Before

Before

by M.M. Fenner
(With thanks to Lucy who started it all)
It was a long time ago. The sky was blue, the fields were green and
the water was clean. Now the whole planet looks different. Completely
different.
The world changed and I am not sure that I have enough strength or
words to compare this world with the one before. But I will try.
Why did everything change so suddenly?
I don't think that anybody can answer that question. Actually, I don't
think they care. Everybody thinks that it has to be like it is.
Everyone has come to accept this world. That is the way it is taught to
us. It has been that way ever since the 'Event'.
But I know different. I know. And so did Lorus.
My name is Arkin. I am 15 years old. Lorus was my friend. Lorus. A
thin young man with a sallow complexion and deep, dark, thoughtful
eyes. We, Lorus and I are, or were, Insiders. Let me explain.
The Event was something that happened two hundred years ago. No one
has ever been told exactly what happened, but, whatever the Event was,
it changed everything that had been before. It changed the whole world
as it was then known. And a lot of people, millions, billions had
died.
Some people went underground into something called 'Bunkers'. These
were man made structures deep underground. They were sealed from the
outside and the people who went into them came to be known as
'Insiders'. One such bunker was situated beneath something called 'The
Dome'. By being underground, they survived the Event. Their numbers
were few.
Whatever had happened during the Event it caused damage to the world,
which lasted for many, many years. The air, soil and water all became
contaminated. Hence the need for refuge beneath the earth.
According to our history lessons from Screen Teach it was almost
exactly one hundred years afterwards that some of the Insiders called
Scouts emerged. They found a very different, strange world. Deserted
streets, ruined buildings, animal and human skeletons scattered all
around. And, worst of all they found that some people, later called
'Outsiders' had survived. They were horrible creatures that looked half
human half animal with their long straggly hair, beards and worn
clothing. These Outsiders were not friendly. They had returned to some
form of tribal behaviour and were violent and cruel. They killed a
number of Scouts before they could return safely to the Dome. Because
of this the outside world was deemed by the Leaders to be a very unsafe
place.
Over a period of time living space became more and more restricted in
the bunker. This led the Leaders to decree that anyone aged 40 years or
over had to either become an Outsider or go into sleep storage in
things called 'Chambers'. Those who did choose the Outside were never
seen again. Those who chose sleep were to be revived once colonies had
been established and more room was available. No one has been revived
so far.
Despite these strict controls, the Insider population continued to
increase and a time came when the Leaders ordered that groups known as
'Colonists' should be sent out.
That is how we came to be here. My mother has told me that some years
ago a group of Colonists was sent out to this place, now called Swale
Pod because of the area it is in. Travelling in sealed vehicles they
had to wear air-tight suits whenever they left the transports. Amongst
the Colonists were single people, couples and families, although
families as such were not common because of population control. Each
Colonist unit had all the talents present to ensure success and
survival. Engineers to build and maintain the Pods. Science workers for
food production, water, air and waste re-cycling. Medics for health.
Protectors who would keep 'Outsiders' away. Technicians whose role was
to serve whatever needs the Pod had as a whole.
Very simply a pod is a metal box which when joined to other boxes
forms habitation and working units. Each unit has a large, central pod
in which is the big screen. All communication, instruction, education
and control comes through the Screen, hence the name Screen Teach. We
Insiders have perfected the art of re-cycling. All our air within the
pod is purified and re-cycled, as is our water. All water, including
urine. Food comes in the form of coloured tablets depending on whether
they are supposed to be main supplements or desert supplements. Even
our food is re-cycled. What is eaten once can effectively be eaten
again and again to ensure that all nutrition is obtained. Power is
provided by generators, which supply heat, light, and energy for
general use, machines and the like. A certain amount is passed back to
rechargeable units to ensure a constant supply
The Pods is a microcosm of The Dome, which is the centre of this new
civilisation.
I was once told that it was possible for any Insider to become a
Leader, but I have never known or heard of anyone who did.
So this is how we live now and what our lives are like. It is a hard,
day-to-day, existence. Our only contact with The Dome is through the
Screen and the weekly transport journeys between them and us. Sometimes
these transports are either delayed or even cancelled because of
attacks by Outsiders. There is no thought of tomorrow. Certainly no
thoughts of the past. Each Pod is on its own although linked to The
Dome. Each Pod exists in its own right, and there is little, if any
contact between Pods. The Dome controls all.
