Cup Cakes and Cappuccinos

The previous evening was a memory I was fighting hard to forget. The repletion of texts and words and thoughts were aggravating my heavy head. I knew when I woke up with swollen eyes that I couldn’t just sit at home, throw on my comfy, baggy, paint stained clothes, and let the previous nights events absorb my every essence, like a puddle of water to a sponge.

I wanted to just walk, and let the surrounding take over. I wanted to see new things, hear people laughing and smiling and remind myself that life as I knew it wasn’t over, it was just another day, and by doing so, my heavy limbs inadvertently walked me into town, one place I tended to avoid unless it was absolutely necessary, and step by step I landed in this extraordinary café just as the heavens opened.

Shaking off the loose droplets of water that were attempting to saturate me further - I smiled at my ability to hastily seek out a quiet coffee shop, set back just off the high street. The frilly table cloths and its endearing name were not what attracted me, it was simply the nearest shop to me when the unexpected downpour hit.

I wondered how I hadn’t noticed this place before; a small cafe called ‘Cup Cakes and Cappuccinos’, it wasn’t exactly a forgettable name! In fact it should be legendary with a ballsy name like that. Obviously it wasn’t as modern as a Starbucks, but it was quirky, and as I hung my sodden coat over the old fashioned style coat hanger, I turned to a welcoming lady who looked at me warmly.

“Oh dear, you got caught in the rain! Don’t worry though, you still look as pretty as a picture when soaking wet.” I smiled at the lady; she was perhaps mid 50’s with slightly purple tinged grey hair. She struck me as being as eccentric as her surroundings.

“Thank you” I said, whilst scanning over the chalk blackboard on the wall.

I tried to choose swiftly not getting too distracted with all the hand drawn flowers and swirls. Just standing in this environment I felt like I was reconnecting with the inner child in me. All of a sudden I felt all warm and fluffy, and almost playful. I eyed an item on the menu curiously; ‘lovingly baked triple chocolate surprise cookie, with raspberry sauce!’ Now you can see why the menu required a certain level of concentration.

“A cookie with sauce!” This seemed a bit out there! I can’t say I have ever tried something like that before. It was the kind of thing you would make at home when you were in an unexplainable craving mood. When you open all the cupboards and put raisins in icing and layer it on top of peanut butter covered digestives, at the hope that one of the bizarrely put together ingredients will combine into a taste sensation, and hit that illustrious spot.

“So you’re going for my special cookie huh. That one always gets everyone’s attention.” She proclaimed excitedly! I also order a black coffee to warm me up, and to hopefully take the edge of the amount of sugar that was heading my way. I’m usually pretty good when it came to self restraint, but if you can’t treat yourself during an unexpected downpour, when can you, I reasoned!

I wouldn’t often choose to walk into a café and sit down alone. I know it’s not an unusual thing to do, but sometimes that self-conscious feeling takes over and I just feel like I have a huge ‘yes I’m alone’ billboard pointing down at me. But when I’m forced into these things, or I should say, when things are unexpected they are sometimes more manageable. Why is that? I pondered to myself, whilst watching people dart past the window avoiding growing puddles.

I felt the presence of the friendly purple haired stranger approach me before she was in my line of vision. She seemed to emulate a radiance of happiness and care, which was vey welcoming. She placed the exciting looking creation down on the table and gladly topped up my coffee.

I heard myself offering before I could even think. “Would you like to join me, it’s quiet in here and maybe you are overdue a coffee break?”

The lady smiled looking genuinely humbled. Do you know, that sounds lovely!

She grabbed a mug and pulled up the chair next to me. I don’t know what propelled me to invite her to join me, I didn’t know what I was going to talk about, and for once I was actually content just sitting alone, but something hugely familiar yet intriguing made me want to be in this lady’s company. I think she sensed my mild fascination in her, and I could see her eying me almost as curiously.

“So you’re a new face she exclaimed. I never forget my customers and I know you haven’t been here before.”

“I didn’t even realise this café was here” I replied “Is it new?”

Almost spluttering out her coffee, she coughed and smiled, amused by what I had asked “No it’s not new, I’m perhaps one of the oldest shops in this town.”

“So how come somewhere as quaint as this is so quiet? It’s even raining out which usually means the most awful of places pull in crowds! Not that here is awful” I add hastily!

The lady still smiling simply said, “oh we do get busy, but some days are meant to be quiet; it allows time for other things.”

How curious an answer I thought; almost mysterious, like it had an undertone to its meaning. Cutting off my dithering thoughts the lady encouraged me; “You should eat that cookie whilst it’s still warm!”

“Warm I enquired?” The cookie was served in a small v shaped bowl. Its size allowed it to sit half way down the bowl almost like a cap, with the warm raspberry sauce pooled on top and a grazing of fresh chocolate curls. Realising this cookie wasn’t the kind you pick up and take a bite of I instinctively crashed my spoon into the centre, shattering the cookie into a surprising pool of whipped cream. This was more than a treat. This cookie was like the Aladdin’s cave of cookies, a real delight that gave you a little buzz whilst eating it. Not to mention the blend of 3 different chocolate chunks melting lovingly on the tongue as I savoured each mouthful. Divine seemed to dull a word to describe this treat!

“Mmm” I heard myself say, “Did you make this yourself?” I asked.

