Character Creation (asking for feedback plz)
By Dakota_123
- 393 reads
(Hi. This is a pretty long passage of me just trying to work on character development. I just want help. So...if you guys have any tips on how to develop the characters or the story, please comment and let me know. Thanks. Sorry about spacing and such. I'll try to fix it the best I can. )
Michael Calhoun sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes. He slowly reached out and turned off his alarm.
5:40 am. His daily
regimine.
Michael flipped out of
bed and quickly pushed out twenty push-ups.
He stood up and popped
his back and walked to the bathroom mirror, washing his face.
He stretched again and
pulled on a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. He strapped on
his tennis shoes and watch.
He looked at the watch,
5:45 am.
He opened the door and
began his morning jog.
The day about halfway
through his jog felt different.
“This feels like it was
before.”
He shook his head. He
refused to go back to the way things were before. That was too
painful.
He looked at his watch as
he approached Megan Sharp's house.
6:00 am.
He jogged in place as
Megan exited her door.
She joined him.
Her hair was tied back.
She wore black leggings an a pink tank-top. She wore purple and pink
tennis shoes and carried a drawstring bag.
“Hey Michael.”
Michael sat in sadness on
the sidewalk. He just missed his bus and it was pouring rain. “Today
is the day. May 19th. The day I end my life.”
“Hey Michael! You need
a ride?”
Michael shook his head
and looked around. He just had a memory of how he first met Megan.
They became closer and closer ever since. She saved his life
“So, my campaign is
going great. I really think you should give it a try, Michael. If you
do run, then I already lost. We see how much you've grown as a
person. And don't even get me started on your popularity.”
“Megan, please. Stop.
I'm not running for president. Remember how the Student Council
pricks treated me last year. I don't want them kissing my feet.”
“Everyone kisses your
feet anyway, Michael. But some of us just do it because we love you.”
“How did it happen?”
“Um...I'm not entirely
sure. You came back as a different person. Back in May, you were
quiet. Reserved. Wished you were dead every second. Relied on all of
us. Then you come back in August. Your jaw line tightened. You beefed
up somehow. I don't know, dude. But at least you got it before senior
year ended. That's good for us. We can be THOSE seniors that nearly
rule the school.”
“I'm not interested in
ruling the school, Megan.”
“I know.”
“How is the boy-hunt
going?”
“Well, Josh is going to
be my last.”
“What? Megan!”
“The only guy I care
about right now is you, Michael. And not in the
relationship-kind-of-way. I just want to be with friends.”
“Thanks, Megan.”
Michael looked at his
watch again.
6:30 am.
They were approaching his
house.
They finally got to the
door. Michael opened it and Megan jogged to the shower. Michael heard
the water running and started to work on the breakfast.
He put toast in the
toaster and started to prepare the breakfast salad.
A quarter of head of
lettuce in a bowl.
Half of a banana chopped
up.
Four grapes.
As he was organizing the
grapes perfectly, the toast popped out. He grabbed it and put it in
his mouth.
Megan walked into the
kitchen wrapped in her towel. Michael didn't glance at her, “Your
salad is right there. I be back.”
He rushed into the
bathroom and began his own shower.
He soon climbed out and
pulled on a pair of jeans and a v-neck. He began to shave.
He washed off the razor
and looked at his watch as he put it on.
7:30 am.
He walked into the living
room where Megan sat on the couch. She was watching something on
Netflix.
She was completely
dressed in a black skirt that went down to her calves and a pink
button-up shirt. She swung around a pair of tan wedges in her hand.
Michael sighed, “We're
running late.”
Megan nodded, “Yeah.
Sorry. I know how you feel about your routine.”
Michael nodded and tied
his black shoes, “It saved my life. 'The secret of your future...'”
Megan nodded, “'...is
hidden in your daily routine.' That's Murdock, right?”
Michael's phone began to
ring. He stood up and pulled it out of his pocket. He saw it was
Tamara Moore.
Megan pointed to the big
chair next to her as she stretched out, “Sit there.”
