JUST LOOK AT ME NOW

"Call me tight, if you want to but I haven't got you anything for
your birthday. Rest assured though Bev, one day you'll see the benefit
of it. Rest assured. You'll be thanking me one day." Lew didn't look at
her as he spoke. Instead, he inserted a grubby finger into his right
nostril and waggled it about. "I've got something up me bleedin nose"
he muttered.

"A bogie, perhaps?" Bev offered helpfully.

He glanced at her sharply but her expression was, as usual,
serene.

"Well anyway, Happy Birthday, you big old girl. How old today?" She was
about to reply that she was 35 but he was rambling on again.

"Yeah, you must be nigh on 40 now Bev me old darling and look at you
now looking after me. Once upon a time, I was bouncing you on me knee.
You were nothing but a scrap then and look at you now, tall as a bloody
lamp-post."

"Yes," Bev sighed, "Look at me now."

"I've not long for this world my dear old girl," he looked sad, "but
I`m not complaining. I`ve had a good old life. You'll be rewarded Bev
love for all you've done".

"Now dad," Bev placed a roast on the table in front of him, "let's not
be morbid today. It`s my birthday."

Lew appeared not to be listening, "Hark" he raised a warning finger.
She waited, listening intently, wondering what on earth he could hear
that she could not. He passed wind violently and burst out laughing.
She half-heartedly joined in as she sat opposite him at the table and
faced her Sunday roast with sudden loss of appetite.

"Oh Bev," he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, "how do you put up
with me love? I don't know." He shook his head at the mystery of it and
shakily cut a mouthful of meat from the slice on his plate.

"Bit tough this, Bev" he commented but she pretended not to hear.

He chewed noisily, stopping only to pick at his teeth with the nail of
his little finger, purposely never trimmed for this very purpose.

"So Bev &;#8230;" he smiled cheerfully, " 'ave you made one of your
sponges? I fancy a bit of cake. If you stick a candle on top, I'll sing
Happy Birthday for you." He pushed his plate away and burped his
appreciation.

Bev began clearing the table and shook her head, "Sorry, dad. I haven't
got time to whip up a sponge cake now. I need to get ready. I'm off out
tonight."

Lew looked both alarmed and stunned all at once, "What's this? Off out,
are you? You never said."

"Didn't I?" Bev had her back to him. She seemed not to care that he
didn't like what he was hearing.

"No, Bev, you definitely did not mention to me that you was going out."
He dabbed at his eyes and shook his head, "And what with it being your
birthday today. Morse is on tonight, you're going to miss it."

"Well, I'd much rather go out," Bev said from the sink, up to her
elbows in bubbles, "Anyway Dad, I've got a date. You know how you're
always joking and calling me an old spinster all the time?" she didn't
wait for him to reply, "Well, it got me thinking and I don't want to
end up on the shelf. "

"Oh." Lew looked crestfallen. "Where are you going, then?"

"Just out for a little drink. Nothing fancy. I'll be back by the time
Morse has finished I promise, so I'll still be able to get you your
bedtime cocoa."

Reasurred, he shuffled into the front room to read the newspaper, "Put
the kettle on girl" he called, "I could do with a brew."

Edward, or Eddie as he preferred to be known (secretly Bev thought
Edward suited him far better), was half an hour late for their date.
Bev had self-consciously bought herself a drink and found a table, then
spent a nervous 30 minutes trying to compose herself and look as though
she was enjoying her own company immensely

When Eddie eventually arrived, looking a little dishevelled, he
appeared not to notice the effort she had taken with her appearance, in
fact he hardly looked at her and spent most of the evening eyeing up
the young barmaid.

"Got any change for the cigarette machine love? I've only gone and
forgot me blummin` wallet."

Bev rummaged in her purse for the right amount of change, plus a bit
extra so he could buy himself a drink.

"You're a right doll, you are," he said gratefully, "and I'm gonna make
it up to you."

She watched him flirting with the barmaid, offering her a cigarette,
but felt no jealousy. The barmaid was obviously not interested in him
and he was soon sitting opposite her again, supping his Guiness and
wondering if she had another ?1 coin for the 'Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire' games machine. He didn't fare very well on this, but Bev
was wise enough not to shout out the right answers, when he so
obviously didn't have a clue.

The evening passed pleasantly enough, despite the setback of the
forgotten wallet which, unfortunately, cut short their evening because
they soon ran out of money (Bev had only thought to bring ?25 with
her). They parted company outside with a quick kiss on the lips which
tasted of cigarette smoke and did not send a shiver down Bev's spine.
Wisely or foolishly, whatever the case may be, she was undeterred by
the lack of desire she felt towards Eddie. Whilst nervously hurrying
home (her neighbourhood wasn't the safest to be out and about in during
daylight, let alone after dark) she analysed the evening. Bev made up
her mind that she would definitely go out with him again in the event
that he should ask her. After all, she didn't get asked out on a date
every day (it had been several years).

"Back early?" Her father was sitting in his armchair, legs crossed with
his foot swaying in tune to the theme music of Morse. "You missed a
good one tonight Bev."

"I'll put the milk on for your cocoa," she said wearily.

A few months later, Lew's world was turned upside down by Bev's
announcement that Eddie had proposed and she had accepted.

Lew was somewhat ungracious about the whole thing and swore they would
receive not a single penny from him towards the wedding.

"Yes Bev, my dear old girl, not a penny will you get from me."

He had always been a tight-fisted old buggar.

The wedding was a simple affair, low-key at the local Registry Office
with only a handful of guests and few family members. Bev wore a pale
lemon suit from Marks and Spencer which her father said made her look
twice her age.

"Ooooh look at you, Bev, look at you on your big day. Not a patch on
your mother, mind you. She looked a picture." He peered at her closely,
"That lemon colour, Bev, puts twenty years on you."

Afterwards, Eddie moved his belongings into Bev's old room at home,
which was not exactly what she had been hoping for.

"She's a good girl, is our Bev"," She heard her father's voice from the
front room, and Eddie's grunt of agreement, "Stick the kettle on love
will you, we're parched in here."

Bev was tackling the job of clearing up after the Sunday roast, her
face red from the heat of the kitchen.

"Forget that Bev darlin`", Eddie popped his head round the kitchen
door, "I'm just gonna take your dad out for a pint. Wont be
long."

Silently, she continued with the washing up, then carefully dried all
the dishes and put them neatly away.

As she walked into the now empty living room, she made to tidy up after
the men, but as she did so she caught site of herself in the
over-mantle mirror. She stopped and studied her reflection for a while.
It made her want to weep.

"Look at you now," she whispered to herself, and her reflection
whispered back, "Yes, look at you now."

Wearily, she turned away and continued tidying up the room.