the perfectionist & subsequent habits of compartmentalization

not having a chance to get their own birth
perfect
(having had no say in the matter), the perfectionist is thrown into the world,
where chaos reigns---
and the primary caregiver who showed up for the
job
(providing one was lucky enough to have someone show),
they do their best to keep the child out of harm’s way
they feed them, clothe them, take them to school, etc.
until that being born without a choice
(to say “screw this,” i’m not coming out!),
now has grown up---
the grown-up being is one whose emotions run wild,
and yet this particular perfectionist
tries to keep it all settled,
like it was nestled in a beautiful little box---
one kept up on the shelf &
only to be brought out on special occasions---
the perfectionist is a planner,
a control freak &
one who does not work well with failure---
early on they learn not to trust others,
because being linked to anyone or anything, even remotely resembling
attachment,
will end up bringing another’s personality into the attempt at
perfection,
and being that one perfect life is hard enough to attain,
another cook trying to make the tastiest soup,
well, it just won’t do.

so the perfectionist finds ways of self-discipline,
s/he cuts feelings off from her/himself when people get too close,
and with success in a career,
the perfectionist finds new ways of gaining freedom by
spending themselves out of situations which they do not want to
take part in---
they learn to have conversations wherein the deleting
whole parts of a seemingly complete person
in order to maintain a specific guise in any given context,
is not only routine,
but with this newly found ability comes a sense of pride,
which others attempting perfection,
may never be able to grasp.

the perfectionist hones their life
like one would a stick when carving bits & pieces away,
in order to make it look
just
exactly
like
it
should----
and yet,
the perfectionist,
like an airbrushed photo of a supermodel on the glossy cover of a
magazine,
s/he knows nothing of this impossible state s/he seeks,
because it
does
not.