Another terrible ending
to a terrible day. Michael got on the bus behind one of his best
friends, Simon Grackle. He looked around . There were no double seats
left.
Michael sighed and
thought to himself, “Today is the day. January 21st. The
day I end my life.”
Simon sat down in a seat
next to another of his friends, “Michael, sit there.”
Michael sat next to the
girl with striking auburn hair. She looked at him, “You have
beautiful eyes. I'm Tamara.”
“Michael! Answer the
phone! I can't hear my show!”
Michael anwered the call.
“Hey, Tamara. Are you...?”
He heard her voice
shaking slightly, “I am.”
Michael nodded, “Are
you sure?”
Tamara sobbed, “I'm
positive.”
Michael sighed, “Thanks,
Tamara. I have to go.”
Megan stood up as he hung
up, “Who was that?”
Michael smirked,
“Tamara.”
Megan nodded, “And...?
Is the rumor confirmed?”
Michael nodded, “Yeah.
She's dropping out.”
Megan rolled her eyes, “I
swear, if I ever see her again, I'll rip her hair out. Come on, let's
go.”
Michael and Megan began
their trek to school.
As they parked, Michael
looked at his watch.
Megan chuckled, “Wait.
Lemme do this. I wanna see if I know the routine.”
She looked around, “8:00
am. We start walking towards Ellisville High School.”
“8:02 am. Colorguard
practice laughs my name flirtaciously.”
A group of girls holding
flags walks past them, “Hi, Michael.”
Megan laughed, “And the
helicopter flies overhead.”
Sure enough, the red news
helicopter flew overhead.
Michael smiled, “And
here come the ROTC guys.”
Seconds later, lines of
students marched past them.
“8:03 am. Cheerleaders
make their way to class. Giving me an evil look and metioning how
they can't believe how AMAZING you are.”
A line of cheerleaders
walk by. “Hi, Michael. I still can't believe how tall you've
gotten.”
Megan snorted in
laughter. The cheerleaders gave her an evil look.
Michael laughed as the
cheerleaders left. He looks at his watch, “8:04 am. When we realize
we're going to be late for class again. And run to get there on
time.”
Megan opened up a small
pad of paper, “That's not on the routine I recorded.”
Michael laughed and
grabbed her wrist, rushing her through the halls to their first
class.
They rushed into the room
as the bell rang.
The teacher smiled, “8:06
am. Michael and Megan come in late for another wonderful day in
English again. I automatically assume they were playing another game
of 'Guess the Schedule'. But, Mrs. Houser is so loving, she counts
them as on-time and tells them to sit down.”
The class chuckled. There
were only nine people in the class. It was the smallest class the
school had.
Mrs. Houser wrote in big
letters on the board, “Today's subject is change. Tell me, who here
can spot an element of change in Night.”
English class went on
boring as ever.
The second class of the
day, International Business Applications, consisted of Michael
sitting at his computer, redoing work he already completed just for
something to do.
The second bell rang and
he got out of his chair.
He made his way down the
halls.
He ran into Simon in the
hallway. Michael bounced off of him. Simon always had that sort of
act to people. He was slightly overweight.
“Sorry.”
“It's fine.”
“I'm surprised the god
still talks to me.”
“I'm not a god.”
“I'm surprised you
still haven't apologized for not giving me your tricks. I wanted to
be thin. You were already thin. But you buffed up. Now everyone
kisses your feet. You are a god!”
“I'm not, Simon. Nobody
kisses at my feet.”
Voices drifted from
behind him, “Michael?”
Michael sighed and closed
his eyes, remembering his routine. He whispered to Simon, “11:22
am. Culinary class girls give me some kind of baked treat.”
Simon rolled his eyes,
“You have the schedule memorized?”
The culinary girls handed
Michael the Tupperware of cookies, realizing it was a bad time. They
rushed away giggling.
Michael looked at Simon,
“I'm so sorry.”
Simon grabbed the
Tupperware and opened it, “I'll take these as an apology.”
