Medicine

I am now eight years old and I must admit, at the moment, the future
doesn't seem too good. My father has been taking the medicine for some
time now and my mother is always out. I spend most of my time by myself
and possibly think about these things too much.
I used to go to school but I haven't gone for some time now. My parents
haven't paid the fees for three terms now and although the teacher says
I am still welcome, I feel too shy - my uniform is tattered, my pencil
box only contains one pencil and I never had money for sweets or
anything.
I spend the days playing in the house or in the rice fields. I like to
sit under one of the big trees. I draw pictures in the dirt with a
stick. I usually try and avoid people, but if I get very hungry I go
and play with the ducks behind Uncle Som's house. Aunt Noy will call me
in for something to eat. They always have lots of food in Uncle Som's
house. Sometimes Aunt Noy gives me a little money or some kind of
special treat. I don't go and play with the ducks too often though. I
know Aunt Noy feels sorry for me and it reminds me of things and I wish
people didn't have to feel sorry for me.
When I said mother is always out, it wasn't really true. She is often
in the house but she is sleeping, or if she isn't sleeping, she doesn't
see me, which is the same as if she were out. She used to have a little
time for me. She used to ask me for lottery numbers, but I could never
get them quite right and she must have known that I would never get
them right and I don't think she has forgiven me for all the bad
numbers. Grandma used to love me. She told me.
Four o'clock is the best time of day for me because that is when all of
the other children come home from school and especially because that's
when Namwan comes home from school. She is my best friend and is very
nice. She does not blame me and she does not feel sorry for me. She
always has new things to show me or new stories to tell me. We can play
and play and play. Sometimes she has homework and I sit and watch her
do it and it makes me feel happy. I don't mind if Aunt Noy looks at me
and feels sorry for me. I don't mind if she talks with her friends. I
can hear her. I know she is kind and I know that she is worried. But
most of all I don't mind because I am with Namwan and when I am with
Namwan everything is OK.
Father has changed. He is only interested in the medicine. He is even
selling it now. Sometimes the police come to the house and try and find
the medicine, but they never can. Father is too clever. People talk
about father. I hear them. They say you can't trust him, that he might
do anything. People say he has the big disease but I know he is only so
thin because he doesn't eat and he only looks so haggard because he
doesn't sleep. Even though father has changed, I still love him dearly.
He is my father.
Last week my mother and father had a terrible fight. They often fight
but this time it was much worse. Father was so crazy I could hardly
recognise him. He kept hitting mother and she kept screaming and
shouting. Father took a hammer and hit mother across the head with it.
I was so scared. Mother was lying on the floor and I could see her body
shaking. She was curled up with her hands covering her head. Father was
standing over her with the hammer still in his hand as if he was
waiting for her to say something more before he continued his assault.
Mother remained silent. I ran out of the house and charged down to
Uncle Som's house. Aunt Noy didn't want Uncle Som to go with me. She
said that father was on the medicine and who could tell what he would
do. But Uncle Som went with me anyway. When we arrived back at my
house, father was sitting outside. The whole upper part of his body was
covered with blood. He had a large knife in his hand and he was slowly
drawing it across his chest. Uncle Som ran into the house and came out
carrying mother. He took her away and I was left alone with father. He
looked up and saw me and I knew he could see me because he dropped the
knife. He was crying, although I don't know why. Perhaps he still loves
me.
Far into the rice fields there is a large pond. It is a magical place.
Insects dance on the surface of the water and the sounds of the village
cannot be heard. It is a place where I like to come by myself and where
I can think about things. I have decided that when the police next come
to the house and when they cannot find the medicine, I will show them
where it is. And they will take it away and they will take father away
and when he comes back, he will be as he was before he ever knew the
medicine.
And till he comes back I will live at Uncle Som's house and I will play
with Namwan and Mahey. I will start to go to school again. And if
things aren't like that, I will walk far into the fields to the large
pond, and I will stay there forever and I will answer the wishes of all
the people who come to that magical spot.