Fellowship Of The Foot

Lady of the Rings

The Fellowship of the Foot

Woodley....Third Age

Katbin Baggins sat quietly in the tree. Her large, hairy feet dangled
over the edge of the thick branch. A large bucket of water was in her
lap, and a tiny trickle dribbled over the rim.
'He's late' She muttered.
'A wizard is neither early nor late. He arrives precisely when he means
to!' a voice boomed out from below.
With a startled monkey shriek, Katbin fell out of the tree, with the
bucket.
'Now why, my dear young hobbit, are you sitting on the floor with a
bucket on your head?' The wizard paused and added
'And why are you wet?' as an after thought.
Katbin pulled the bucket off of her head.
"Nice to see you too Studalf!" She grumbled.
Studalf, for it was he, began to laugh as he helped the young hobbit to
her feet.
As Katbin and Studalf walked through Woodley, They talked about
Katbin's very odd uncle, Albo Baggins.
A few years ago Albo was involved in a very strange escapade to the
distant lands of Reading. On his travels he found a mysterious object
lying on the bottom of a cave known as Broad Street, There he
discovered the owner of the object, the hideous Christian.
"GIVE ME BACK MY PRECIOUSSS!!!"
The Severed monkey foot was still in Albo's hand and he was grasping
the chain that was attached to the protruding bone. He flung the foot
round his neck and ran. He looked behind him expecting to see the
monster chasing him, but instead he saw her gazing about herself in
confusion He thought that the creature was simply stupid and kept
running, little did he know that the creature was stupid and he was
invisible.
There was a shrill shriek that echoed through the caves of Broad
Street,
"MY PRECCCCCCCIIOUSSSSSSSSS FOOT!!!!!!!!!!COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!"

Back to the story.

It seems that a very "exciting" gathering was about to occur, but
Katbin, as usual, had no idea as to what was about to happen. Studalf,
of course, knew everything, and had also agreed to put on a little
fireworks display for his friend.

The night of the gathering drew near and the levels of excitement hit
an all time low, Albo sat alone with Studalf smoking splints.
"How do you think tonight will be....oooo what a nice as....anyway, as
I was saying, what a night it shall be."
Studalf raised as eyebrow, sighed and said,
"You never have been the same since that adventure to Reading"
Albo giggled girlishly.
Studalf sighed again, but said nothing.

Everyone sat around silently, the atmosphere was definitely comatose,
and many hobbits were too far gone in sleep to be revived by their
comrades. Albo's five hour long speech (finally) drew to a
close...
"I'm leaving now, Goodbye" shouted Albo, waking up some of the younger
hobbits who slept lightly.
With that he disappeared (literally)
Everyone clapped and cheered, the noise was deafening (everyone hoped
he wouldn't return). They began the feeding frenzy.

After a few hours of eating (hobbits have surprisingly large appetites
for such small creatures) Studalf decided to liven things up a bit and
set off some fireworks.
Big explosions and flames shot across the sky, Studalf was in his
moment.

Suddenly, Studalf noticed that a firework was missing, it was a small
pink one that made the biggest explosion, he was saving that one
especially for a big bang later on that evening in the fields.

An extremely large explosion ripped across the sky. Hobbits dove for
cover and Studalf looked on in horror as his favourite firework
disappeared before his eyes!
He was not best pleased at what just happened.
"Oh no!! I'm on fire!! My feet are on fire!! Ahhh they're melting!! My
feet are melting!!! Help me!" Shrieked Katbin as she ran around the
field trying to put out her hairy feet.
Cazwise Gamgee detached herself from the crowd and ran after Katbin
with a bucket of water. When she eventually caught up with her, she
deposited the contents of the bucket over Katbin's head.
"I'm wet! How rude!!"
Suddenly Studalf's attention was drawn to two char grilled figures,
limping away. He lunged, broom in hand, and quick a swipe at their
feet, he hauled them up by their collars.
"Emilyadoc Brandybuck, and Alexagrin Took, I might have known" Studalf
sighed.
"now what shall we do with you too, hmmm?" Studalf couldn't keep the
hint of glee out of his voice. Emily and Alex exchanged looks of
dread.
"AH!" Studalf exclaimed
Studalf whispered to the two hobbits, with a large grin on his
face.
"What?!?!" shrieked Alex "No! NOT THAT!"
"I am not going to do that!" Shouted Emily
"Oh you're not are you?!?"

(Scene changes quickly with Studalf grinning evilly, screen fades
out)

A few people saw Emily and Alex limping off to their homes a few hours
later, they won't recount how they looked. Studalf made for Albo's
home.
Albo opened the door to his home, and gasped in horror at the sight
that confronted him! Someone had not switched the oven off and his
souffl? had now burnt to ashes. Albo sighed as he turned around and
gasped in shock at the sight that confronted him! Studalf was sitting
by the fire, casually smoking splints.
'How did you get here? I left before you!'
'I'm a wizard' replied Studalf mysteriously.
'But, how?' pursued Albo.
'How long does it take you to walk home?! I've been sitting here for
close on two hours now! Even after I sorted out those two, young
hobbits!' Countered Studalf.
'What were you doing that took you so long anyway?' He continued.
'Oh, you don't want to know' giggled Albo.
'No, really, tell me!'
'Oh, ok then, there was this GORGEOUS, young guy ca?.'
'No, you're right, I don't want to know!' Interrupted Studalf.
'Oh, but?' Albo trailed off dejectedly.
'So then Albo my friend, you really are leaving then.'
'Yes Studalf, I'm tired of this place! I want to see Reading again, I
have to go!'
'Oh, Ok' Studalf returned to his splint.
Albo sighed, he'd be hoping for an argument.
'Oh, are you leaving everything to Katbin?' asked Studalf.
'Well, nearly everything, I'm keeping the foot for myself'
'No! You must give the foot to Katbin! Why are you keeping that?'
'It's mine! My precious, not hers!'
'I think you should give the foot up, Albo, you've had it far to long
as it is!'
'No, I know what you want! You want the foot for yourself!'
'Albo Baggins, this broom is not just for show and sweeping floors! It
is used for hitting stupid hobbits around their heads!
KLUNK
Albo rubbed his head absently.
'Fine' he sighed 'I'll give to Katbin'
'I knew you'd see it my way' beamed Studalf.

(Some time later?)

'Goodbye Albo, until we meet again!' Shouted Studalf.
'Ah, Katbin, I take it the party's finished, hmmm?'
'Yes, it was quite fun really' Katbin paused 'what was wrong with Emily
and Alex?'
'Ah, there is something's young hobbits shouldn't do. There is also
something's young hobbits shouldn't ask! This is one of them.'
'Oh, ok, where is Uncle Albo going?'
Studalf shrugged absently
'Somewhere, hopefully far away.'
'Hey what do you mean?'
'Albo has left you? everything, including his house, and? the foot!'
Said Studalf
'Now Katbin, I have to go, I have to find something out, I'll be back,
but until then, keep the foot safe and don't tell anyone of it!'
With that, Studalf left and was not seen for a few months.

(Few months later)

Katbin sat at home, she did not like smoking splints so she sat and
drank tea. Suddenly, the door burst open and Studalf strode in.
'Where is it? Give me the Foot!'
Katbin searched around until she found the foot,
'Ah, here it is.'
Studalf snatched the foot out of her hand and flung it on the
fire.
'Hey, What are you doing?!' Shrieked Katbin.
Studalf refused to answer, and sat watching as the foot was consumed by
the flames.
'Um, Studalf, the foots burning'
'Oh, damn!'
Studalf pulled the cremated foot from the fire, but it was too late.
The foot was ashes.
Studalf muttered incoherently to himself for awhile, before?
'Hmmm, what's this now?'
A small ring of bone was all that remained of the foot.
'Ahhh' exclaimed Studalf. 'Oh, Damn!'
He turned to Katbin.
'I'm afraid that this is the foot of the dark Lady, Saran. She made
this foot in the cracks of physics. It is filled with all her dark
power, which will make the wearer succumb to Saran's evil.'
'Oh my, what am I going to do?' asked Katbin.
'Well? you'll probably die now, and it's going to be really
painful.'
'How rude! Isn't there anything I can do?'
'Well, normally I'd say yes. However the gates of Waingels have opened
and the Nine have gone forth. Even now they search for the foot. They
are probably in Woodley seeking you as we speak'
'Oh, who are the Nine?' inquired Katbin.
'Now remember what I said about questions that shouldn't be
asked.'
'You don't know, do you Studalf' She accused.
'Shut up! Anyway you have to leave. Go to the Elves, they maybe short,
but they can protect you more than anyone else that walks upon this
Earth. Search for Rivendell, Timrond will protect you. Now I have to
go'
'But!' interrupted Katbin.
'I must seek the head of my order, Beamoman the white; he'll know what
to do! Katbin, I'll meet you in the Inn called the Checkers, in the
county of Waitrose. Good luck Katbin, I think you'll need it!'
'How ru?'
There was a rustling in the bushes?.
(to be continued!)

The Lady of The Rings.

The Fellowship of The Foot.

Part One.

Woodley....Third Age

Katbin Baggins sat quietly in the tree. Her large, hairy feet dangled
over the edge of the thick branch. A large bucket of water was in her
lap, and a tiny trickle dribbled over the rim.
'He's late' She muttered.
'A wizard is neither early nor late. He arrives precisely when he means
to!' a voice boomed out from below.
With a startled monkey shriek, Katbin fell out of the tree, with the
bucket.
'Now why, my dear young hobbit, are you sitting on the floor with a
bucket on your head?' The wizard paused and added
'And why are you wet?' as an after thought.
Katbin pulled the bucket off of her head.
"Nice to see you too Studalf!" She grumbled.
Studalf, for it was he, began to laugh as he helped the young hobbit to
her feet.
As Katbin and Studalf walked through Woodley, They talked about
Katbin's very odd uncle, Albo Baggins.
A few years ago Albo was involved in a very strange escapade to the
distant lands of Reading. On his travels he found a mysterious object
lying on the bottom of a cave known as Broad Street, There he
discovered the owner of the object, the hideous Christian.
"GIVE ME BACK MY PRECIOUSSS!!!"
The Severed monkey foot was still in Albo's grasping the chain that was
attached to the protruding bone. He flung the foot round his neck and
ran. He looked behind him expecting to see the monster chasing him, but
instead he saw her gazing about herself in confusion He thought that
the creature was simply stupid and kept running, little did he know
that the creature was stupid and he was invisible.
There was a shrill shriek that echoed through the caves of Broad
Street,
"MY PRECCCCCCCIIOUSSSSSSSSS FOOT!!!!!!!!!!COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!"

