Ghostly Moans

It isn't easy being a ghost. We are the only supernatural entity
without a union. Anaemic vampires are well looked after in their
retirement. Werewolves with mange get reduced vets bills. I mean for
god's sake even Banshee's with laryngitis get given free strepsils.
What do we have? Bloody ectoplasm. Have you any idea how hard it is to
shift ectoplasm from our clothes? You need more than a box of Daz I can
tell you. I suppose you think we have a right laugh don't you? Well you
just try carrying chains around for 1000 years and see how your back
is. Is it any wonder that we make ghostly moans? Contrary to popular
belief we do not find it an easy feat wandering around scaring people
by putting our heads under our arms. I have lost count of the times I
have stubbed my toe. Have you ever found it difficult giving
directions? Well you just try giving directions to a clumsy body that
has just dropped you.

Hollywood? don't get me started on those bastards! No one takes us
seriously any more. I mean Casper the friendly ghost; it's made us a
laughing stock. Ghostbusters, ha, do you know how hard it is to extract
yourself from a vacuum cleaner once some "have a go housewife" has
sucked you up. Hollywood just gives people the wrong idea. When I moan
and clank my chains I want you RUN! Not walk through me laughing. I
don't want your filthy mortal bacteria clinging to me. I tell you it's
a dog's life being a ghost, especially if you are a ghostly dog. When
do I get a break? I've tried going down the pub but the beer just goes
straight through me, as does a good vindaloo?mind you it did that when
I was alive. I have tried other leisure pursuits, bungee jumping for
instance. Well you can imagine the result of that. The only indignity
we don't suffer is our own reality TV show but I guess that's just a
matter of time. Take my advice don't come back as a ghost, its
rubbish.