the frequent apology

a balloon half-filled with helium
hovers five inches or so below the ceiling of the cafeteria
a few feet away from the time clock &
on a table near the balloon,
a sympathy card bearing the signatures of most of the folks
who work at the plant
sits on the table
waiting for her to enter.

when she does enter,
with her head bent down towards the ground,
some of the female employees waiting to punch in
stop their talking
as if they were anticipating a public beheading,
and welcome her back---
when she raises her head,
the bruises, this time,
take up more color than the normal pigment of her face &
the purpling gets worse towards the eyes
where the bleeding beneath the skin was so bad
it is blackened & puffy.

most of the women do not pretend that what has happened in their
coworker’s past,
did not lead to this point &
they walk up individually to speak in quiet tones directly to her
tip-toeing on eggshells
not wanting all the information
but wanting to be able to express concern &
hoping that the man responsible
is locked up in a cage now
where her can’t get to her---
the collective want in the room for justice
is unanimous.

and before the traumatic brain injury landed her in the hospital,
she let him plead his “case,”
as she had so many times before---
this time, the apology was followed with blame
bestowed upon her head with the heavy side of the blender sitting
on the kitchen counter,
just inches away from where they’d been arguing---
as that wasn’t enough,
he followed up the initial blows
with fists &
on it went
until everything went dark.

this time,
the frequent apologies,
the buying of flowers,
the casting of money her way after roughing her up a bit &
the making of excuses in the workplace
for what really happened,
can no longer be tolerated---

what has brought her to this place
will not be let go by the people who love her &
fortunately for her,
she has such people to protect her
from what now,
is all too obvious &
the big changes in her life that need to come,
can no longer be put on hold
for the make-believe paradise
when he would have finally exercised all his demons &
appreciated her for who she was.

had she been better off financially,
she would have been able to stay home &
let the damage heal---
would things have turned out different if that had been the case?
another excuse,
another beating,
another apology,
another beating,
another excuse,
another apology,
another beating,
another apology,
another excuse---

would she be alive to return to work at all.