Forgivness

Note: I wrote this on MS Word but couldn't think about how to make it into a doc from a docx. Anyway, this is my fist story, i'll take any criticism's I can get, anything that can help me become better.

I steps out of the cab and hands the driver a twenty, as the driver takes it with a nod and drives off I walk up the stone steps and head to the electronic key pad. I press the number “4”, “0”, and “2” in order and wait. The sound of a dial tone emitting after each key finally it starts dialing and I wait
Shuffling my feet nervously I looks down at the piece of paper in my hand. It’s wrinkled and frail from the numerous times I’ve crumbled it up into a tight ball on the ride over. The paper
808 Northwest Boulevard apt number 402.
“Hello?” a woman says on the receiving end.
“Yes, is this Cassandra Bell?” I ask
“Yes” the woman replies then without hesitation she buzzed me in and said “Come on up”

Opening the door I step inside into a small lobby with a wall of mailboxes and a few chairs facing the window. I walk to the elevator at the end of the lobby and hit the up button and wait a few seconds before the door opens. I step inside and wait press “four” as the elevator ascends I dust my coat off and straighten my shirt fixing my collar. I step out as the doors open and start down the hallway hanging a left and passing one door then stop at the next, I placed my hand on the wooden door fingering the metal knocker. I take a deep breath and push it into the door. A few seconds later I hear “it’s open”
Gripping the handle I push the door open and step inside. The apartment is small with a kitchen off to the side; the floor’s dirty with dust bunnies scattered about, the refrigerator hums by the door and water drips annoyingly from the tap. The air is thick with gray wisps of smoke and the stench constricts my throat tightly. I walk down the hallway shutting the door behind me and step into the living room, where three different people are sitting. A man, sitting in a bean bag chair, he has tan skin and tattoos strewn all over his arms, his hair is dark and sticks up, for some reason it reminds me of the hair on Cabbage Patch Dolls. His stairs up at me but says nothing.
In a chair off to one corner is another man, he’s white and almost blends in with the smoke. He has balding hair and dark beady eyes that seem to pulsate out of his skull. He’s shirtless and on his chest visible through the haze is a tattoo that says “Courage, Pride, Power” in bold lettering. Except he doesn’t look that prideful, he has a large torso and the word power seems to look a bit disorder. To me it looks like a tat you’d get when you’re younger and top dog in a group or gang. Which is probably the case, but he doesn’t look like top dog now. More like top boar. He stares at me for a few long seconds then says “Who the fuck are you”

“That’s Rick” Says a woman lying on the couch, she has blond hair that looks like it’s graying. Her skin caresses her bones like tight leather. Her eyes are bulgy and red. Her body looks semi emaciated, and clenched between a cracked top tooth and a yellowed bottom tooth is a cigarette. Its red lit tip glowing like the eye of the devil in a veil of fog.

“Actually” I said trying to grasp a clean breath of air. “My name’s Mathew…I’m your son” I said staring down at her.
“No shit, Matt?” She asked quickly getting up and sitting cross legged, on the couch. I could see now the bumps on her skin, multiple hives on her shoulders. She brushed away locks of hair and stared at me for a long period of time.
“Go” she said turning to the two guys sitting across from her. The two guys got up and started toward the front door. The half-naked man throwing a shirt on as they stepped out. The door shut behind us and we were alone. “Sit:” she demanded. I did as she instructed and took a seat on the ottoman of one of the chairs.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” She asked staring at me with coldness to her eyes. “You reject me all these years and you waltz up here? What grandma and grandpa tell you where to find me?” She asked
“Yes” I replied trying not to melt, the woman in front of me was my mother; she had a way of being curt and vicious with her words. She eyed me for a long time, watching me melt into putty. “I…..I wanted to try and talk to you, get to know you, reason with you, maybe help you?” I said
“Reason with me, help me, what am I a charity case?” Cassandra asked. “How old are you right now Matt?” She asked putting out her cigarette and lighting another one.
“I’m twenty-three” I said
“When’s the last time you talked to me Matt?” She asked. I hesitated for a moment, we both knew the answer.
“I was eighteen” I said exasperated
“Six years you haven’t said a word to me. Six god damned years, and every time before that you tried talking to me, it was because you wanted to tell me how much you hated me, how much I hurt you, how I left you scarred. So tell me Matt, what do you have to say now? What words are you going to hurt me with today? What’s there to know about me that your grandparents haven’t told you?’ How is it you plan on helping me Matt?” She asked not taking her eyes off of me. I could feel my insides screaming, trying hard not lose control and breakdown into tears. Out of every woman I’ve ever come to know, my mother was the one who could always make me melt, feel like shit and fall to pieces. She always caused me pain, always made me numb.
“I know I hurt you……I can’t take back what I did.” Cassandra said after a long period of silence.
“You don’t know how bad you made me feel, you were always in and out of my life, you never stuck around.” I said
“I never stay in one place.” She replied
“And your still….still doing drugs.” I said “and hanging out with low life scum.” I added venomously
“So you judge me for the company I keep, yes my friends are drug users and dealers, hookers and thieves. But you are judging people you don’t know well would be like me judging your friends.” She said.
“I know I’m a horrible person Mathew, but I don’t need you to come back after six years just to remind me.” Cassandra added.

“I know Cassandra.” I said “I’m just trying to figure things out.” I added looking around the apartment there was a long pause, no one rushing to say anything. I watched her blow smoke from between her lips; it snaked around in a spiral before vanishing into the haze. She watched me with careful eyes...
“I let them take you, because I loved you…..and I knew I couldn’t” She said quietly.
“I know” I said feeling my throat start to choke up.
“I loved you though, I still do.” She said quietly “I have your senior picture; I tell people who see it. That’s my boy, and he’s going to be a writer. I tell them, he’s going to be better than me.” Cassandra said. I could see a jewel of a tear roll down her face.
“So if you came here, for the satisfaction of knowing you’re better than me, to compare your life to mine. Then I’d say you’ve done pretty dam well.” She added.
“No, I didn’t come here for that.” I said dabbing away my tears with my sleeve. “I came here…..to tell you, that you are a human being. That as humans we make mistakes, I know you’ve done a lot, that you’ve been through a lot.” I said watching her stare at me I could see more tears welling in her eyes. “And you’ve hurt me so much all these years…..But I just want you to know, that I forgive you….That I am so sorry for how I treated you…and that I love you.” I let the rest of my words seep out with my tears and left them to be gobbled into the air. We locked eyes for a long time. Then we both got up and hugged each other for the first time in years