There are many things about which I am puzzled. Things that I do not
understand. For instance, what was the Event? What happened? I did once
ask Screen Teach only to be told that it was a terrible thing with
world changing consequences. I already knew that. I asked about
Outsiders. How was it that they had managed to survive? And had
children, who had obviously had children and so on. How had this
happened if outside was such a dangerous place? All Screen Teach would
say was that Outsiders were contaminated vermin who were kept away from
us by our brave Protectors. I asked why no one has been revived even
though the colonisation seems to be working well. Screen Teach would
only say that that was a matter for the Leaders and them alone.
After that I felt somehow that it was perhaps better not to ask
questions.
* * * * * *
I found the tunnel and Library by accident. One day I was in the Air
Filtration Unit cleaning the floor. All young Insiders are expected to
do some form of work on the sixth day. I had swept the floor and was
mopping it when I kicked the bucket over spilling water everywhere. At
first I didn't notice anything unusual, but then I realized that the
water was disappearing underneath a filing cabinet.
With quite an effort I was able to slide the cabinet to one side.
There, in the floor, was some kind of panel.
I mopped the rest of the water up and had a close look at the panel.
On one side there was a 'D' shaped ring. I don't know what I expected
to happen but I pulled on the ring and the whole panel came up. Beneath
was a square, dark hole. On one side of this hole was a ladder
descending into the darkness.
And now I had a dilemma. I was curious about this hole and where it
went. I was desperate to explore as only a young person can be. But I
didn't have a torch. And what if someone came and found the hatch
open?
I decided reluctantly that I would have to wait.
* * * * * *
The next Sixth Day, I was again cleaning the Air Filtration Room. This
time I was prepared.
I moved the cabinet and opened the hatch. From what I could see, the
hatch did not lock. So all I had to do was close it after me when I
went down. That way, if anyone did come into the room whilst I was in
the tunnel, hopefully they wouldn't notice anything.
With great trepidation I began to climb down the ladder. By the light
of the torch I could see that this hole went down some fifteen feet. At
the bottom of the ladder I found a tunnel. I couldn't stand up
straight, but I didn't have to crawl along either. The walls, ceiling
and floor were smooth. I walked along for some five minutes before
coming to a turn. From then on I went straight for ten minutes. It
seemed like forever.
Then I found myself at a dead end. There was a ladder on the wall in
front of me. Shinning the torch above me I could see another hatch. I
climbed up and gently pushed. I didn't stop to think about what, or
who, might be on the other side. I just pushed.
The hatch flew open and fell back onto the floor. Bang. The noise was
incredibly loud. It seemed to echo and re-echo along the tunnel below
and behind me. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears and my heart
was pounding. I stayed still until the echoes had stopped and silence
reigned again. Raising my head above the level of the hatch and shining
the torch into the darkness I could see that I was in a small room. On
one side of the room was some kind of machine with various dials and
cables. Apart from that the room was empty. I knew that this was not a
typical Pod room, which puzzled me.
Climbing out of the hatch, I noticed that there was a lot of dust. It
lay thick on the floor and on the top of the machine. The silence was
heavy.
There was a door, which I approached very slowly. Taking hold of the
handle I pressed it down. I don't think I really expected the door to
open, but it did. The hinges were quite stiff and made the most
horrible noise.
Beyond, I found myself in a very large room. It is difficult to
describe it. There were shelves around the walls and in the middle with
walkways in between. Along one wall there were some tables with small
machines, boxes with what looked like small screens. These were
connected to other boxes and keyboards and a very small box with two
buttons at one end. The thick dust lay everywhere here too. It was very
quiet.
On the other side of this room was another door. Well it was double
door actually. Virtually all glass. Through these doors, in the light
of the torch, I could see stairs leading up to what appeared to be
another set of double doors, this time all wood. I tried to open the
glass doors, but they wouldn't move. Either jammed or locked or both, I
assumed.