Back to the story.

It seems that a very "exciting" gathering was about to occur, but
Katbin, as usual, had no idea as to what was about to happen. Studalf,
of course, knew everything, and had also agreed to put on a little
fireworks display for his friend.

The night of the gathering drew near and the levels of excitement hit
an all time low, Albo sat alone with Studalf smoking splints.
"How do you think tonight will be....oooo what a nice as....anyway, as
I was saying, what a night it shall be."
Studalf raised as eyebrow, sighed and said,
"You never have been the same since that adventure to Reading"
Albo giggled girlishly.
Studalf sighed again, but said nothing.

Everyone sat around silently, the atmosphere was definitely comatose,
and many hobbits were too far gone in sleep to be revived by their
comrades. Albo's five hour long speech (finally) drew to a
close...
"I'm leaving now, Goodbye" shouted Albo, waking up some of the younger
hobbits who slept lightly.
With that he disappeared (literally)
Everyone clapped and cheered, the noise was deafening (everyone hoped
he wouldn't return). They began the feeding frenzy.

After a few hours of eating (hobbits have surprisingly large appetites
for such small creatures) Studalf decided to liven things up a bit and
set off some fireworks.
Big explosions and flames shot across the sky, Studalf was in his
moment.

Suddenly, Studalf noticed that a firework was missing, it was a small
pink one that made the biggest explosion, he was saving that one
especially for a big bang later on that evening in the fields.

An extremely large explosion ripped across the sky. Hobbits dove for
cover and Studalf looked on in horror as his favourite firework
disappeared before his eyes!
He was not best pleased at what just happened.
"Oh no!! I'm on fire!! My feet are on fire!! Ahhh they're melting!! My
feet are melting!!! Help me!" Shrieked Katbin as she ran around the
field trying to put out her hairy feet.
Cazwise Gamgee detached herself from the crowd and ran after Katbin
with a bucket of water. When she eventually caught up with her, she
deposited the contents of the bucket over Katbin's head.
"I'm wet! How rude!!"
Suddenly Studalf's attention was drawn to two char grilled figures,
limping away. He lunged, broom in hand, and quick a swipe at their
feet, he hauled them up by their collars.
"Emilyadoc Brandybuck, and Alexagrin Took, I might have known" Studalf
sighed.
"now what shall we do with you too, hmmm?" Studalf couldn't keep the
hint of glee out of his voice. Emily and Alex exchanged looks of
dread.
"AH!" Studalf exclaimed
Studalf whispered to the two hobbits, with a large grin on his
face.
"What?!?!" shrieked Alex "No! NOT THAT!"
"I am not going to do that!" Shouted Emily
"Oh you're not are you?!?"

(Scene changes quickly with Studalf grinning evilly, screen fades
out)

A few people saw Emily and Alex limping off to their homes a few hours
later, they won't recount how they looked. Studalf made for Albo's
home.
Albo opened the door to his home, and gasped in horror at the sight
that confronted him! Someone had not switched the oven off and his
souffl? had now burnt to ashes. Albo sighed as he turned around and
gasped in shock at the sight that confronted him! Studalf was sitting
by the fire, casually smoking splints.
'How did you get here? I left before you!'
'I'm a wizard' replied Studalf mysteriously.
'But, how?' pursued Albo.
'How long does it take you to walk home?! I've been sitting here for
close on two hours now! Even after I sorted out those two, young
hobbits!' Countered Studalf.
'What were you doing that took you so long anyway?' He continued.
'Oh, you don't want to know' giggled Albo.
'No, really, tell me!'
'Oh, ok then, there was this GORGEOUS, young guy ca?.'
'No, you're right, I don't want to know!' Interrupted Studalf.
'Oh, but?' Albo trailed off dejectedly.
'So then Albo my friend, you really are leaving then.'
'Yes Studalf, I'm tired of this place! I want to see Reading again, I
have to go!'
'Oh, Ok' Studalf returned to his splint.
Albo sighed, he'd be hoping for an argument.
'Oh, are you leaving everything to Katbin?' asked Studalf.
'Well, nearly everything, I'm keeping the foot for myself'
'No! You must give the foot to Katbin! Why are you keeping that?'
'It's mine! My precious, not hers!'
'I think you should give the foot up, Albo, you've had it far to long
as it is!'
'No, I know what you want! You want the foot for yourself!'
'Albo Baggins, this broom is not just for show and sweeping floors! It
is used for hitting stupid hobbits around their heads!
KLUNK
Albo rubbed his head absently.
'Fine' he sighed 'I'll give to Katbin'
'I knew you'd see it my way' beamed Studalf.

(Some time later?)

'Goodbye Albo, until we meet again!' Shouted Studalf.
'Ah, Katbin, I take it the party's finished, hmmm?'
'Yes, it was quite fun really' Katbin paused 'what was wrong with Emily
and Alex?'
'Ah, there is something's young hobbits shouldn't do. There is also
something's young hobbits shouldn't ask! This is one of them.'
'Oh, ok, where is Uncle Albo going?'
Studalf shrugged absently
'Somewhere, hopefully far away.'
'Hey what do you mean?'
'Albo has left you? everything, including his house, and? the foot!'
Said Studalf
'Now Katbin, I have to go, I have to find something out, I'll be back,
but until then, keep the foot safe and don't tell anyone of it!'
With that, Studalf left and was not seen for a few months.

(Few months later)

Katbin sat at home, she did not like smoking splints so she sat and
drank tea. Suddenly, the door burst open and Studalf strode in.
'Where is it? Give me the Foot!'
Katbin searched around until she found the foot,
'Ah, here it is.'
Studalf snatched the foot out of her hand and flung it on the
fire.
'Hey, What are you doing?!' Shrieked Katbin.
Studalf refused to answer, and sat watching as the foot was consumed by
the flames.
'Um, Studalf, the foots burning'
'Oh, damn!'
Studalf pulled the cremated foot from the fire, but it was too late.
The foot was ashes.
Studalf muttered incoherently to himself for awhile, before?
'Hmmm, what's this now?'
A small ring of bone was all that remained of the foot.
'Ahhh' exclaimed Studalf. 'Oh, Damn!'
He turned to Katbin.
'I'm afraid that this is the foot of the dark Lady, Saran. She made
this foot in the cracks of physics. It is filled with all her dark
power, which will make the wearer succumb to Saran's evil.'
'Oh my, what am I going to do?' asked Katbin.
'Well? you'll probably die now, and it's going to be really
painful.'
'How rude! Isn't there anything I can do?'
'Well, normally I'd say yes. However the gates of Waingels have opened
and the Nine have gone forth. Even now they search for the foot. They
are probably in Woodley seeking you as we speak'
'Oh, who are the Nine?' inquired Katbin.
'Now remember what I said about questions that shouldn't be
asked.'
'You don't know, do you Studalf' She accused.
'Shut up! Anyway you have to leave. Go to the Elves, they maybe short,
but they can protect you more than anyone else that walks upon this
Earth. Search for Rivendell, Timrond will protect you. Now I have to
go'
'But!' interrupted Katbin.
'I must seek the head of my order, Beamoman the white; he'll know what
to do! Katbin, I'll meet you in the Inn called the Checkers, in the
county of Waitrose. Good luck Katbin, I think you'll need it!'
'How ru?'
There was a rustling in the bushes?.

In one quick stride Studalf was at the window. He peered out into the
darkness. The bushes rustled again. In one swift movement, he swung his
broom down into the foliage.
KLUNK
'Owww!' a voice cried out from below.
Studalf reached down, hauled a figure through the window and flung them
on to the floor.
'Cazwise Gamgee! What were you doing? Listening to a private
conversation no doubt!' Cried Studalf.
'No, I wasn't Mr Studalf Sir! I was....errrr....cutting the hedge....'
Caz trailed off
'What did you hear?!' shouted Studalf
'Nothing much, just a bit about the Dark Lady, a Foot and the end of
the world but please Mr Studalf Sir, don't turn me into a frog or
something, please!' She whimpered
'Hmmm? What to do with you? I wonder....'Studalf thought to himself for
a little bit.
Caz looked extremely worried. Katbin tried to cheer her up and
attempted a monkey hoot, but Caz looked more upset than before so
Katbin stopped.
'Ah hah! I know, Caz! We'll take you on our adventure!'
Katbin's face broke into a large grin, Caz looked like she was going to
cry.

'Come along now Caz, keep up!' shouted Studalf, who had noticed that
Caz was lagging behind.
Caz was muttering under her breath about stupid wizards. She wondered
if she made a run for it, would Studalf drag her back. A quick glance
at Studalf dispersuaded her of this notion. She sighed again. Katbin
fell in beside her.
'Oh well, at least I have Master Katbin with me' thought Caz to
herself.

'Right, I'm sorry Katbin, Caz but I've got to go now, I'll meet you in
Waitrose, remember the inns called Checkers. Do you want me to write
that down for you?' Studalf said.
'No thank you, we're fine!' said Katbin. Caz just grumbled about
wizards some more.
Studalf stared at Caz for awhile, then bent down and whispered
something in her ear. Then he patted her on the shoulder and mounted
his horse.
'Goodbye, my friends, until the Checkers!'
And with that, he was gone.
Katbin grinned at Caz, and then they trudged on to the growing
darkness.