“Of course my dear, it’s been a bit of a passion of mine for years now, as you can tell!” she gently patted her stomach, in appreciation more than in embarrassment.

“You know, I have always loved the rain, its vey cleansing and refreshing! It’s amazing what a good storm can do to lift the spirit!” Almost sensing the irony I related to her words, the lady went on to talk, whilst I contentedly listened.

“So let me get this straight” said a baffled Mary,

“You are telling me in the same conversation about the conclusion of your endless friendship with Steve, and about this gorgeous home baked cookie you had! I have to say, I’m perplexed. From day to day I see how much this guy has effected you, made you laugh and smile and cry all at once, and now finally your ready to break free, you telling me what happened and I know more about the dam cookie!!! Not only that but I want one!!!”

The girls burst into laughter. “Oh you make me laugh girl. I wish you could sustain this carefree feeling, and acceptance of what’s happened but I know you, and I know it’s short lived.”

“Not this time” she replied joyfully. “I don’t want to skip to the end of the story before I tell you the beginning, but, something he said crushed me. He doesn’t even realise, because it wasn’t something of great relevance, it was just a passing conversation, and when he said it I felt my heart sink so far, it went deep past the point of just being hurt by it. It just dropped. It was the most saddest and unhappy feeling. Not like the times I have sat balling my eyes out with my strewn hair stuck between my damp cheek and pillow, but it was just; real!”

“Well what did he say?”

“He said that his girlfriend was coming to stay with him and his guardian for the first time.”

“That’s it, that’s the great life altering statement. I mean I have read all those stupid lardy-da self help books, and I know that not one of them says that a statement like that is capable of making you move on and accept the one great love you have is not going to be yours!” Mary threw a cushion at her, again sending the girls into fits of laughter!

“I know it sounds crazy but I think after everything we have said, done, been through, I think that this one stupid point has had such an impact because I could see that he is continuing with his life. He is making plans! He is doing the things he wants to do! When was the last time I planned ahead and actually did it! I never do, because I’m never certain about anything, the odd time I am, it’s because it’s what I truly want to do. Steve wants to be with his girlfriend. I have been and always will be a bizarre little blip on the radar. Rather than focus all my time and energy thinking about how I can make him see me! I need to do what he’s doing; having a fucking life!”

Mary got to her feet and started clapping! “I would just like to state for all and sundry, that my friend, is bloody awesome!” Cocking her head slightly and speaking slightly hushed, she couldn’t resist adding; “it took a long time coming, but everyone has a eureka moment, and this is yours. You have definitely put the time in, and I hope you feel that the investment was a fucking waste of money ha-ha, if only there was a refund policy!”

“Thanks love! She exclaimed giggling “I knew you always had faith in my decisions!”

“Yes well, I did, until I saw how deluded you became. It’s normal and perfectly healthy to fall in love with the wrong guy, but when you start twisting all the negatives into some kind of crazy fantasy that they were positives, I realised that you were on a lonely path to Pittsville!”

“Check you out; being so wise all of a sudden, you’re lucky you have the best relationship in the world”

“Yes I have, your right, but that just gives me more space to observe all your fuck ups, which in hindsight may make me less experienced, but I’m learning just as fast, through your mistakes. If I ever step one foot near that ladder you have been climbing, I urge you to put a gun in my hand!”

“Come here you silly cow, I need a hug!”

The girls embraced, and Mary said quietly, “you know it has killed me seeing you so unhappy, you’re such a fantastic person, and you deserve the life you want!”

Feeling stronger than ever, she let no tears fall, and smiled! “I know, no pain no gain right! Oh!” Her hands fell limply to her curled up knees; “me and Steve are supposed to meet up next Monday and talk about what happened the other night, but do you know what, I don’t need to anymore, I don’t need him to understand me, and why I temporarily lost the plot. I have to stop thinking that by talking to him about it, that it will actually help me moved forward. I don’t need his reasons or his input anymore. I do need him to be in my life as a friend, so I know he’s ok and happy, but that’s it!”

“Then don’t meet him” added Mary helpfully.

“I wish it were that easy. I know what he is like though. He will think my strength and distance is a temporary thing. He will say I’m not being myself, even though for once, I am!”

“Didn’t we just conclude that we don’t need to know what he thinks anymore? If he questions your attitude, or your lack of wanton affection that makes good old Steve feel special, then just go. Hang up, walk away, say you’re busy, and better still - be busy! Make less time for him. You may see that he’s confused by this, and feels slightly redundant, but were putting you first now, not him. You are out for number fucking one, and no one else!”

“I hear ya girl. It’s time to eradicate that slushy mushy sap in me! It’s time to get in touch with the girl inside, the leather wearing superbike riding, fun loving kick boxer inside!”

“Kick boxer? Huh? ermm, are you confusing yourself with Lara Croft now; because, I’m all for change, but let’s be realistic girl!”

“I’m capable of doing kick boxing, and better still your coming with me! I have booked us onto Wednesday’s evening class! Oh did I forget to mention it!” she exclaimed with a huge grin!

“I don’t know if I like the new you” she said smiling.

“Oh you have no choice but too, or I will use my new skills on you!”

“Ok miss tomb raider herself” I’m still a bit confused though; what does your impromptu visit to a chic little café have to do with anything?

“Well” I said “that’s where the story really begins!”