Dreams About Dad

Sweating and trembling I barely whisper the words, keeping them under my breath, I hardly hear them, “leave me alone”. Part of me wants you to hear them, part of me stays frightened of the consequences. The frustration that has built up simmers under my skin, but something keeps it there. Afraid to let it out. I don’t want or need you to know how you affect me. The impact you’ve had. It would only be to your satisfaction anyway. And yet I know if I don’t tell you now, I never will. Then I’ll never be able to move on. That frightens me more than the consequences…and the words tumble out. So do the tears. You look stunned. For once. I feel like I can almost see regret in your eyes, but it only flickers. Your pupils return to their expressionless state. I realise nothing I say can touch you. Turning on my heel, I walk away. The trembling disappears and the sweat is turning cold. That’s when I wake up. To my empty room with the sunlight filtering in. Guess I’m here and your not. Maybe that means I’m stuck with the frustration creeping into my dreams. It’l fade though, I’m sure.