It was about noon the next day, when Caz realised something was wrong.
She had left her fire burning in the grate at home. As an after thought
she also realised, she was alone.
"Master Katbin?' She cried.
A couple of monkey hoots sounded out from nearby. Suddenly there was a
wild barking, and two things fell onto of her.
'Hi Caz'
'Hey!'
'Emily?! Alex?! What are...' Caz began to ask.
Just then Katbin appeared through the bushes.
'Watch out, It's Mr Prickett! Run!'
All four ran for their lives as the man began to chase them with a
block of plywood.
'I'll have you Emily and Alex, You didn't listen to my bad jokes! You
left before I could tell you them. Don't run away! Come back!'
With a startled, terror-filled shriek, Alex and Emily grabbed Caz and
Katbin, and fled into the bushes.
Then the ground gave out below them and they fell down a slope.
They landed on the road, on a pile of leaves. Caz grumbled about stupid
hobbits for a while before Alex said she was sorry and was
forgiven.
Everyone sat around and talked. Katbin stood up and looked up the
road.
'I think we should get off the road, and do a dance'
The others looked at Katbin strangely so she withdrew the last
statement. A shriek rang down the path, and everyone looked up
startled.
'GET OFF THE ROAD! Please.' Shouted Katbin.
They dove behind a brick wall (conveniently placed) and none too soon.
A figure dressed in black appeared and hissed through its teeth.
'Wooodleeeyyyy...Bagggiinnnssssss' it whispered.
Katbin fought the impulse to put on the ring
' Oh but I don't like accessories, but it looks so nice...' she thought
as she unwillingly drew it out.
A sharp hiss sounded from above and the dreadful creature began to
sniff around the wall. Emily threw a stone and the creature
disappeared.
'What was that Katbin? It made my flesh crawl.' Alex whispered.
'That thing was looking for something, or someone.' Emily said.
'I need to leave, Emily, now! I must get to the Checkers!'
Emily and Alex exchanged worried glances
'Come on then, the Headley Road river! Follow me'

They trudged through the countryside until night had fallen. Katbin was
beginning to feel quite excited, all this sneaking about in the dark.
She was about to do a few joyful moos when a black figure appeared out
of nowhere.
'Run"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'
'Quick follow me'
They all ran for the bridge, the rider just behind them. It shrieked
and called out into the darkness as the hobbits jumped onto the boat.
As they floated away, it sat there gazing at them, before attempting to
jump onto the boat. Unfortunately the horse didn't like water and threw
it into the river. Just before impact, a horrible shriek sounded
'Don't forget: Follow the Mark scheme.'
Before a large splash was heard and that particular rider was not seen
for some time. (probably it will reappear in the next part. As we are
the writers you can expect this!)

A few hours later found them at the Checkers. They ordered drinks each
and sat in the corner.
'Master Katbin, that one, in the corner, he's been watching you for the
last hour now.' whispered Caz.
Katbin turned to stare and the innkeeper bent down next to her.
'Don't stare! He's a bad one that is. We don't know his real name, but
round 'ere, he's called...Bryder.''
Katbin looked at the man again, he didn't move.
After a few drinks, Katbin was willing to do anything. She decided to
stand on a table and do the hula and although she didn't have her
coconut bra or her grass skirt, she was sure her audience wouldn't
mind. So, up she jumped, and to her extreme annoyance, the crowd hissed
and booed at her.
'How rude' she said crossly.
Someone bumped into the table and knocked it, and her flying. In a
panic, she grasped the ring, and it strangely slipped onto her
finger.
At once the world around her faded to black, white and grey. A strange
monkey shriek filled the air. In a panic Katbin crawled under a table
and pulled the ring off her finger. She breathed for a few seconds and
was about to escape when a firm grip hauled her upwards.
'I suppose you think that was funny? You have to learn to be a lot more
careful!' And with that, the stranger pushed her upstairs.
When they were upstairs, alone, in a room, the man pulled his hood back
and stared at Katbin. She fidgeted nervously.
'Do you know of what you carry?' he said grimly.
'I carry nothing' Katbin whispered.
'Oh really? I can go about unseen, but no one I know can disappear into
thin air!'
He paused 'We mus...'
There was a scratching by the door, and Bryder, for that was the
mysterious stranger, drew his sword.
Caz, Emily and Alex burst in armed with chairs, spoons and other
assorted blunt objects.
'I'll take you! I'll beat you up! Come on then!' Screamed Alex. Emily
tried to hold her back.
Bryder looked surprised. After a slight pause he burst out
laughing.
'You! Beat up, Me?!'
He continued to laugh.
'You couldn't beat up a soggy sandwich, you're too short! Sit down
before you hurt yourself, and keep quiet or I will!' he
continued.
With a furious cry, Alex wrenched herself out of Emily's grasp and
launched herself at Bryder. After beating him senseless with a chair,
she screamed a ferocious battle cry and poked him in the neck. Bryder
collapsed to the floor and Alex straddled him, and mercilessly began to
tickle him!
'Ow! Oi! ....Arg! HELP! Help me!...please!!' he cried.
Emily, Katbin and Caz rushed to his aid and pulled Alex off him. He was
looking at Alex with a terror-filled expression. Alex was still
struggling with the others to be free, and attack again.
Bryder stood up slowly and said hesitantly
'Errr.... I'm sorry.....Let's be friends... Ok?'
Alex relaxed and the others let go of her.
'Sure!' cried Alex. She flashed him an innocent grin. Bryder smiled in
relief.
'Come young friends, sit down.' he said.
Slowly, they drifted to chairs.
'So..um what's you're name?' asked Emily.
'Round here I'm known as Bryder, but' he paused '...But, my real name
is Jamragon.'
'Oh, ok, I'm Emily, this is Alex, Katbin, she's Caz.' Emily
stated.
Caz was staying out of the way. She was seated alone in a corner.
Jamragon grinned as the hobbits continued to chatter.

Katbin awoke as a loud shriek filled the air. She looked over at the
window. Jamragon was silhouetted against the night sky. The four
hobbits arose and stood behind him, gazing as five black riders sped
off into the night.
'What...What are they?' Asked Alex.
Jamragon sighed.
'They were men once, but they were taken in by the rings of power and
became slaves to Saran's will. They are shades of their former selves.'
he replied.
As if in answer to Jamragon's statement, a shriek filled the air.
'But...what...' Emily began.
'They are the Teachers! Ringwraiths. They are filled with evil and will
stop at nothing to bring the ring to Saran. They are led by one, the
most evil of the Nine. She was a great queen once, known as the
Witch-Queen, Mrs Wood!'
Again he paused, before looking at the hobbits kindly.
'Get some sleep, we leave at first light.'

'Where are we going Master Katbin' Asked Caz.
'To Rivendell Mistress Caz, to Rivendell! There we'll meet Timrond, a
king among Elves.' Replied Jamragon.

They only stopped once they had reached The Just Tiles
roundabout.
'I'm going to leave you alone and unprotected on this hill for a while.
You can be seen for miles around, so go to sleep. Then something can
creep up on you unexpectedly and you won't know until they begin to
kill you. Ok? Bye!'
And with a sweep of his cloak, Jamragon disappeared into the darkness.
The hobbits looked at each other uncertainly.

Katbin awoke to the smell of sausages. Turning round she gasped in
horror.
'Oh no you fools! You don't cook sausages like that! They'll burn! Do
it like this!
She took over control of the frying pan from Emily and glanced out into
the black. Five black figures were walking towards her! Katbin
screamed.
The four raced to the top of the hill and stood back to back and
trembled in fear.
Suddenly the five figures in black appeared. (Que scary music)
'Get back' screamed Katbin ' or I'll hit you with my ugly stick!'
The figures continued to advance.
'Get back or...' Emily paused ' ...we'll... Set Alex on you!'
'Hey!' cried Alex indignatly.
The black riders paused, and looked at each other.
The largest figure shrieked and all at once, they resumed their
advance.
Caz, who was feeling brave, rushed at the nearest one with her frying
pan. She did get one good whack at the Black figure, before it threw
her flying through the air. She landed with a thud and a small pink
detention slip fluttered down beside her.
Alex and Emily gulped before attacking the figures. Within seconds,
they too were lying unconscious on the floor, pink slips also on their
chests.
Katbin began to panic.
'Oh dear'
The first figure motioned to three of the others and they turned,
swords drawn to the dazed hobbits on the floor.
Fortunately for them, Katbin thought up a plan!
She pulled the ring out of her pocket and held it aloft.
'Look here you big, ugly things, here's the ring!'
At once, all five turned to Katbin and began to advance
Now quite foolishly Katbin had hoped to put the ring on, disappear and
escape. Unfortunately, that was not what happened. Suddenly she was
confronted with the awful sight of the uncovered teachers! She
recognised them from hobbit horror tales told to frighten the
young.
Mrs Wood, the Witch-Queen, Mrs Gold, Miss Kelly, Mrs Allen and Mrs
Venning! Strange monkey hoots filled the air and Katbin began to
retreat. Then, Mrs Woods's soft evil voice hissed out from between the
gap of her teeth.
'Give usss the ring!'
'BOG OFF!' Screamed Katbin.
Mrs Wood's angry shriek filled the air. She drew her sword and aimed
for Katbin's heart. Luckily, Mrs Wood is a really bad aim without her
fishbowl glasses, and only stabbed Katbin in the shoulder.
Just then, Jamragon appeared, and with his sword, beat the foul
teachers back and away from the roundabout.
Katbin pulled off the ring in time to see the five figures disappear.
Suddenly Mrs Wood stopped, and turned to Alex!
'Do pages 12-45 as French homework. I expect to see it tomorrow
morning!' she shrieked.
Alex screamed and Jamragon rushed after Mrs Wood.
She left shrieking
'By tomorrow, Or ELSE!!!'

'Alex, are you ok?' asked Jamragon.
Alex shuddered
'She was awful' she replied.
Jamragon nodded grimly.
'HELLO!!! I'm hurt over here! How rude, You just ignored me!' shouted
Katbin rather crossly.
The others all rushed over to her.
'She's been stabbed by a Waingel's blade, forged in the depths of CDT.
I'm sorry but this is beyond my skill to heal! She'll probably die now.
Sorry!' stated Jamragon sadly.
'Can't we do anything?!' asked Caz desperately.
'The Elves might be able to help her, but they're six days away,
because you lot walk slowly! And anyway, the Teachers are still out
there!' replied Jamragon.
'Will you quit it with the depressive statements!' Shouted Alex.
'Sorry'
Jamragon picked Katbin up.
'Right, if you lot walk quicker we can get there in around an
hour!'
'Oh' said Emily 'I didn't realise we were THAT slow!'
Jamragon turned to Caz.
'Do you know those apple trees we passed on the way'
'Yes! Will they help Katbin?'
'No, I'm hungry, but if you see a small plant called athelas, with
small white flowers, that will help to slow the poison.'
'POISON?!'
'Yeah, she's becoming like them, a teacher!'
Katbin began to murmur.
'Be quiet class....Do all your homework....Detention!'
Emily shuddered involuntary.

