Warmth

occasionally I'll get lost in the laundry
the cleaning the things that need to
be done I'll forget the things I did
the things I miss the snorting the
huffing the broken bottles and bra straps

I miss being stupid

I'll take a screwdriver and pretend
I'm fixing the curtains and I think
about the times of intensity when
and before I became half of myself

shaking between cleanings and
burning right through my arms I
think that maybe this is not so
bad maybe I am here for someone
maybe this whole polyester thing

wasn't such a bad idea cowboy
boots and heels and wedding veils
and ribbons on strips of hair I am

slowly leaving it back there in a
shitty one-bedroom with a balcony
that leaked and a person I only
pretended to like who gave me

a chair I put on the balcony and
left when I moved and packed
up my things and came

here.