Trampuss

Fast pace, going faster. Running to catch the tram. He entered and sat somewhere in the middle. He could feel the heat coming under the seat warming up his fragile and non cold-friendly bones. So, he got as comfortable as he could, it felt amazing, like he was in his bed waiting for winter to be over, like a bear in fur. Or that fat lady down the aisle.
Not many people around. A bunch of 16 year olds acting stupid, a few people coming back from work with all the problems and tiredness of the week engraved in their faces and posture, and of course, girls. And they all looked so nice, dressed up, well looked after and all, the hair, the makeup, the whole shebang. Friday night. Night out. Going to hit the clubs. The wagon was filled with the scent of their perfumes and raging hormones, it was driving him crazy and hard and combined with the heat, it made him initiate to fantasize about them in a huge club, wet, with foam and bubbles everywhere, kissing and touching each other. Too vivid. Maybe he should quit the weed. It makes him hallucinate, even when he doesn’t smoke it. But hell it eases the fucking pain, so be it.
At the next stop, a bum-looking 60-something year old man walked in, he looked a bit tipsy and a little bit more dirty. From the whole wagon he chose of course to come and sit next to him. The story of his fucking life, if there is one dodgy person in the whole train, plane, bus, spacecraft, don’t know what, he/she/it will come and sit next to him. Oh, fat people too.
He was sitting there, licking his yellow –brownish nicotine colored stained moustache and scratching his wild bushy beard with his right hand, while holding tight a rubbish bag and some newspapers in the other which was wrapped in a dirty not so white anymore bandage. His face looked very rough, like the huge rocks in the desert that have been beaten by the wind and rain, the heat of the day and cold of the night for many many years.
“Cold tonight”
“Pardon?” he replied.
“It is cold, I say, it is.”
“Tell me about it” he answered, “I am from the south, I am not designed for this kind of temperatures, when I was born it had 42 o C, I’m not built for this climate”.
“Do you know, that when kids are born in Finland, the first few nights they put them to sleep outside in the snow? So they don’t get sick easily and get used to the cold”.
“I didn’t know. That kind of explains everything. My mom gave birth to me because she was playing water fights, heat wave it had that day you see”.
“Do you see them girls? Look how they go around, almost naked. In this cold.”
“Well I think they trying to look nice, the feminine clock has starting ticking in them, it’s normal in the animal kingdom , trying to impress the opposite sex with fancy colors and feathers. But I will agree with you, they are almost butt naked, how can they manage in this cold. I am wearing 15 layers of clothing and I am still feeling it. ”
“Pussyyyy”
“What?”
“Pussyyyy”
“I heard. What do you mean by that?”
“Women don’t feel the cold, because they have the puusssyyyy”.
“I still don’t get it, what does this mean?”.
“It is very scientific, that’s why you don’t understand”.
“What, that they have a pussy? I might haven’ t seen one in a while but I am certain that they still have one”.
“No, you moron, it’s scientific why they don’t feel cold. You see the pussy is internal and in there, huge temperatures rise, not even on the sun’s surface is that hot. So, this internal source of energy, heat and humidity, radiates through their whole body. After many studies and research the scientific community has proved that women can be used as an alternative source of energy, biological no less, that could help humanity overcome global warming and it can help mankind to go into the depths of space by using it to power the spaceships. Here you are.” Then he made a pencil, magically appear between his finders and started writing in one of his newspapers . Scribbling some formulas and equations that looked that didn’t make any sense.
“You understand now, you fucking dummy, the pusssyyyy, the pusssyyyy, the pusssy” and he started running to the door, throwing newspapers all over the place and kept shouting, the pussyyyyyy.
“ What the fuck????”