They walked for a long time until Jamragon noticed the Athelas plant.
Setting Katbin down on the ground, he began to hack away at the
stem.
'What's this? A hobbit, on the ground!'
Jamragon turned to see a young Elf woman crouching over Katbin.
'Hi!'
She looked up sharply.
'What's wrong with her?'
'She was stabbed by the teachers! She's quite far gone already.'
'Oh dear' The woman stated.
She paused.
'If you can get her to my father Timrond Half-Elven, my people can help
her.'
She turned back to Katbin
'It's ok. I'm Larwen. We'll help you!'
'In 1295 a terrible pl....The land of Woodley lies close to....Do your
work in silence!'
'It is worse than I thought! I must ride or we'll lose her! You stay
here Jamragon, and look after the other hobbits.' Said Larwen.
'But the Teachers, you can't fight them alone!'
'I always do my homework on time and get close to 100\% on exams. I
can! If I get passed the ford, we'll be Ok'
'Fine then Larwen, ride hard, don't look back!'
She mounted the horse that appeared from nowhere and began to ride
away.
'HEY! YOU FORGOT KATBIN!' shouted Jamragon.
'Oppps!'

Larwen and Katbin crashed through the undergrowth. The teachers were
just behind her.
Mrs Gold's fingers reached out beseechingly to Katbin.
'Join us, become a student teacher! Think of all that power. Over all
IT!'
'Or French!' added Mrs Wood.
'Bog...off...' whispered Katbin weakly.
The teachers shrieked
'Larwen have you revised for your exams tomorrow? Or done your
homework?'
'Yes I have and I didn't have any problems! When will you take it
in?'
This caught the teachers unawares. A good student? They didn't know
what to do! Using their confusion, Larwen sped away.

Larwen crossed the river, and stood watching the teachers cross.
'Give us the hobbit, we'll give you an A*'
'If you want her, just cross the river and get her!'
'No, you come here'
'Damn' thought Larwen, 'unless they cross the river, that cool, water
thing, that we Elves can do, won't work!'
Suddenly, Larwen had an idea.
'School sucks!' she screamed out across the water.
With a shriek of fury, Mrs Wood plunged into the icy waters, the rest
of the teachers close behind.
There was a rumbling noise in the distance, but the teachers took no
heed. How dare this girl not like their subjects! The rumbling noise
grew closer and Mrs Woods's toes began to get wet, but still, she
didn't care. She'd show this impudent Elf, she'd give her so much
detention; her great-great grandchildren would still be kept behind.
That is a VERY long time as Elves live forever!
The loud, rumbling noise turned into a torrent of water. The water was
filled with thousands of killer swans! The flood swept the teachers
away, whilst taking all the spare change out of their pockets! (And
they weren't seen until we can be bothered to write the two towers
spoof!)
'You don't like school?! Detention' whimpered Katbin.
'NO!' Shrieked Larwen 'Not now, Katbin. Don't give in!'
Katbin's world went black....

Studalf rode up to M+Ws. This was the place the wizard council
met.
'Oh my, the hour is late indeed if Studalf the Grey rides to M+Ws to
ask MY advice! What's wrong, still don't understand the difference
between speed and velocity? Its quite simple, speed is...'
'I'm sorry Beamoman, but I have to know something else! You've seen
sawdust rising from CDT haven't you? Then you must know we're in
trouble' Interrupted Studalf.
'Oh, yes, yes. Saran searches for the one foot, but no one knows where
it is, so we're ok!'
Beamoman paused.
'He does know where the one ring is, doesn't he!' he sighed 'Who has
it!!!'
'A hobbit friend of mine, Katbin Baggins. Right under my nose too!'
Studalf began to laugh.
'Well, it is big enough, but perhaps if you'd listened to me when I
said "Don't smoke splints" You'd be Ok, instead of the bumbling idiot
you are now!' Beamoman paused 'Where is Katbin now?' he added
slyly.
'Oh, she's at Checkers, or will be soon'
A flash of triumph passed over Beamoman's face.
'But anyway, we still have time left, especially if we act quickly!'
continued Studalf.
'The hour is later than you think Studalf the stupid!'
'Hey!' cried Studalf.
'The teachers were seen on the road to Checkers just recently. They
will take the foot to Saran and kill your stupid hobbit friend!' said
Beamoman.
'Oh, it's not a foot anymore! I kind of burnt it...a little....now it's
a ring!' said Studalf.
Beamoman sighed.
'You just can get the help these days'
'Right, Studalf, will you please go upstairs into a room with no
windows and one door and fetch something for me? Ignore the fact it's a
cell, I keep....important things in there!'
'Yep, sure' replied Studalf.
Studalf stupidly skipped into the cell, humming loudly to himself. He
ignored the fact that the door slammed shut behind him. He thought
nothing of the triumphant chuckle behind the door and the sound of a
key turning in the lock. He happily walked over to the object (we can't
think of anything for the object to be, leave us alone!). He walked
back to the door and tried to turn the handle. Nothing happened.
'Hmmmm?.Must be rusted'
He tried again, but still nothing happened.
'The rust on these doors is atrocious! Doesn't anyone clean
them?'
He kept trying.
Beamoman found this funny for the first hour. Slightly annoying for the
second, and finally, damn well irritating for the third!
'It's locked to twit! You can't open it! Stop trying, the sound is
grating on my nerves!' he shouted through the door at Studalf.
'Nope, I'm sure it's just rusted. Give me a minute and I'll be
free!'
With a furious cry, Beamoman walked away to put cotton wool in his
ears. The banging went on into the night.

(End flashback- for it was one!)
Studalf sat in a chair at the house of Timrond, smoking splints again.
He was by the bed of Katbin. Softly he jumped up and did the Macarena.
This woke Katbin.
'Ahhhhh! I had this awful nightmare! I wanted to be a student teacher!'
she shuddered.
'It wasn't a nightmare, but thanks to the help of Timrond, you're
fine!'
Timrond 'appeared' behind them and beamed a large grin.

A little while later Katbin was rejoined by the other hobbits. After
hugs and.... more hugs (?) they sat down to eat.
'I don't like apples!' said Alex.
'Elves do, so just eat it!' said a passing Elf.
Delicately, Alex bit in to the apple, and then grimaced.
'I don't like apples!'
Jamragon appeared behind them.
'Elves are great; they live in two worlds at once' he beamed 'the Seen,
and the Unseen!'
'Hmph! 'said a passing Dwarf 'That's probably got something to do with
those mushrooms they're always eating!'
'You have to watch out for Elves' said another Dwarf to the hobbits '
they're on Prozac or something, they're ALWAYS cheerful! It damn
unnatural!' he sighed before he and his friend walked off.

Timrond sat in the centre of the circle. To his left sat a row of
Elves. To his right, a row of Dwarves (they refused to sit next to the
Elves) and in the middle, the race of men.
Timrond cleared his throat and the Elves and Dwarves stopped eviling
each other and turned to him expectantly.