Turning back to face into the room I shone the torch around. I noticed
a switch on the wall next to me and flicked it. I did not really think
it would work and it didn't. I began to explore by torchlight. Taking a
small container from a shelf, I opened it and found that it contained a
disc. On these shelves there must have been hundreds, thousands of
discs. Closing the container in my hand I noticed the title.
'The Concise History of the Twentieth Century'. I thought for a long
time. Moving to another section I found a container entitled 'The Bird
Life of Britain'. In another section one entitled 'Modern Atlas - CD
Rom'.
Walking back to the glass doors I noticed a small table next to the
wall. I had noticed it before but not really paid it much attention. On
the front of the desk was a sign, which read:
'Library'.
Below was a separate sign:
'CD Reference'
I had found 'Library' - 'CD Reference' whatever that meant.
I looked at my watch and found that I had been there for over an hour.
I had to get back. As I made my way back to the tunnel my mind was in a
spin. What was all this? What did it all mean? If only there was some
power I could maybe get one of the small screens working. What things
would I find out? What would I look for first? Thoughts just went
racing through my mind. I kept thinking. Power. Somehow, I need to get
some power. But how? From the Pod perhaps? And how to do it without
getting found out.
As I began to climb down the ladder I looked, by chance, at the
machine opposite. I had seen the panel with words on as I first entered
but had not realized their significance. Then it hit me. The answer to
my power problem was staring me in the face. It was in the wording on
the panel. 'Standby Generator'.
* * * * * *
The following Sixth Day couldn't come fast enough for me. But come it
did and once again I found myself in the room next to Library. On the
previous week, as I had left I had found a book called 'Standby
Generator - Operating Instructions' next to the machine. I had studied
this book (the first I had seen and without knowing that that was what
it was called) from cover to cover during the week. Now I was confident
that I could get the machine working.
I did everything I should have done. Checked oil levels, fuel levels,
etc and re-checked them. Now I stood ready to see if the machine would
work. Finger poised above the green 'Start' button I took a deep
breath. Then pressed. Nothing happened. A wave of disappointment
flooded over me. I sat on the floor and shook my head. Deciding not to
give up so easily I went through everything again. And then I noticed
something I had not seen before. A note on the bottom of one of the
pages. 'Ensure that Safety Cut Out Switch has been re-activated before
operation'. I found the said switch and set it to 'On'. It was green
button time again. Deep breath. Press 'Start'.
The noise of the machine bursting into life was monstrous. I felt that
it would deafen me and be heard at the other end of the tunnel. I
quickly shut the hatch in the floor. Great clouds of dust leapt into
the air rushing in all directions. Standing still, I waited to see what
would happen next. The dust began to settle and somehow, after a few
minutes, the noise from the generator did not seem so loud. Well, I
thought, that seems to be okay. Time to find out what else works.
I went into the main room and flicked a switch. A row of lights burst
into life along one of the sections. Several of them 'popped' and went
out. But enough stayed on to be able to see. Success, I thought. I went
over to the tables with the small screen machines on. Looking at them
closely, I found that the screen box, the keyboard and the two button
box were all connected to a larger box which was, in turn, connected to
what appeared to be a power source unit. Having checked that all the
connections were good I found what seemed to be an 'On' button. With
another deep breath I pressed it.
Something started to make a whirring noise in the largest box. A light
came on at the front. Several lights flashed on the keyboard. A green
light glowed brightly on the screen box. Within moments I found myself
staring at a blue screen with small pictures on it. beneath each
picture were words like 'My Computer', 'Network Neighbourhood' and
'Recycle Bin'. I understood none of it, but knew that it was incredible
and very important. I also knew, somehow, that things would never be
the same for me again.
* * * * * *
Over the next few weeks I found out how to work the machine. I
discovered that the two-button box moved an arrow on the screen box and
that by clicking on the left button you could get into things called
'Programmes'. I also discovered how the discs fitted into the machines.
On these discs was a whole new world. Or rather I realised that this
was the old world. This was 'Before'.
The first disc I looked at was something called an 'Encyclopaedia'.
Amongst many other things this contained a history of Before, or some
of it at least. What a history it was. Years, centuries, hundreds of
centuries, thousands. Too much to take in. It was about all of us.
Insiders and Outsiders. Human kind.
