Confused Innocence

I’m such a contradiction
In some ways I’m innocent
As a rose
Or a lamb

In other ways it’s gone
Forever
No choice

It’s so hard
Inside, I’m not innocent
I think
I don’t know

I want to be innocent
But I don’t want to either
I want to do things that innocence can’t
But I’m not ready to leave it that fully

I have so many thoughts
That prove my innocence is gone
But I can’t say then aloud easily
So does that mean it’s still here?

I wish so badly
I could make up my mind
It’s so hard
Tying to be both

I wish people would take control
Especially guys
But I still want my own way

I don’t know what I want
I’m too confused
Actually I do
I think

In horniness, I want a guy to control
To talk the talk and make me tingle
But in all else
I want to be an equal
And have my will respected

I guess that’s right
I want flattery
I want love

I want to know whether I’m innocent
Or whether that’s gone for good
In open, I act innocent
But what does that mean?
I don’t know