'I have summoned you here, people of the earth, friends of old, to help
decide the future of us all. The one foot, the foot of Saran has been
brought here by a band of very brave hobbits. Katbin, please show the
council? the foot!' He motioned to the table in front of him.
Reluctantly, Katbin rose and walked over to the table. She placed the
ring on the table, and returned to her seat.
'That's not a foot! It's a ring!' Someone cried.
'Well, yes, it is a ring. But, it WAS the foot. Unfortunately SOMEONE
(!!!) burned it, now we won't mention any names' said Timrond looking
at Studalf.
Studalf looked rather sheepish and cleared his throat.
'Anyway' continued Timrond 'someone, needs to take the ring to the
cracks of Physics in Waingel's and destroy the foot, I mean
Ring!'
(Silence.)
'Why in Waingels? Let's just destroy it here.'
A Dwarf rushed at the ring, Axe drawn.
'NOOOOOOOO!!!!' shouted Timrond.
The Dwarf brought his axe down onto the ring. The ring shattered in to
a million pieces.
'Damn!' said the Dwarf 'I didn't think it would break! I just thought
it would be all shocking and show the power of the ring!' (We would end
it now, but We want to torment you some more. We accept bribes for
changing your character, but they have to be pretty big! Also send any
praise to the authors!!!! That's both of us mind! Also, we also accept
death-threats! Although we cannot ensure your safety if you do, Stu is
really quiet good with a broom in real life, and Kat can use a bow
quite well!)
'Pilmi, please, sit down!' said Timrond wearily.
Pilmi returned to his seat, grumbling. A few Elves laughed at
him.
Suddenly, Terminator-like, the ring turned to liquid and
'globbed'(we've invented a word!) together, and formed the shape of a
foot. Then like a under-cooked souffl?, it flopped into the ring
again.
Shock rippled through the council.
'Like I said, The ring can only be destroyed in the Cracks of Physics
in the depths of Waingel's! Who will take it there?'
(More silence)
Suddenly a young man (yes we mean Man! Neither Elf nor Dwarf! Man!).
Why destroy it? We can use it to destroy Saran! With the ring we will
be unstoppable! We'll destroy the Dark Lady and then we'll have no
problems!'
'Have you listened to nothing Timrond just said? The ring must be
destroyed! It is stupid to think otherwise.' A female Elf said.
'I agree with Katolas' said Jamragon, looking at the Elf 'Eventually
the ring will turn you to evil, you will become a slave to Saran's
will!'
'Then what do you suggest?' shouted a Dwarf.
'Do I have to repeat myself' said Timrond 'Or perhaps you didn't
understand the first time? Go?To?.Waingel's. Destroy?Ring? Understand?'
said Timrond sarcastically.
'Who will go, I'd rather do Morris dancing with Albo, than see the ring
in the hands of an Elf' (if you're wondering how Pilmi knows Albo,
Pilmi's dad was on Albo's trip to Reading. He knows from experience the
horrors of Morris dancing with Albo)
Albo pops out of nowhere.
'Who wanted to do Morris dancing?' He said eagerly.
'No one Albo, It's ok! You may go' said Timrond hastily.
'Albo!' Said Katbin 'What are you doing here? Bog off! This is a
private meeting!'
Albo walked off sobbing to himself.
Meanwhile the Elves had jumped up and were arguing with the Dwarves.
Just then, the insult dawned on Studalf, who was again smoking splints.
He leapt to his feet and joined the shouting.
The shouting quickly descended to violence and Timrond was attempting
to hold a very vicious Katolas back from ripping out Pilmi's beard and
'tash with her bare hands!
'Right, Look, I've had enough of this' said Timrond 'right, Katbin
you'll take the ring to the cracks of physics and possibly you're
death! You'll take the rest of those hobbit-things with you as they're
creepy and shorter than us. You can HAVE that Dwarf, we don't want him!
No, don't argue! Take Studalf as well, he's quite smart when he's not
smoking splints.' Studalf groaned in the background. Timrond sighed
before continuing 'Take Jamragon, 'cos he's?gonna be king one day, and
he thinks he's important. Look, just take him! Humour him! Please for
our sake! Oh yeah, take Jaromir, he can survive anything! (you'll find
out why later!)
Timrond finished. He looked expectantly at the others.
'Aren't?.we gonna have an Elf?' asked Studalf.
'What, you want me?to give you sorry lot one of MY people?!' replied
Timrond.
'They're not that great!' muttered Pilmi!
'I'll go' said a voice from behind a load of Elves.
'Timrond sighed.
'Fine take Katolas. Please try to bring her back in one piece, she's a
princess from Ashenbury and her mothers kind of scary!'
'Fine, you shall be?The Fellowship Of The Foot' Said Timrond proudly.
Then he paused
'?Ring?.thingy. Whatever?Look just go! Get out! Go do your quest
thing!'
With that, Timrond turned and left. The fellowship stood there looking
at each other.
'Right, let's go' said Studalf cheerfully and began to skip out of the
gates.
Pilmi began to follow, but with a strangled cry, he fell over.
'Who did that? Admit it' He glared at all of them but no one said
anything. Katolas looked around 'innocently'.
'Uhhh nobbish!' he said before following Studalf.
The Fellowship set out to Waingel's!
They had now been walking for a few days.
'We're approaching the beginning of Woodford Park' said Jamragon.
'The land of the Endless fields!' said Jaromir ominously.
He dropped back to talk to the hobbits.
'To the west lies the fair land of Ambleside. My father is the Steward,
he's a great man! One day I will take you to see the great city' he
said kindly.
'How cool!' said Katbin.
'I've seen it before' said Katolas from behind.
'When?' asked Jaromir.
'It wasn't that long ago actually' she mused 'only about 500 years
ago'
She grinned and cocked an arrow.
'I thought it was quite pretty' and with that, she fired.
THUNK
'Stop it!' shouted Pilmi from the front.
'I don't know who that was, but if I find out! I'll....hit you with my
axe.'
Emily began to laugh.
'Damn!' Katolas replied 'My arrows aren't piercing his helmet! I wonder
what its made of?'
'Why do you want to hurt him? Do you hate him that much?'
'He's a dwarf' interrupted Jamragon 'All Elves and Dwarves hate each
other!'
'Why?' asked Katbin.
'Remember what I said about asking questions which shouldn't be asked'
called in Studalf from the front.
'You know what I said to that!' shouted Katbin.
Studalf turned around.
'Ok, I don't know! Ok?! I don't know anything but I say things
mysteriously to make you think I'm smart! Happy?!'
With that he turned back and began muttering about stupid Hobbits and
crazy Elves. After a few minutes of mindless muttering with Pilmi, they
both lit up splints, to calm their nerves.
Katolas cocked another arrow.
'Aim for the same place' said Emily helpfully.
'Emily!!!' said Alex. 'You can't say that!'
Katolas grinned.
THUNK
'DAMMIT!!!! STOP IT!!! IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!'
Katolas drew another arrow out of her quiver.

When they stopped for the night, they were half-way up the largest
mountain in Woodford, Woodhras.
Pilmi and Jaromir went to get some more water, and had some how been
persuaded by Alex to get everyone some. Katolas took this opportunity
to find out what Pilmi's helmet was made of.
'Why has it got lots of holes in it?' asked Emily.
'Dwarves have hard heads' replied Katolas cryptically.
When Jaromir returned, he decided to teach the hobbits how to
fight.
'Alex already knows how to!' shouted out Jamragon. He winced at the
memory.
Jaromir smiled, and proceeded to teach Alex more about poking. Caz
proved to be deadly with a frying pan, and Emily with a sword. Alex
however proved best at hand-to-hand combat.

There was a furious yell in the middle of the night. A small axe lay
embedded in the ground.
'What's wrong Pilmi?' asked Katbin.
'Elves sleep light' he replied cryptically.
Katolas voice whispered out from the distance.
'Studalf, can you hear that?'
'What?!' he shouted back.
Suddenly they all heard it, a loud booming cry echoed over the land in
a weird strange accent.
'It's Beamoman!' cried Studalf 'He's trying to bring down the mountain
against us!'
They waited. Nothing happened.
'I said he was trying!'

Meanwhile at M+Ws, Beamoman's 'pad', he had given up trying to make a
storm on Woodhras.
'I'll set your beard on fire, Studalf!'
Studalf shrugged.
'I need a haircut, anyway scissors, flames what's the difference? Oh,
yeah and if it burns you get those cool black bits round the edges
and'
'Shut up!' shouted Beamoman.
He lunged for Studalf with his meter rule (equivalent to Studalf's
broom). He missed. Studalf is quite quick when he has to be! (and he
was on a mountain far away, this also played a massive part in
it)
'Studalf, I shall demonstrate my magnificent power! Behold the power of
gravity!'
A blue mini metro appeared over Studalf's head.
'Damn' muttered Studalf.
The blue mini metro began to fall, but Emily pulled him away just in
time.
'Damnit, you nearly broke my broom! Here see my power'
Then a big hand appeared and poked Beamoman in the shoulder.
Beamoman was defeated!

'Right, I'm bored!' said Studalf, who was feeling quite full of
himself!
'Let's go through the mines of the Airfield!' He grinned happily at the
others. Strangely, this new idea didn't excite them that much!
'Oh, c'mon you wimps, let's have some fun!'
'I don't really want to...'
'No way are you gettin...'
'Oh, No' said Studalf evily. In one swift move, he lept and prodded
everyone.
All collapsed save Katolas.
'I said.... No way are you getting me into THAT place!'
Studalf stared in shock. His best move didn't work on the damn
Elf!
A large grin grew on Studalf's beareded face.
KLUNK
Katolas collapsed, a large lump forming on her head. Studalf polished
his broom affectionatly.

When they all awoke, it was dark.
'Where are we Studalf?' asked Katbin worriedly.
'In Airfield!' came the gleeful reply.
'Ow! You stepped on my foot!'
'Sorry'
'Sorry'
'Ouch!'
Then someone touched Katbin in a very exciting place.
'Oh Matron!' she yelled 'Stop that, my ears are very ticklish'
'Ow!'
This continued on for sometime.

'Emilyadoc, I do wish you would keep your hands out of my beard!'
'Hey I'm here with Jaromir' shouted Emily from the back.
Studalf fumbled around for a while in his mass of hair'
'Ah hah!' he yelled as he pulled Alex out from the matt!
'I thought I was gonna die!' shouted Alex.
Jamragon began to laugh.
'Shut up!' she yelled.
'Studalf, what's that awful looking creature?' asked Katbin. The
Fellowship turned to look. A hideous monster crept along the ledge
towards them. It had a fat round body, two slimy hands, bulging eyes
and swayed 'seductivly' when it waddled towards them. As it drew
nearer, the stench of Twix's became overpowering, until Emily picked up
a stone and lobbed it at her.
'That, my friends is the creature Christian. She's searching for the
ring'
Hissing, Christian dissappeared into the dark...

They reached a secret door off the main passage. A note was pinned to
the door.
'Dear Pilmi, I'm not here right now, I'm out with Steve, see you soon
love Sal.
P.S watch out for killer chipclowns. If you hear a drum roll, RUN!
Unless you're reading this message. Then you can't get out!'
Everyone looked at each other. Studalf shrugged and resumed the march
across Airfield. Hesitantly, the others followed'

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!' The scream echoed through the
corridors of Airfield.
Studalf turned around furiously.
'Fool of a Took!' he said. 'What do you think you're doing?!'
'Something touched me' whispered Alex fearfully.
Jaromir moved closer to her. She looked up and grinned at him.
(Que drum roll)
'We can't get out!' Shouted Pilmi.
'Quick, into that room over there! We can lock the doors!' shouted
Studalf.
Jaromir and Jamragon began pulling the doors shut behind the. Katolas
brought up a pole so that the chipclowns couldn't open the doors.
'Damn!' shouted Jaromir 'they have a troll with them!'
They backed away from the door and drew their weapons.
They heard the terrible scratching of chipclowns and then suddenly,
hoards of the foul rodents burst through the door.

They proceeded to hack their way through the masses of chipclowns.
Katolas' bow sang and the KLUNK from Studalf's broom was deafening. The
other members participated in some form of melee over in different
corners (use your imagination! Do we have to do everything for
you?!)
BONK! Was the sound of Caz's frying pan on the heads of chipclowns.
Suddenly, Caz was faced with two scabby feet. With a resonating cry,
the troll plunged into their midst. It paused at two chipclowns, and
grabbed them. It stared for a second, then guzzled them both down,
drinking vast quantities of Vodka along with its chipclowny meal!
Smaking its lips, it stared at the Fellowship.
'Year 11!' It cried, and then, veins popping and tent skirt flapping it
attacked!
Katolas fired at its head, but its skin was too thick and the arrows
shattered. Jaromir ran up and hit a pillar with his sword, causing it
to fall, littering the floor with shards of stone. Immediately, the
troll turned to him and began angrily, making wild hand motions. Then
it swung its club at Jaromir's head. He dived just in time, but
unfortunately, the club knocked Katbin flying.
Wildly, Studalf waved the broom in it's general direction.
The troll picked up Studalf and was about to eat him, when Studalf
conjoured up a bottle of vodka. The troll grabbed it, patted Studalf on
the head (knocking him out) and ran over to Katbin.It must have thought
Katbin would be a very comftable chair, because it sat on her!
Emily and Alex jumped on the Trolls head, and began poking it with
their swords. The troll screamed and Katolas shot an arrow into it's
mouth. Gasping at her, it reaced out its veiny hand in an attempt to
squeeze the Elf, but Jaromir ran up and hacked away at its arm. With a
furious cry, it threw Emily and Alex of its head and ran toward Pilmi.
With one swipe of his axe, the trolls head flew across the room. They
had defeated the troll!
The loud chattering of angry chipclowns sounded in the passages
below.
'RUN!' shouted Studalf.