I learnt that in the Before people, all people, had lived outside. Not
in sealed Pods, but in things called houses, flats, villages, towns,
cities, and countries. No Pods. No Insiders or Outsiders. Different
colours and races and shapes and sizes. Just people living in one
world. They could live alone, if they chose. Or in families. Whole
communities. There were children. Lots of them. People grew old. There
was something called 'death' and although this did seem to be a source
of sadness, this passed and life went on.
There had been music and dancing and celebrations. I heard it. I could
even hear some of these people speak. There had been things called
'wars'. But there had also been something called 'peace' which appeared
to have lasted much longer than war. A lot of what I saw, I just did
not understand. Great wealth in parts of this world and great poverty
in others for example. Crime. Punishment. What were they?
The world of Before had had mountains, valleys, lakes, rivers and vast
seas. The skies above this world could be clear and blue or dark and
thundery. Something called rain (which I learned was water) fell.
Plants and trees grew. And there were animals, so many animals. In the
air, on the land in the water. What an incredible world this had been.
Our world.
I didn't tell Lorus about Library for several weeks. I was being
selfish. It was mine and I wanted to keep it to myself. But he was my
friend. After a time I found that I wanted to share my discovery and
all that I had learned with him. Everything about it was just so
wonderful. So awe inspiring that it had to be shared. Looking back now
of course I cannot help but wish I had not.
* * * * * *
When he saw the room, Lorus was speechless. He just stood with his
mouth open staring round and round. He said that he was angry with me
for keeping it a secret and not telling him sooner, but I knew that he
wasn't really.
I sat him at the machine next to one I used and showed him how to work
it. He soon had the hang of it and before long he was exploring the
discs for himself. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He was
engrossed, lost in the world of Before. At one point he found a music
disc, which he sat and listened to without moving until it had
finished. At the end he was crying. He said that he didn't know why it
had made him cry but it had.
It was many weeks later that Lorus said that we should tell others. I
asked him who and he said others, like us. Young Insiders. When I asked
why, he said that it, Library, was something that should be shared with
everyone. I didn't like the idea at all. Perhaps, even then, I knew
that it would end in sadness. I don't know. I just said that I was not
happy with the idea. For a while Lorus was quiet. Then he shrugged his
shoulders and that was that. Or so I thought.
Then, one day as we sat in Library, Lorus said that we really should
tell someone. Turning towards him I found myself looking into those
dark serious eyes. He had obviously given this a great deal of thought.
I asked why and he said very quietly that others had to know. They
should know that once there had been this other world where people and
animals and plants even had lived. Lorus said that whatever we were
doing now, it was not living.
He looked at me for a long time. Such a long time. Then he said that
if young people, or indeed anyone, could be told about this then they
might just realise that things do not have to be the way they are. It
does not have to be this way as we had always been told. There was
something more than Pods and sterile air. There was life. And freedom.
Poor dear Lorus. He was a dreamer, an idealist. In the words of Before,
he would probably have been called a revolutionary.
I was horrified. And yet, in my heart, I knew that what Lorus said was
true. I also knew that whilst we had both found a lost world in
Library, Lorus with his gentleness and sensitivity had seen more than
that. I had seen things and yet not seen past them. Lorus had seen
beyond the surface. He had seen people living not just existing. People
whose lives had a greater purpose than just serving Leaders. Lorus
really had seen so much more than I.
I asked him who he thought we should tell. Who could we trust? What
would happen once it all came out? (I don't think it occurred to either
of us that someone might try to stop it coming out). What would happen
to us? Lorus had no answres and neither did I.
It doesn't matter now. Nothing does. Lorus told someone. I don't know
who. As the weeks went by and I did not mention the subject again, he
must have decided to tell someone anyway. Whoever he told must have
then told someone else. So they killed him. The keepers.
* * * * * *
One afternoon as I walked along the tunnel towards Library, I could
see light coming through the hatch and hear the hum of the generator.
Lorus and I went to library on the sixth day after we hard worked.
Sometimes he got there before I did, so I wasn't worried. Lorus often
forgot to shut the hatch if he got there before me. I remember smiling
to myself as I recalled how forgetful Lorus could be. As I went into
Library I suddenly felt that something was different. No, not
different. Something was wrong. I didn't call out as I could have done,
I'm not sure why. There was an atmosphere in Library, a stillness, a
heaviness in the air. I felt a knot forming within my stomach. Slowly
increasing its grip on my insides. Tighter and tighter it became until
I felt sick. And scared.
