The Three Sides To Love

Love works in mysterious ways. Whether you notice them or not, there
are always three sides to love. Some people live their whole lives with
the same view of love, I however, have felt all three and finally come
to the decision of which one I believe is right.

I woke constantly throughout the night. I had visions of her lying
beside me, but she was never there. I could almost hear her steady
breathing. I could, it was her, she was there. I rolled over, suddenly
wide awake, my eyes searching for her in the darkness. She wasn't
there; it had been a breeze from the window blowing against the small
of my neck. I fell back into the warmth of my bed, maybe next time I
wake she'll be there. "Maybe next time" I told myself.

I woke again three hours later following an interminable dream filling
all aspects of the definition of a nightmare. It felt like she had
taunted me for an eternity, "through this door, now this one, I'm over
here, you're so close I can almost touch you. But I don't want to. Get
back, get away, you never loved me, why should I want you?" Romance was
all I ever tried to provide for her. I had realistic dreams for the
future and she had pride of place in all of them. What did I expect?
Flowers in return, half the chocolate box conserved just for me? No, I
only ever asked for her presence; the hidden gift.

It made me realise that I had been remembering the only good things
about her. When I look back now, all I can see is her controlling me. I
never had my way. She started an argument nearly every night and been
the cause of numerable A&;E visits. But it had always been me,
slumped over the hospital bed, hooked up to saline drips, fighting for
my life in theatre. Talk about the dramatic arts. She threw me out time
and time again, but I was so blind I came back for more.

Days past, as summer turned to autumn the leaves changed and so did my
life. I moved out of the flat and into an apartment in the city. I made
and lost friends. Each time I met a girl I asked myself "is she going
to hurt me too?" I couldn't keep a girlfriend for longer than a month;
I just couldn't give them my full commitment.

People say that it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have
loved at all, but my mind said that I wished I had never fallen in
love.

Love broke my heart, and who knows, maybe that's what I'll die of.