They fled to the Brigde of Anthian until suddenly they were surrounded.
All prepared to fight to the end (which looked pretty close) when a
deep rumbling sounded in the distance.
'What is it?' asked Jaromir as the Chipclowns fled in abject
terror.
Studalf tried to look wise and knowledgable, but failed.
'I dunno...' he mumbled.
'Studalf! Do you know ANYTHING?! You never know whats...' started
Katbin
'Shut up! Uh, No! Quiet!' interrupted Studalf.
Katolas perered into the darkness.
'AI! AI! SUTHIEN DRAS BALROG!!!' She screamed.
Studalf grabbed her and shook her quite violently. However this did
seem to calm her down until she could scream in English.
'AH! AH! A BALROG HAS COME! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! DEATH IS
CERTAIN!'
'Why?' asked Jamragon.
'RUN!' shouted Studalf.
And they did, Katolas quickly taking the lead.

When Studalf was half-way across the bridge, he halted. Turning he
prepared to face the demon creature.
The rumble grew to a roar, and the terrible creature stepped onto the
bridge. The fellowship gasped in fear...
The terrible creature stopped at the foot of the bridge. It stood,
wreathed in flame, wielding a flaming umbrella in its right 'hand' and
a whip in the left. Its body was as black as priests smock and you
could only just make out the man-like shape in the swirling fire.
Studalf stood patiently, the only sign of his nervousness was the fact
he was holding his broom in a death grip, and he looked like he was
going to run miles away. The creature stepped onto the bridge.
'RUN!' Studalf shouted to the Fellowship 'There is nothing more you can
do here!'
The creature roared, and cracked its whip against the bridge.
Studalf turned to the creature and held his broom aloft. A bright white
aura surrounded him, illuminating every corner of dark Airfield.
However, the shadows of the Balrog grew darker and blacker.
'You shall not pass!' shouted Studalf
'Why not? Give me two good reasons!' replied the Balrog.
Studalf paused.
'Ummm.....One my friends are over there and you'll probably eat them,
and...' Studalf thought for a minute.
'HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN GOD! IN FACT NONE OF US DO!' shouted Katolas
'Except perhaps for Albo, but he...'
'Did someone say my name?'
Albo mysteriously appeared from nowhere
'Does anyone want to do some Morris dancing?'
Pilmi walked up to Albo muttering about hobbits and Morris dancing,
picked him up and lobbed Albo at the Balrog.
'Ahhhhh, this jumper is dry clean only!!!' he shouted as he ran off
into the darkness, crying for his hobbit mother.
'Watch out for the Troll!' Katolas shouted at him.
The Balrog lay stunned on the other side of the bridge with a large
hobbit sized lump forming on its forehead. Studalf waited in the middle
of the bridge, trying to look patient.
'Now what did you go and do that for, Pilmi? I have been stood here for
ages waiting to get rid of this bloody Balrog!'
'I don't like him' stated Pilmi dryly.
While they waited for the Balrog to regain consciousness, they decided
to have a picnic. Katolas, however, refused and stood very far away
from the bridge and as near to the door as possible.
'Come on! Just leave it! Let's go!' she said fearfully.
'Katolas' sighed Emily 'It's only a Balrog!'
Katolas started in horror.
'Do you not know of what he does?!' cried Katolas. 'My people sing
tales of the Balrog's horrors! He will take from you every piece of
jewellery, save one pair of stud earrings! Your skirts cannot be too
short, or too long. Your shoes cannot have heels above 4 inches nor
your black trousers flared! He will even check to make sure your
underwear fits Balrog high uniform standards. No, Emily, I will not go
near him!'
'AND BLACK BRAS ARE FORBIDDEN, ELF!' cried the Balrog.
'Studalf stood up wearily.
'Ok people take your positions; this evil cannot be allowed to
endure'
'Yes! Every student should have the right to wear flared trousers and
high heels! They should have the right (!) to wear whatever colour
underwear they wish!' Cried Katbin proudly.
'HOBBIT! IF I FIND OUT THAT YOUR TROUSERS AREN'T SCHOOL EDITION
THERE'LL BE TROUBLE! I'LL INSPECT EVERY INCH OF YOUR BODY!' The Balrog
paused 'THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO ELF! YOUR PEOPLE ARE SUCH A NUSICANCE!
NEVER ATTIRED IN CORRECT UNIFORM!'
The Balrog stepped onto the bridge, trying to get to Katolas and
Katbin.
'You shall not pass!' yelled Studalf.
Growling, the Balrog drew his umbrella.
'I am a wizard! Wielder of the Broom of the Janitors closet, at the
back of M+W's! You cannot pass! The dark umbrella will not avail you,
Servant of God! Go back to Heaven whence you came! Are you listening to
me? I said you cannot pass!.... Don't push!' cried Studalf
KLUNK
'I said don't push!'
The Balrog rubbed its head and roared. Then it slammed its umbrella
into Studalf aura.
'Arggghhhhhh!' Cried Studalf. His Aura shattered, sending balls of
light scattering over the bridge.
'We're gonna die!' wailed Katolas.
'Pray, and God will forgive you!' said the Balrog none too
kindly.
'I...don't...believe...in ...GOD!' said Studalf.
The Balrog screamed and spread its dark, bat-like wings.
Studalf brought his broom down on the bridge.
'You cannot pass' he stated weakly.
Fortunately, the Balrog was furious and didn't listen to Studalf.
Gripping its umbrella and whip, it ran across the bridge towards the
waiting wizard.
Then, two things happened simultaneously.
One, Albo found the body of the dead troll and began sobbing about the
injustice in the world, and Two, the bridge collapsed. (We felt that
the First might be more interesting to the story! The Second is just
filler to make the story seem longer)
The Balrog fell, screaming, into the darkness.
'AMEN! MAY GOD BLESS YOUR SOUL!' It cried.
'Right that it!' shouted Studalf 'I've had it with your God crap'
And with that, Studalf leapt over the edge, sending bolts of lightning
after the falling Balrog.
'NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!' Cried Katbin.
'Chuck us some splints will you!' cried out Studalf from below.
'So ends Studalf the Great! He died to protect us!' said Jaromir
sadly.
'No he didn't!' cried Jamragon 'He foolishly JUMPED to his
death!'
'Come on! The Chipclowns are coming! We must get out of here!' shouted
Katolas.
The company ran, Chipclown's fluffy pink bunny slippers raining down
around them.
Heavy with the picnic basket and numb with cold the Company left
Airfield
Also, they were pretty upset Studalf was dead, but that goes without
mentioning!

'Come on, we cannot stay here! These hills will be swarming with
Chipclowns soon. We will find rest in the fair Woods of Ashenbury.'
said Jamragon wearily. The Fellowship dragged them selves up. They
began the march to Ashenbury.

They entered the Woods as evening drew close. The hobbits gazed in
wonder as the trees reached up, ever onwards. Pilmi hung back, unsure
of whether to go on.
'We should turn back Jamragon! You've heard what they say about the
witch that lives here. She is evil!'
'I agree with Pilmi! There are tales of these woods! Men enter and are
forever changed, IF they get out! Many go never to return! They say an
Elf-witch lives here, beautiful but deadly. Her touch is poison!' said
Jaromir ominously.
'Hey!' cried out Katolas indignantly 'she's my Aunt!'
'What?!' cried the company.
'She's not evil! She's one of our great Queens! She remembers the First
Age!' continued Katolas proudly.
'When was that?' asked Emily.
'Well....I'm only 2931 years old' mused Katolas 'and I was born at the
beginning of the Third age. Timrond was around in the Second. So....a
long time I guess. She's married to Celeborn, my Father's brother
(Uncle). Her daughter married Timrond and had...'
'Ok, we don't need your family history!' stated Pilmi.
'Charming' muttered Katolas.
She paused at one of the trees.
'I'll climb up and see where we are'
'Wait!'
'It's not safe'
'There might...'
But she was already half-way up the tree. The others sighed and waited
patiently in the growing dark.
'Don't worry young hobbits, if anything happens, Jaromir and I will
protect you! I have the ears of a dwarf, and he has the eyes of Men!'
said Pilmi proudly.
'But you're near deaf and he has glasses!' muttered Emily.
'Shut up!' said Pilmi.
Suddenly the area was filled with the creaks of drawn arrows. About 30
elves surrounded them.
'Pilmi, I think we should go back' whimpered Caz.
'You have entered the land of the Lady of the Wood. You cannot go
back!' stated an Elf.
Just then Katolas dropped from the tree and jumped in front of the
Fellowship, arms spread...
'Narowym Haldir! Ir maroich mal turnei al kanderas! Malen os pellon!'
she said, gesturing at the Company behind her.
'Gerios na saloia Katolas' he replied.
The Elves put down their bows.
'Come, the Lady is waiting for you!' Said Haldir.
They escorted the Company to The city of Lorien. The Elven city at the
top of the trees.

