Quadraphonic Eden

Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley Fight Over Eternal Heroin Needle in
Rock Star Heaven

Throaty insults beamed back and forth across the heavens yesterday
evening as Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley begin an epic fight over an
eternal heroin needle in Rock Star Heaven.
Rock Star Heaven; populated by the true geniuses of rock music. No, you
won't find a Milli Vanilli brother or dead butt rocker, this is the
cream of the crop: Morrison, Hendrix, and Lennon to name a few.
But, all is not well in the eternal bliss of Rock Heaven.
Last April singer, songwriter Layne Staley passed away after an
apparent heroin overdose. The world mourned, and so did Staley when he
found himself in Rock Heaven. Upon arrival he was told of all the
facilities - drugs, alcohol, women and went straight to the eternal
heroin needle.
To Staley's chagrin, Cobain was at and had been since 94.
"Fuck, it sucks, he won't share it. He's such a bastard. I mean, it's
not like you need it on your person at all times. Christ, he'll
administer hits to me every now and again. But, according to him under
no circumstances am I to keep the needle. This is fucked. Apparently
he's a bigger God up here than me, what a joke. I mean, he was
generally a nice guy on Earth even at the height of his fame. But, now
in heaven where we're pretty much with our equals, he's a total cock. I
mean that needle is the best, no withdrawal, it can't kill you, the
whole bit. Man, Kurt is a cock." Staley explained before shooting a
whole bottle of Jack Daniels.
"Look, Layne's a good guy, and I like his music, but I was here first.
Maybe one day, once he gets some seniority, I'll let him baby sit the
needle every now and again, but under no circumstances will I let him
keep it. He's the type of guy that will share it with everyone and then
one of the women will get it and then it's pretty much gone for good.
I'm not being a dick here, ask John Lennon, he had it before me and he
told me to be the keeper, so I'm just doing my job." Cobain
asserted.
The next step is to take the matter to God. Cobain and Staley will
begin proceedings Tuesday with Gabriel.