A Long Time Ago In A Chip Shop Far Away…

A long time ago, in a chip shop far away, a tall being, dressed from head to foot in rather cheap-looking plasticky body-armour and a long black cape, was ordering cod, chips and mushy peas.

A rather inebriated man, next in the queue, tapped the black-clad being on as near to the shoulder as he could reach.

The being turned, slowly. "Yes?" he muttered, angrily.

"Are you one of them Judys?" The drunk enunciated carefully.

"Fuck off," the Being in Black said, turning swiftly back towards the counter, his cloak billowing around him, to ask for - or, rather, demand - plenty of vinegar on his chips.

"I bet you are." The drunk turned unsteadily to hazily survey the other members of the queue behind him. The rest of the queue quickly found something else to look at. He tapped near the being's shoulder again. "Go on, admit it. You're a Judy, aren't you?"

The Being in Black turned once more to face the drunk. He exuded menace, as well as having some sort of slight breathing difficulty. The other members of the queue, as one, took a step back away from him and the drunk.

"What if I am a Judy?" The being hissed.

"Are you a Judy, though?" The drunk repeated, grinning.

"Yes…." the exasperated being replied. "Yes, I am a Knight of the Judy. What of it?"

"'Cos I was just about to say…" the drunk had difficulty containing his laugher as he grinned up at the Being in Black." What, with you ordering the mushy peas…."

"Listen," The Being in Black thundered with even greater menace than before. "If you are about to say what I think you are… some sort of feeble inane 'witticism' like 'may the farts be with you', then I strongly recommend you think again, or I'll beat you to a pulp."

"Oh, yeah? You and whose Dark Side, pal?" The drunk waved his fists in the general direction of the Being in Black.

"Beware my wrath," The being said, turning back to pay for his chips.

"Oh, yeah?" the drunk replied belligerently, suddenly emboldened by the way the rest of the queue was drawing around him.

"We don't like them from the Dark Side around these parts," someone muttered at the back of the queue.

It was just loud enough to make the Being in Black stiffen as he gathered his fish and chips from the counter. "What!" he roared, turning to face the queue. "Beware, or I will be forced to draw my light sabre." His free hand fumbled around his waist.

"Really?" a young woman from the middle of the queue called out. "Not that thing you wanted me to touch back in the pub? Talk about 'feel the force' - I couldn't feel a thing." She glanced around the queue in triumph as they all grinned back at her. "Not unless you've got a mouse in your armour… and a dead mouse at that…. At least, that's what it felt like to me."

"Right! Right! That's It!" The being roared, in one fluid movement turning to place his chips back on the counter and then draw his light sabre. He flicked the switch. A short brief light spluttered from the light sabre and then with a half-hearted, defeated buzz disappeared again.

The Being in Black looked down at his hand. "Oh, bugger," he said as the rest of the queue closed in on him.