She was quite tall, for an Elf and dressed in jeans and a black Red Hot
Chilli Peppers top. Her short brown hair moved gracefully as she danced
downstairs.
At the bottom, she looked at their surprised faces.
'What? Were you expecting a white shiny frock?!'
She laughed.
'Hi, I'm Galad-Claire, That's Galad, HYPHEN, Claire, don't
forget!'
She grinned.
'Nice to see you again Katolas! My you've grown! It seems like only a
century ago you used to come and play with me! Oh, Great! You brought
Jamragon with you! Wow! I haven't seen you in ages! You look great! I
like what you've done with the hair, it makes you look all rugged and
wi...'
'YOU TWO HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE! HAVEN'T YOU?!' screamed Pilmi
furiously.
Galad-Claire wrinkled her nose, like someone had placed something that
smelt foul beneath it.
'You brought a Dwarf?!' she sighed 'Filthy creatures!'
She turned back to Katolas
'How could you pollute this forest with the likes of HIM?!'
'I didn't ask him to come, Timrond said he had to!' she replied
'Yes, Pilmi. We have been here before, Katolas used to live here when
she was little!' said Jamragon calmly. Pilmi sat in the mud and
muttered about Elves.
'Oh well, you'd better get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning,
ok?'
Then she turned and began to walk upstairs. At the top she paused and
turned back to the Company.
' Ioreth yrch mawyla sylanei Katolas' she smiled and twitched her
nose.
Katolas grinned and twitched her nose in return.
And then, Galad-Claire left.
Katbin walked to the edge of the flet and peered down into the
darkness. Two glowing eyes peered back up at her, and she smelt the
overpowering reek of Twix's again.
'Christian' she whispered.
The creature below started, and the glowing eyes winked out.

'You have come far, and faced many challenges since Timrond set you out
on this quest. However, the messengers of Timrond said Nine there were,
but eight there are. Mithrandir has fallen into Darkness. Our Pilgrim
Grey is now lost to us' Said Galad-Claire mysteriously, yet quite
sadly.
'Huh?' said Emily.
Galad-Claire sighed.
'Studalf is dead, Right?'
They nodded.
'Ok!' She sighed again.
'The quest stands upon the edge of a knife, stray but a little and you
will fail, to the ruin of us all.' she continued.
'Oh, that sounds ominous!' said Emily.
'My dear hobbit, it was supposed to be, now do you mind. I strayed up
late trying to think of wise things to say and you're interrupting my
flow!' She paused before continuing.
'Yet Hope remains while the company is true!' She waited.
'Was that it?!' asked Jaromir.
'Yes it bloody was! No one appreciates all the hard work I put in to
these things!'
An Elf appeared carrying refreshments.
'Here try these, they're delicious!'
The Elf handed out the mushrooms to everyone, and then
disappeared.
'Hey! Aren't these those mushrooms that the Dwarf warned us about in
Rivendell?' Emily turned to the other hobbits, who were licking their
lips and discussing how nice they'd been. Her mouth hung open, Emily
gazed about her in disbelief as everyone, excepting Pilmi, had eaten
they're mushroom.
'Just chuck it over the edge! They won't notice!' whispered Pilmi to
Emily.
Emily yawned and 'dropped' the mushroom over the edge. Katolas and
Galad-Claire exchanged worried looks.
Within minutes everyone except Katolas, Galad-Claire, Emily and Pilmi
were sitting on the floor discussing all the weird and wonderful things
they could see and singing strange songs.
'What's happening to them?' asked a very panicked Emily.
'THEY'VE POISONED THEM!!! NEVER TRUST AN ELF!!!'
'Oh Shut Up! They're just not used to its effects yet.' said
Katolas.
'Only Elves are, we've been eating them for generations and there's
nothing wrong with us!' continued Galad-Claire.
'Yeah, Of course not!' whispered Pilmi sarcastically.
'If you have something to say! Say it to my damn face! Then I'll knock
you flying!' said Galad-Claire fiercely.
'Yeah, I have! I think Elves are...'
WHACK
Pilmi hit a nearby tree.
'Come on Pilmi! I'll pull out your beard!
Pilmi got up and charged towards her, roaring.
WHACK
THUNK
THUNK
Pilmi was pinned to the tree by a few of Katolas' arrows.
'Now Stay there!'
'We'll continue this later, Have a look around. I'll call you later if
you need anything.'
A faint smell of Twix's wafted up towards Emily, Katolas and
Galad-Claire.
'Katolas narchnannen i fae caled velegan elye. Haldir el faroun
etvenate yaresse'
Galad-Claire whispered softly.
'Si reanrch Christian er osnetir sirair o telon' replied Katolas.
Soon Haldir joined them and they disappeared into the darkness, leaving
Emily alone with an unconscious Pilmi and several high hobbits and
men!

Beamoman sat quietly trying to work out the displacement of spaghetti
and sand, when he had a vision!

(Begin Vision!)

The Dark Lady, Saran strode down the dark corridors of Waingel's. She
came to the sixth form common room and gazed at all her sixth form
minions.
'Go forth, Bring me news of the foot!'
Screaming, the sixth form fled into the darkness.
Saran laughed an evil witch-like cackle. Then She sat down
waited.
A shadow grew in the corner, eventually taking the shape of Mrs
Wood.
'Lllarrrweeennn!' It hissed 'Eeeellllvvveesssssss'
Saran sighed before standing to confront the Ringwraiths. Suddenly she
stopped, looking about herself suspiciously.
'Beamoman! Build me an army worthy of Waingels!' she boomed out.
Then she continued to advance on the shrieking Ringwraith. She rose her
hand, and stuck the wraith with a black school bag. Mrs Wood shrank
away to a corner, other shadows growing about her. One stretched forth,
pawing at Saran and her bag.
'STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY BAG!' She yelled, then kicked the offending
shadow off the stairs.
'Giiivvveeee usss neeeewwww stteeeedddsss miisssstrrreesss, wwweeeeee
wiiillllll fffeetttccchhh ttthhhheee fffooootttt!' Mrs Wood
hissed
'Hmmmm, not a bad idea' said Saran evilly.
The Shadows poured out of Waingel's. The Wraiths had set out once
again, yet they were no longer mounted upon steeds of Black. Creatures
forgotten to day and remembered only in nightmares carried the wraiths
now...
And in her tower, Saran, the Dark Lady smiled, as all her plans were
coming to fruit. Her brethren Maia, Studalf was lost unto the darkness,
her other, Beamoman was in her grasp. All was coming to pass, and Saran
would cover the lands of Woodley in a great darkness. Saran decided to
treat herself to a box of Chocolates and a lengthy bout of torturing
her sixth formers.
(End Vision!)

Beamoman walked down to the depths of M+W's where his evil Chipclowns
were feeding something. He looked on in pride as the great lump moved.
Then unexpectantly, it burst out of the mud covering it and strangled a
nearby Chipclown.
'The birth of my Army! Behold! My fighting tribe of Geog-Hai, I give
you your leader, Kohn!'
(Evil music plays in background)
Kohn raised himself out of the earth, covered in gorilla-like hair. His
head was bald and shiny yet mud-covered dreadlocks hung from his scalp.
He growled out to the assembled Geog-Hai.
'Hurricanes are formed between 23 and a half degrees north and south of
the Equator! That's in the Tropics! And don't you forget it!'
'Go forth my pretties!' cackled Beamoman 'Bring me the Hobbit! I need
to know some? physics equation from her! Don't spoil her with your
Geographical nonsense.
Kohn roared in disagreement.

Hours later, a hoard of the Geog-Hai tribe poured out of M+W's on the
road to encounter the Fellowship.

Back to the story.

When Galad-Claire met with the Company again, she looked vaguely
worried. She had become fast friends with Katbin and wished them all
goodbye. She asked for a private word with Katbin
She magically (she's an Elf!) produced a crystal ball from the pocket
of her jeans. With a small amount of hand waving and mystical seeming
movements, Galad-Claire peered into the crystal ball.
'I see?.I see?. Oh, Pizza! We're having Pizza for tea!' she grinned at
Katbin. 'Here you look! I wonder what you're having?'
Katbin shrugged and gazed into the swirling mists. At first only bread
and water appeared, then the clouds parted to reveal the Fellowship!
Then more images of her friends in Woodley, and then the image of Saran
appeared! Katbin leapt back screaming.
'I know what it is you saw! For I was the one who gave you the bread
and water! 'Cos I ain't gonna give you any tea! I might think twice
about Katolas, but she's family! Oh and perhaps Jamragon, but I brought
him up from a kid! You ain't got no tea, yeah!'(Galad-Claire sang the
you ain't got no tea bit)
She walked out with Katbin to bid farewell to the assemballed
Fellowship.
'Ok then? Have a nice trip! I hope I see you again! Bye!'
She grinned happily at all of them except Pilmi. She gave him a
poisonous glare. He met it, with equal hatred. He drew his axe in a
violent seeming gesture and began to advance on the Elf.
'GET OUT OF MY WOODS AND NEVER COME BACK!' She yelled as Jamragon
dragged him away, hoping to spare him another confrontation with the
Elf-Queen. After Jaromir began to help, Pilmi was finally subdued and
Galad-Claire disappeared into the trees. Katbin rejoined the
Fellowship, and once again, They set out to Waingel's.

'NO WAY! I'M NOT GETTING IN A BOAT WITH THAT!!!!'
'YOU'D HAVE TO DRAG ME TO GET IN WITH AN ELF!'
'Please, there's no room for anyone else to go in with either of you!'
said Jamragon wearily
'He's heavier than the hobbits, and both me and Jaromir are taking two
of them! Please Katolas, Pilmi'
'NO WAY!!!'
'SHUT UP AND GET IN THE BOAT! Please!' Shouted Katbin.
Katolas grudgingly hopped in, followed by an irate Pilmi
SPLASH
'YOU PUSHED ME!!!'
Katolas looked innocent as she paddled away, leaving a soggy Pilmi to
swim after her.
Jaromir hauled him on to his boat
'Katolas, you take Emilyadoc, You two get along more!'
And with that, he lobbed a screaming Emily into Katolas' boat.

Kohn pushed his Geog-Hai brethern faster and further into the depths of
Tippings. The river flowed along at their right, and the same river
carried the unsuspecting Fellowship closer to Junction-Muil, where
Tippings lane divided, to carry on meant braving the deadly waterfall.
Yet to turn off, meant the greater danger of Waingel's. The Company was
not to excited at either of these 'joyful' prospects.
Kohn could not hold in his excitement at the thought of the coming
battle! He let out an excited battle-cry, that echoed about rain
forests all over the land.
Katolas and Emily looked up. Katolas recognised that cry!
'It...was just the wind...'whispered Emily fearfully
Katolas didn't reply, as she began to paddle faster downstream.

