In search of solace

I want to fall into a comatose of blood,
I want to sleep this all away,
I'm too tired to chase my life around,
I'm tired in my mind.
No longer can I feel,
About anyone or anything but her,
Because she's the only thing that matters;
Believe it or not,
Things weren't always this way,
She used to care....
Maybe she does still-
Or maybe I'm living in fantasy.
It's all gone away,
All the magic and love that was there;
All replaced with agonizing emotions, pain and hurt,
That no one can repair.

I can't love again,
There is no one else but her,
She is my soulmate and my master;
On hands and knees I crawl to serve.

Nothing else is real,
It's been an illusion all my life,
I'm tired of feeling this way;
But it's the life I've come to know and love.
My world of devotion, servitude and blood,
Offered up unto her lips,
So she can sense, taste, smell and feel my love.

At the moment of a whisper coming softly in breath,
>From her lips,
I beg for her to take me, break me, use me, rape me,
So I know that I am hers.

She doesn't know the depths of how I feel for her,
She hears them but does not listen to them;
She sees not how much I love her,
(Or maybe she just doesn't care)
If only I could let her inside of me,
So she could see and feel the beauty,
And sheer extacy that from her touch,
Or piercing gaze I know.

I'll be her sevant for eternity,
And walk side by side with her through death's veil;
Nothing could slay me over her,
And my feelings will never stray.
The feelings I hold inside,
The little bit I don't let her see;
Perhaps the most important part,
Not sure how she would perceive.

She doesn't have to care for me,
As long as she let's me be her slave,
Nothing else matters to me,
That's why I can't stay away.

Without her I am lost,
Wandering through this barren plain with nothing else to seek;
I want so desperately to hold her and kiss her,
Just to feel as though I am something that matters.
I know I'm nothing and have no problem accepting that,
I know I'll never amount to shit;
Yet it doesn't bother me and hasn't since we met.

She is the only thing that makes me want to live,
And makes me want to worship her,
Under this spell I'm in.
I can't even begin to explain all of how I feel;
Besides no one will ever understand,
Not even she can comprehend....
She is the only thing in my world that's real.