My story

I know I have no right to feel the way I do, but I can't help it. He's not my boyfriend, but does he have to be? Doesn't a good friend worry about their friends? I know it's not my fault, but I feel so responsible.. I remember when he first talked to me and I could hardly concentrate on what was happening around me. I pretended that I didn't have feelings for him, but Oh! How I did! I fell in love with his gray eyes, perfect smile, and perfect hair. None of my friends understood why I liked him so much. They didn't see the things I saw that made me fall in love with he. I'd sit at the table with my friends and wonder why he went with the girl that he did. She didn't deserve him… He'd sit with her and she'd put her head on his shoulder. I understood why that could not be me. I'm not as pretty as she was, nor did I compete with her body.. She was taller than me, had blue eyes, and long blonde hair.. Everything that I didn't. She didn't understand how luck she was!!

That day outside, he came over to my table where I sat with my friend. I was eating an apple. He said something that sounded perverted about the action at which I giggled. He put his hands in mine and began to stroke my thumb. I could not believe this was happening to me! We got up an switched tables where more of my friends sat. He put his hands around my waist and rubbed my sides. I feel in love with just this. He said: "Aww, she's pretty and she knows it." Me? Pretty??? He could not have been talking about me. I was anything but pretty. My smile is ugly, I have plain brown eyes, unexciting dark brown hair, and I was much shorter than him.. He couldn't have been talking about me….

This happened the next couple of days or so.. He'd come sit at my table and make me feel like the luckiest person in the world. I remember when he would kiss me on the forehead , and I'd die inside. I regret that I didn't tell him I loved him when he'd ask me. He would say: "Do you love me?" or "Say you loved me." And I didn't.. Now this makes me want to cry. I did love him, but I couldn't tell him that. I didn't have it in me.. But I can say it now. I do love you! But it's too late…

When we got back from our first band festival, we stood in the back of the room watching our performance. He had his arm around me and I had my head on his chest. I never wanted to let him go. We fit so perfectly together… We giggled at our mistakes we saw in the show and tried to find each other marching. People would walk by and stare, but we'd never say a word. We were happy together. When the video was over, he kissed me on the forehead as he would do from now on. He said: "Go get some sleep my love." This would send shivers up my spine.  My love.

As perfect as things were, I knew it wouldn't last. They never do.

But one day, the last playoff game, we had just found out that our dreams of going to the championship game were over. Laurel had beat us. This brought tears to everyone's eyes. My lover saw me, took me in his arms, and gave me the biggest hug he'd ever given me. Just like all these weeks of not communicating had not happened, like we were picking up where we had left off. After awhile he kissed me on my forehead and asked me if I was ok.

He was always a good friend to me. When I needed him, he was there. So why can't I be there when he needs me? Just as a friend. He doesn't deserve to go through what he is. If no one else sees the good in him, I do. I don't regret saying that he is the best thing that has happened to me. I just don't know what to do or if he would want my help. I just want to talk to him one last time, before I will never see him again. Just one last time. Maybe he's forgotten what we had, but I won't. I never will. I'll never love someone as much as I did him. I love you s.w.