At the dawn of the next day, they came to Amon Stop.
'Make for that island in the river. When you're there, turn to the east
bank.' shouted Jamragon to the company.
A few minutes later, they were moored on the east shore. The hobbits
collapsed on the beach, and had to be dragged up the bank by Jaromir
and Pilmi. They all huddled under the stone shelter (bus shelter) and
ate bread and water (Apparently, Galad-Claire was right about their
dinner!). Katbin decided to cheer everyone up.
'Smile, you munchkins!' she cried to them. All this effort only got her
a few strained smiles from the hobbits. Katolas was lingering near the
boats, a worried look on her face. Jamragon stood watching the water
flow past. Katolas came and stood behind him.
'A shadow under threat has been growing in my mind, We should go on!'
she whispered to him cryptically.
'You think we're in danger here?' he replied.
'Yes, Emily and I heard something while sailing here. We MUST go on!
Pass over the river to the East shore!'
'Oh, Katolas, the East shore is patrolled by Chipclowns'
'It is not the East shore that worries me' she glanced around
significantly.
Jamragon sighed.
'Right, we'll go on. Hobbits gather your stuff, we're.... Where's
Katbin?'
'...and where's Jaromir?' continued Katolas

Katbin wandered along the forest. She'd had enough, she wanted to go
home. She hated being cold and hungry and wet. She disliked hanging
around with Dwarves and Elves and Men! She just wanted to go home to
play with her hobbit friends. She decided to cheer up and play with
herself (not like that you dirty twig!). She made a few moose cries and
flapped about a bit, until she was laughing at herself.
Then, she heard a branch snap near her. She looked up, dreading what
new awful creature had appeared, only to find it was Jaromir.
'You shouldn't be here alone...Something...BAD..could happen to you...'
he trailed off significantly.
'Why? What will happen' asked Katbin.
'I can see why YOU annoyed Studalf so much!'
'Oh...Ok....I'm going now....' she yelped as Jaromir dived at
her.
'Give it to me, Katbin! I need it!' he grasped at her bag. Lovingly, he
drew out...her water bottle (?)
'Give it back!' yelled Katbin. She vainly struggled with Jaromir as he
gulped down all her water.
'You mean...platypus!'
Then, Katbin drew out the ring, and hit Jaromir aroung the head with
it! As he collapsed to the ground, she slipped the ring on her finger,
and became invisible.
The now familiar monkey shrieks filled her ears as she grabbed her
water bottle and diposited the contents on Jaromir's head. Then she ran
off into the woods.
When Jaromir looked up, the woods were silent.
'Katbin....? Katbin.? KATBIN! I'M SORRY!
But Katbin could no longer hear him.

Katolas wandered around the forest, looking for Katbin. She had left
Emily, Alex and Caz behind in the shrubbery. Pilmi pushed through the
bushes a few meters behind her. They heard a distant thunder, like the
sound of many feet, trampling through the bush.
'I wonder what that is?' said Pilmi quietly.
'Where's Jamragon?' asked Katolas.
'He went off somewhere' replied Pilmi vaguely.
'He's strange...'
'It comes from living with Elves...'
'Hey!'
Their voices trailed off into the distance

Meanwhile...

'RUN KATBIN! I'LL PROTECT YOU!!!' Yelled Jamragon as he plunged into
the horde of Geog-Hai.
After disembowling Jenner, and mutalating Gilles, he watched Katbin
flee into the forest.
The masses of Geog-Hai rushed him. Jessop grabbed him by his chest and
was about to gut him with his history biro, when an arrow appeared and
killed Jessop.
Katolas and Pilmi had joined the fight!
Then, a horn sounded out of nowhere.
HOOOOONK
'The Horn of Ambleside! Jaromir' said Katolas in a worried voice.
The trio bounded over the countryside, following the sound.

HOONNNK
Jaromir sounded his horn once more, just for effect.
The Chipclowns hesitating, was some awful creature going to come to the
mans help?
No, it didn't, so they attacked again.
Alex and Emily were being quite violent to the poor chipclowns.
'Errr! Mingin'' screamed Alex to one particular chipclown.
This poor chipclown didn't like being referred to as 'mingin' ' and
began to cry.
'Ummm....Sorry, I....err....didn't' began Alex before Emily chopped its
head off.
Emily gave Alex a withering look, before returning to the battle.
Jaromir was doing quite well, chipclown corpses littered the floor
around him
Then, Kohn appeared over the rise and Emily and Alex stared on in
horror!
Jaromir didn't appear to notice and killed the last of the chipclowns.
He looked up and paled as he saw Kohn, and another load of chipclowns
at his back.

Suddenly, Wells appeared out of nowhere (oh ok, he appeared out of the
humanities cupboard with Faucett). He dived at Katolas with a video on
Florence Nightingale. She stopped to fight with him, and for some
reason (only known to the authors), Pilmi stayed to help her. Jamragon,
convienently, carried on alone.

He ran to the clearing where Jaromir lay, Geography Atlases protruding
from his body. All around him, Chipclown bodies lay scattered about.
Jamragon went and crouched down beside him.
'Alex...They...took...Alex...'
'Oh, Jamromir' whispered Jamragon sadly.
'Promise me something....' begged Jaromir
'Anything'
''....when....you get....back to...Ambleside....'
'yes?' asked Jamragon
'take my book back to the Library, it's overdue you see....' said
Jaromir
'I'll...try..' replied Jamragon none to convincingly.
'Oh, Katbin, I'm sorry. Jamragon, I took her water bottle....I'm sorry.
And now they've taken Alex!'
'Where's Emily?'
'Emily?' inquired Jaromir.
'Yeah, the really evil hobbit, hangs about with Katolas alot.'
'Who?' asked Jaromir.
'Emily...Emilyadoc Brandybuck....the one who takes everything too
far....'
He received a blank look from Jaromir.
He sighed.
'Black hair, brown eyes, always asks stupid questions...'
'Oh her! Oh those chipclowns took her or something....I don't really
care!" replied Jaromir, he sounded distinctly uninterested.

'Errrrr.....Katolas? He's dead now...you don't have to stab him
anymore!' said Pilmi.
She paused.
'C'mon now, let's go help Jaromir.' he continued.
'Oh, ok!' she hesitated 'Why are you being nice to me?'
'I...errr....'
'WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH PILMI!!!!!!'
Before he could answer, Katolas ran at him with one of her knives
drawn.
'Aahhhhhhhh!!!!!!' he cried 'Look, you're alright you know....for an
Elf'
She grinned at him, and sheathed her blade.
'I know, I was just screwing with you!'
They continued to run off into the bushes.

'Oh Jamragon, promise me you'll be a good king...'
'I don't really want to...'
'...and be kind to all the
people...good..by..e..my.frien..d...my...ki...ng....'
Then, Jamragon heard a twig snap behind him. He jumped up, sword drawn,
only to find Kohn!
They parried with their swords or Geography textbooks for a while,
until Kohn got the upperhand by throwing his at Jamragon (smart move!).
He pinned Jamragon to the tree! (This looks like the end for
Jamragon).
Kohn advanced, grinning maliciously.
'We have the hobbits! Your friend is dead, and my Geog-Hai will
dispatch your foolish Elvish and Dwarvish friends. And now...you will
die! Man has a short life expectancy, this is due to a number of
different variables, diet and lifestyle are but a few...'
Then, Kohn's head went one way, and his body another. ( ^_^ )

'Jaromir! You're supposed to be dead!' shouted Jamragon accusingly
'You're stealing my moment!"
'Oh I'm sorry, I mean I just saved your life and all, you must forgive
me!' said Jaromir sarcastically.
Just then Katolas and Pilmi ran up.
'Oh no! He's Dead!' wailed Katolas.
'I'm not dead' said Jaromir rather bluntly.
'Shut up, you're dying, ok?' said Pilmi.
'Where will we bury him?'
'Let's just chuck him over the waterfall'
'Yeah, good idea!'
'HEY!' shouted a rather indignant Jaromir

'I'M NOT DEAD!!!!!' He yelled as he plummeted down the Tippings Sun
waterfall.
The remaining three watched the mistd raise up from the roaring waters.
All was quiet.
'I'M...NOT...DEAD...!' Cried a rather irritarted voice from
below.
'Look we haven't got time. Katbin's gone somewhere, you lost Emily and
Alex! Hurry up and die!' he paused 'Look Katolas, you've got good eyes,
give him a helping hand on the road to Valinor, ok?' asked
Jamragon
THUNK
The three turned and walked off. A hand raised out from below, and the
tip of an arrow could just be seen.
'I'M NOT DEAD, THAT'S NICE, THEY PUT AN ARROW THROUGH MY EYE! SOME
FRIENDS!'
But no one heard him...

Meanwhile...

'Master Katbin I'm coming with you'
'I'm half-way across the river you moose, now go back to Emily and Alex
or I'll bite your nose off!'
'I'm an olympic swimmer, Katbin! I'm coming' Caz said as she pulled
herself on to the boat.
'Oh, you're all soggy...'
'Just paddle Katbin, or those nasty chipclowns will be after us
again!'

'Are we going to follow them?' asked Katolas.
'No, we have to let the ring go now. Anyway we can't leave Alex and
Emily to the Chipclowns!' said Jamragon.
'Yes we can! They can stay, 'cos I'm not going to rescue those wierd
creatures! I mean, we thought Elves were bad, but we never met
HOBBITS!' Said Pilmi.
'Well, I think we should rescue them' replied Katolas.
'I agree, well let's go Pilmi, you're outnumbered'
'Uhhh nobbish!'
They ran off after the remaining Geog-Hai, hoping to save Eimly and
Alex from extra Humanities lessons and eventually Physics!
And Katbin and Caz go in search of the Cracks of Physics in the depths
of Waingels, hoping to destroy the ring!
And Albo returned home and set up a caberet show with the guy from the
beginning of the story.
And Jaromir (to our knowledge) is still alive and rather miffed at
being thrown over a waterfall by his friends.
And Studalf is still dead, or smoking splints. The Balrogs still with
him too, so at least he's not alone.

The End.... For Now....