naaaaa, couldn’t be global warming

as state after state begins to boil &
the people of this country begin to sweat,
swelter & roast
under these oppressive heat waves, the
National Weather Service
issues excessive heat advisories
like it was “handing out speeding tickets at
the Indy 500”
because the temperatures there have grown
to highs of 110 F or higher &
this has become the norm for more than a
third of the country’s people just in June
alone---
today, the Ohio Valley is thrown on the
grill &
if ya take a five second gander at the map of
the states for July 4th on the NWS website,
you’ve got plenty of “Special Marine Warnings,”
warnings concerning high winds, flash floods,
gales, lake winds, extreme fires & RED FLAG
WARNINGS (unique marked areas that are soon
to exhibit, or are already exhibiting “gusty
southerly winds, widespread relative humidities”
that will “create severe fire weather conditions
with the potential for explosive fire growth” ).

um, yeah…
but we all know that these extreme weather conditions
have absolutely nothing to do with
global warming, right?

naaaaa, couldn’t be global warming.

so what,
if the increasing number of heat waves have
resulted in the creation of overwhelming high
temperature records for the month of June---
we all know,
it couldn’t be global warming
&
so what,
if the Summer produces more droughts, wildfires,
spasmodic downpours & more catastrophic storms,
we all know,
it couldn’t be global warming---
because,
“the jury is still out!”
&
“there is no conclusive evidence great enough to
say that global warming directly causes any of
this!”
&
“Al Gore’s movie should be banned from the
classrooms!!”---
so take your skin cancered self &
cool down in your bunker,
making sure to pack a snorkel just in case
the thing isn’t airtight &
blame all the things that are happening on
“god’s wrath!” in hopes that come
December 21st, 2012,
the world will come to an end anyway,
so that you won’t have to deal with this,
america---
because none of it has
anything
to do with
global warming---
that is for
sure.