Hitler's Big Mistake

Hitler's Big Mistake (Prose by Draco Drella February 02
Drella@washingtonweb.co.uk)

To be truthful we never got on.
I mean some people, sort of, got on worse with him than I did, and I
try not be extremist or alarmist, but the man had many faults.
I liked the way that he used to pat that Alsatian and laugh with the
children but I never really trusted him.
He was a wonderful conversationalist but he could get irritated with
people, who perhaps, were only being eccentric. The fact that he
included the whole twelve tribes of Israel in his list of
eccentricities which, like I said before he found extremely irritating,
could be viewed as antisocial.
I saw him in a film where he was laughing with some children and as I
watched him laugh I saw him look up and at the camera, and then through
the camera and into the cinema. He looked until he found my eyes and he
said to me
"Do you really want to be one of my eccentricities"
And I, like the coward that I am, saying
"Is the rest of the cinema not seeing this ?"
And he looked into my eyes, and then he laughed as he turned to the
children and pretended that he was laughing at what the child was
saying.
I knew that he was laughing at me.

But at the rallys, couldn't you watch the ballet as he worked the
crowd, like no other politician could do.
Churchill came close with "Fighting on beaches" but he cheated by using
real English words.
No! Adolph looked into the heart of each one in the crowd and he said
to them, without using a single word:
"Come with me and together we will have 'One whale of a time'."
But then, I think I said above, he was such a conversationalist.

Where he and I, really, fell out was when he, invaded Poland.
I, at no time, said to him before this, that he had my permission to
Invade Poland.
This permission was not actually asked for.
He cannot use the argument that if I had been asked I would have given
permission.
I would have counselled against it. I may not have mentioned the
consequences on my own life, since, if I had been asked beforehand, I
would not, then,be in a position to know this. But I am sure that I
would have pointed out that this could lead to a war in which he
himself, as well as, about 100 million more, would be in a position
where he, and those millions, might not have survived at all. Doubtless
this counselling would have included an invitation to have a few pints
at the Bavarian Black Bull.
Could German beer be responsible ? I ask myself. Are Mr Beck and Mr
Holsten responsible for casting such a blight on my life. I respect the
arguments. The stuff is so strong that it would fell a Rhinoceros. But
it tastes so vile that drinking it only confirms the heroic status of
the German, which Wagner's Ring Cycle failed to accurately
portray.

No, he went right against my advice when he invaded Poland that time.
In the order of things for which people are hard to forgive, I would
but 'Invading Poland' right up there with shagging sheep.

Not that, the invasion of Poland, I find the greatest torment to my
soul. My own personal demons are more in the shape of whether or not I
have more than 4 pints at the Glazed Piglet in the village of "Much
Gobbling on the Marsh". If forced to choose between Invading Poland or
sheepshagging then as long as I can have a choice of the best looking
sheep then the Polish defence can stand down.

Now, in case, it were argued that Hitler acted, in ignorance, of the
possible consequences, on my life, of the above invasion. let me say
that this is why the present trial is taking place.

So , you get the picture ? Poland invaded and the relationship between
us went from strained to even more strained.
It did not strike me for a long time just how disastrous his
intervention in my life would become. My own ignorance of exactly this
level of disasterliness was partly to blame but I could not be expected
to foresee that the whole of the English society into which I would be
born in 1948 could turn so wholeheartedly towards the military.

There was I, a boy of 5 summers, being marched up and down the
playground with more precision than the whole of the Grenadier guards
on St Grenadier's day when they parade down Grenadier street.
Up and down we paraded as we were exhorted to
"Act like 'real' soldiers"
Then we would be praised for
"Looking like real soldiers"
and our chests would swell since nobody mentioned that the primary
purpose of a "Real Soldier' has more to do with raining death and
destruction down on people than it has to do with just how straight was
the line, that Form 2B of Diamond Hall school in Much Gobbling on the
Marsh, marched in.
We looked at our teachers, that we were told were clever people, as
they tried to look like the more sadistic breed of Regimental sergeant
majors. A species which is not noted for its sensitivity. These
teachers who, without the war, might have been, honest hardworking
people, with their hands unstained, by the blood of the enemies, they
were given, as soldiers of the King.
OK! Hitler could not have foreseen this, you argue. He was just an
ignorant Austrian, who had been frightened by a Jewish person, as a
child. Well, was it not his duty to take some advice before invading
Poland. I mean if asked the question.
"Is England likely to become more or less military in response to you
invading Poland ?"
then I think that even Adolph would have been forced to reply
"More ! and with knobs on."
After all he had even been a Scouser for some time. Everyone knows that
the Scousers will fight at the slightest opportunity.
Could this have clouded his judgment ? Could he have walked along
Scotland Rd at closing time on a Saturday night and thought
"These people couldn't be disciplined into military life. These people
would be struggling to be recruited by Anarchists. There is no danger
to Draco's wellbeing at all." ?
This would have been extremely foggy thinking, which is no damn defence
at all.

No! Adolph can not wriggle out on the triple defence of:
1 "I am an ignorant Austrian."
2 "It was not my fault. It was German beer to blame."
3 "It was those bellicose Scousers who confused me."
No! When he looked into my eyes in that cinema it was personal. He knew
it and so did I.

Just how disastrous to my life can be gaged by what happened when I and
a group of fellow seventeen year olds attempted to gain entry to the
Locarno Ballrom in the nearby town of Phillatio. The whole party of six
of us were turned away because one of us had shown the non military
independence to be wearing a jacket with a velvet collar. This crime
could not, of course be compared to the wearing of hair which strayed
more than one quarter of an inch from the skull, but it was enough to
ensure that I was not admitted to the Locarno after spending nearly one
shilling and nine pence on bus fare.

The obsession which the "Thought police" had with length of hair, when
looked at from now, seems too ludicrous to believe. This was what was
termed behaviour, beyond redemption. Boys were regularly beaten with
sticks at school. Children were evicted from the family home.
Expulsions from school were commonplace. The military mindset, which
resulted from Adolph's invasion of Poland, had drawn a very firm line
in the sand and this was located a quarter of an inch from the skulls
of schoolboys. Any hair which was found to have crossed this "Alamo"
line was judged to be treason and a threat to all that they "Had fought
a war for."

Adolph thought that he could just exterminate at will and launch
Blitzkriegs willy nilly without any regard for the consequences to my
life. Well let me tell you the consequences were certainly felt in the
village of Much Gobbling. There used to be three pubs in our village
until one of the Luftwaffe decided that the German war effort needed
the number reducing to two. At the tender age of twenty years old I
found myself barred from both of these hostelrys and the opportunity to
have a pint in the third would have been very useful.

So, Adolph, now is the time to face the music. The upshot is that I
have had a word with the landlords of both the pubs in 'Much Gobbling
in the Marsh' and they have assured me that you are barred for the rest
of the year. Unless you can come up with a better defence or are at
least prepared to buy a drink for the whole company. Yes, I know that
you may say that this is draconian but then my name is Draco
Drella.