I saw Lorus. He was sitting with his back to me at the machine he
always used. He seemed to be slumped slightly. I noticed that he had
not switched my machine on for me, which he usually did if he got there
first. I would be grateful for this later. Walking slowly I went and
stood behind him. Placing my hand on his shoulder would, I thought,
make him jump, but it didn't. He just went on sitting there with his
head down. Turning him slowly I saw the blood in his lap first. So much
of it. Then I saw his face. Black and blue where he had been beaten.
Worse than that, his throat had been cut.
Deep within me a scream was born. From the pit of my stomach, it grew,
twisting, stretching, fighting to break free. It filled my lungs, my
chest and throat swelling to the point where I thought it would explode
and I would be destroyed by it. But nothing came out.
The lights suddenly went out. Darkness and silence surrounded me. I
felt something hit the back of my head. As I hit the floor, the last
thing I can remember seeing dimly was a pair of boots. Keeper
boots.
* * * * * *
When I awoke I found myself in a square white room devoid of any
furniture. I was naked. There was no noise, just a heavy oppresive
silence. And no lights as such. The whole ceiling was light. It stayed
on all the time. Bright, unrelenting. There was no day or night. Just
light. I did sleep, but it was always troubled. The sight of Lorus in
that chair would be in my mind as I opened my eyes to find myself
bathed in sweat. When you are kept in white, featureless surroundings,
with nothing to give an idea of time whatsoever time very quickly
ceases to have any meaning. I was fed - colourless tablets and water -
served on a white tray and in a white cup. There was even a white
bucket for my waste.
I do not know how long they questioned me for. I say 'they' but what I
really mean is 'he'. A short, thin faced man with cold blue emotionless
eyes. I could feel that this man had no conscience, no soul. The
questions were always the same. How did I know about Library? Had Lorus
taken me there? When had I first gone there? What had I seen and heard
and learnt?
My answers were always the same. I knew nothing about Library. I had
found the panel in the Air Filtration Room open and, being curious, I
had entered it. I had found Lorus dead. Yes, I did know Lorus but he
had never told me anything about Library. I did not know
anything.
They cajoled me. Tried to bribe me. Made promises about my safety. My
story did not change. Finally they beat me. It is strange how pain can
cease to have meaning when you have too much of it. There came a point
where I felt no more pain. I was pain. A constant, dull ache
everywhere. They could do nothing more to hurt me.
The only pain I really felt now was one that they could neither
increase or take away. The pain in my head that was the constant
picture of Lorus. So much blood, his misshapen face and those lifeless
staring eyes. Lorus dead.
Who knows how the Keepers work? Why they do or do not do something. I
don't that is for sure. They didn't kill me I do know that. Perhaps
they believed me. Maybe they wanted to wait. To see if, in time, I
would tell what I knew? Who knows indeed? In any event I am still
alive. I was moved to this place.
My room is still small, square and white. I have a bed. Everything is
still white including the thin clothing I wear. At least I am no longer
naked. There are no more questions and no more beatings. Every so often
I am taken from my room to another room, which contains a white table,
a drawer unit and two white chairs. Here I sit alone until a man enters
and sits down opposite me.
It is always the same. He asks me how I am and I say that I am fine.
He says that that is good. I ask when I can go home and he says "Soon".
Then I am taken back to my room and left alone. Apart from this there
is silence. I once thought that I heard someone crying. They were
sobbing uncontrollably, beyond reach or comfort. It may have been
me.
Once, when I had been taken to see the man with the desk, he turned
away from me to look in the drawers behind him. Noticing some paper and
a pen on his desk I seized my opportunity and stole them. When he
turned towards me he didn't seem to notice that anything was
missing.
And so I have written it down. I keep the papers rolled up inside one
of the metal legs of my bed. Perhaps, one day, someone will find them
and Lorus' dream will come true. Perhaps.
They call the place I am in 'The Haven'. From my time at Library I
know that this place has another name. In the time of Before I know
what they would have called it.
An Asylum.