Creation Myths Of The Modern Tribes – Part One

Of course, the familiar story of the creation given in the Bible is not the only creation myth in existence. Most, if not all, human societies, civilisations and tribes have their own creation myths. Here, by way of example, are a few creation myths from some of the more modern human tribes still in existence.

Firstly, there is the creation myth of the Office Worker tribe where the Great Cosmic Canteen Manageress pushes her Sky Tea-Trolley (the Moon) across the sky each night, while the Earth secretary is impregnated by the Office Sundries Sales Rep of the daytime (The Sun) in the back seat of his company Ford Mondeo in order to bring about the tea-break of the Gods.

Whereas, in the creation myth of the Estate Agents, the sun and moon perform a loft conversion in the heavens which gives birth to the first tribe of Estate Agents who wander the earth in search of desirable properties, putting a sign in the front garden of each one as an offering to the angry gods who manipulate property prices, seemingly at a whim, thus causing much consternation in the tribes of the Estate Agents when they meet each evening to worship their bank balances in their Holy Wine Bars.

In the creation myth of the Builders tribe, the goddess Moon was walking down the street just as the Sun God was making good his newly created world, clearing up a damp patch where the Atlantic Ocean had leaked all over what is now modern-day Portugal, when he noticed the Moon Goddess passing below, clearly impressed by the virility of the arse crack he had on display and responding eagerly in the affirmative when he cried out a request for her to let him ‘Give You one, darling’. Thus was the tribe of builders created into being.

There are many other such creation myths, such as the creation myth of the Hairstylists tribe where the universe was created when a client god of the great universal hairstylist needed somewhere unspoilt for the holiday of a lifetime, there is also the creation myth of the great Accountancy tribe where the universe comes into being as a legitimate claim for expenses, which will be covered in Part Two of this article, sometime in the near future.