He munched on the cookies
on the way to their third class. Gym.
Michael sat next to Simon
uncomfortably as he ate the cookies.
The coach came in tired,
''Alright guys. Free day. Get up and do something if you want. If
not. Just sit there. I don't care. You know to put your phones away
if the principal comes in. I'll be in my office.”
The coach left the gym.
Simon had crumbs all
around his mouth, “So, Mr. Set-Schedule, when is it that you tell
me how to lose the weight?”
Michael opened his mouth,
trying to think of a non-rude answer.
“Guys! I have something
to show you!”
Michael silently thanked
everything that is holy for Donald McKernan.
Don pulled out four PS
Vitas.
He handed them out to the
small group of friends.
He stood up, ''Alright.
Me and Michael versus Simon and Anna.”
As the class neared its
conclusion, Simon and Anna were destroying the other group. Anna was
holding the device improperly and they were still winning.
Don called to Michael,
“Quick! Unlock that box!”
Michael shook his head,
“Too many entrances.”
Don rolled his eyes, “I
have your back.”
“You should kill
yourself. Go to Hell like the fag you are.”
Michael just came out as
bisexual to his group of friends.
He thought as the insults
flowed, “This is it. January 20th. The day I end my
life.”
Michael was surprised
when a large fist came around and hit the insulter in the face. Simon
wiped the blood from the boy's broken nose off his knuckle.
Don put his arm around
Michael, “No matter what, we have your back.”
“Damn! Michael! Why
didn't you open the box?!”
“Sorry, I zoned out.”
Simon laughed, “And the
god goes down, easily defeated.”
I punched him in the
stomach. He chuckled, not feeling the pain.
The bell rang, signaling
the end of class. The group all went to lunch to eat.
After lunch, Michael
strolled through the courtyard on his way to his next class.
He was walking through
towards the opposite side of the school, when he heard his name,
“Michael. Where have you been?”
Michael stood in the
bleachers of the stadium on the windy Yearbook Day.
He looked at his phone,
wishing Tamara would text him back.
He looked around. After
the fight, he never felt the same. He nearly killed that boy. Over a
girl.
“This is it. May 9th.
The day I end my life.”
His phone vibrated. He
looked down. It was an old friend from middle school, “Hey. We see
you over there. Haha. Come hang out with us.”
Michael heard the
conversation as he walked up, “If Sharp thinks she can slut around
just because Josh is confused about their relationship status, she is
sadly mistaken. I will text him right now.”
Michael awkwardly sat
next to a girl he barely recognized. She hugged him, “Michael!
Remember me? Eleanor Webb? Where have you been?”
El touched his arm,
“Michael, are you all right?”
Michael shot back to
reality, “Yeah. I'm fine. What's going on?”
El smiled, “Megan is
letting me drive her van today. You're going with us, right?”
Michael nodded, “Of
course.”
El laughed and hugged
him.
Michael felt a tug on his
chest, “Is that a third earring set I feel in your right ear?”
El smiled and showed them
off, “Yep.”
She dressed in all black
to really show off the earrings.
She held up her flute
case, “I gotta go to band. Bye. Have fun.”
Fourth block went by
slowly. Mr. Lesser sat behind his own desk, talking. His voice was
monotone and it sounded as if he was drowning on his own mucus, as he
probably was. He sweated buckets, but refused to open a window. He
sat making puns to different fandoms such as Star Wars, trying and
failing to connect them with the day's chemistry lesson. He was the
physical incarnation of Tumblr.
After school, Michael
went through his usual rounds. Trying to pass by all the people who
learned his name in a month and wanted to know him more.
He finally made it to
Megan's car. Megan stood with El. El laughed like a hyena as Megan
stood with hands on her hips.
Michael was late.
Again.
The three got in the car
and made their way to drop off Michael.
Michael looked out the
window of his bedroom as he wrote in his journal. He could feel
something in the air.
His whole world was about
to change.
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Comments
It goes on a bit but it's
It goes on a bit but it's definitely readable at the start
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