burning peacefully, but stretched luxuriously
across the pillow once occupied by my wife was, you have guessed it
haven`t you - Quesecotal, almost three black feet of him.

3.

He was apparently asleep and a deep purr began to echo through the room
and into my brain.

Sheila had gone to her sisters on the other side of the town. How could
this animal have ... I was so annoyed that I broke into speech,

"What are you doing here?"

Its head came up and his yellow staring eyes looked at me. The pupils
were at their largest so that I seemed to be seeing deep down into
their depths. The purring continued and I somehow seemed to hear a
voice deep and commanding in my head.

"I am so sorry, you will have to put up with me for the time
being."

"I answered him aloud, "Why should I?"

"Because Lady Sheila, my Mistress asked me to."

"Huh! Why should she do that?"

"I could say because she is a witch and I am her familiar. But I
won`t."

"How very kind of you. Now, get off my bed."

"Try and make me."

I leapt across the bed towards the far pillow but collapsed on it
holding nothing. The purring was now in my left earlobe and the cat was
on my pillow.

"Not very good! If I was you I should get under the duvet and settled
down. We will continue our talk at breakfast."

And I did just that!

At breakfast he came and sat in Sheila`s old place. He began to purr
and I did my best to swipe him off. After all he had never sat up there
before, too polite Sheila said!. All I managed was to spill the milk
and knock my coffee to the ground.

4.

"That`s a good try," his voice rumbled in my head. "Now, a saucer of
milk would be a good idea, and during your lunch hour you can get me a
cold chicken and a tin or so of my favourite cat food."

"I don`t know what it is."

He promptly named a well known (and as I discovered) very expensive cat
food. Then I got a saucerful of top of the milk and placed it on the
floor.

No result. I had to place it on the table top before he would take
any.

"Now can I have my breakfast?"

"Of course. Don`t let me disturb you." His mouth opened in what I think
was meant to be a charming smile. (Not that I now thought of "it" as
"him".) He finished the milk. "Good. Now I will leave you until about
supper time. I am going back to Lady Sheila, my Mistress. I will call
in at supper and stay the night. She knows where I am."

"You won`t you know."

"Then you won`t get any sleep," he promised, and leaping off the table
he proceeded to the kitchen door and let forth one of his - er - calls.
I let him out.

After work I bought some cat food and then went over to Sheila`s
sister`s place. She was in, and invited me into her sitting room. The
Cat was there, curled up on a chair. Sheila sat down and he immediately
jumped into her lap and she smiled at him. He purred but I could not
hear his voice.

"Is that his supper in your bag?"

"Yes. But how did you know?"

"Oh, we had a big consultation when he came home this morning. I gather
it was working quite well last night."

5.

"What was?"

"Our little scheme. You will go on being visited until ... well you
know -"

"I don`t know at all."

"Take me back. I still love you, you know."

"No. I don`t want a witch in the house." But I looked at Sheila and saw
again why I had married her.

"I`m not a witch you know. But I don`t know about Quetzecoatl. I don`t
know where he had been before I found him.

"Where was that?"

"In the dull canal on a winter evening round behind the
gashouse."

I didn`t know then that she was quoting, but I was realising that I
loved her more than I did the Cat. I took her home. Over a little time
I began to bear with, and then even to like Quetzecoatl, I even had him
(sometimes) on my lap while Sheila was cooking.

I think that there was some witchery involved.