Recipe for living

Dr Crooked's Recipe for a Long and Healthy Life

1). Sleep before midnight everyday. Research 20 years ago has
shown
that the human body works at its optimum level when sleep is
between
midnight and 7am.

2). Cultivate selective memory loss, if you cannot find it in
your
heart to forgive. Ever wonder why the amnesiacs live so long?

3). Eat once a day, especially if you are in your 20s and older.
Don't forget, our bodies stop growing after age 19, so we don't
need
so much nutrients after that.

4). Do not apply chemicals on your face or body, unless
absolutely
necessary. Pure filtered water is the best to wash with.
Chemicals
are found to be cancer-causing, not to mention burning a hole in
your
wallet. And absolutely no botox.

5). Do not have your your body or face cut up to attain
that "desirable look". The fashion might change in 3 years' time.
Do
not especially cut up that tongue of yours to achieve that
"forked
tongue" look. You might find yourself challenged in the
kissing/sucking department. Imagine what it would do to your sex
lives.

6). Do not consume supplements. See how the Australians
(pharmaceutical company) perpetrated that fraud on all you pill-
poppers. Last I heard these pills were actually meant for farm
animals. Ensure your one meal a day regime has all the necesary
nutrients. For information on what are the nutrients, please refer
to
your Form 3 Biology or Home-Making textbook.

7). For those lazy bones out there, if you absolutely cannot kick
some ass, get a massage. That way, you still get a whole body
work-
out while lying down. Of course, some athletic positions in bed
are
also useful to burn off those fat.

8). If at all possible, avoid ciggis, booze and women. They are
trouble-makers and contribute the most to shortening your life.

9). Get spiritual. Miracles do happen and Hope is the biggest
Saviour
of Mankind (and its biggest illusion too). Remember the Placebo
Effect -- the cheapest and most effective placebo is Prayer. To
quote
the best advertisement for prayer found along roadsides in Malaysia
--
"Pray before you are prayed for".

10). Finally, get a pet, any pet, especially one from the local
SPCA. A dog for example is like a human. Neglect it and it dies a
slow death. Love it and it will return your love 100 times,
shower
you with 100 % attention and give you 100 % loyalty. Never under-
estimate the love of a pet.